ATTN: ADMIN TEAM (and everyone else, for the sake of transparency)

[East Coast Hustle]

I'd like to revise/clarify the rules concerning deletion/snipping/splitting of threads.

as of now, threads/posts are only to be deleted or snipped for the following reasons:

contains content that could land the board in legal trouble. (PI, copyright, porn, etc.)

image bombs.

thread is too large and needs to be restarted (a la Pics or open bar)

that's it. posts from trolls can stay. we're big boys and can deal with trolls, even ones who are banned and using proxies. We re-ban them, but their posts stay unless they've violated either of the first two abovementioned rules. posts from people who later wish they hadn't posted that will stay. those people need to learn to think before they post. if the person who started the thread asks for it to be split because of a derail, that's fine, but the split thread stays in the original subforum until it sinks to the bottom and dies a natural death. I hope this doesn't cause any of our esteemed posters any undue stress, but if it does I'll be happy to tell them to put on their big-boy pants.


ALSO...


we only ban people for a handful of reasons. One of those reasons is evading a previous ban.

BUT...

we ONLY ban people for being previously banned when we are 100% CERTAIN that they are who we think they are (football fans will get the joke here). Not because they post in a similar manner. Admission by the poster in question and/or IP traces verified by and discussed among at least a majority (if not all) of the admin team are the ONLY reasons we ban posters for being previously banned. I'd rather let ALL of the previously banned posters back in (even Durko) than lose ONE new poster because one of us was suspicious of them.

That is all, gentlemen, thank you for your time.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm down.

Watching for poptard was becoming a chore, anyway.

[Cain]

I've pretty much followed these guidelines in the past, barring where I have deleting spamming sprees.  So this is no problem.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I know I'm still kinda new here, but I think if the n00b posts something suspicious, they should be checked. Like recently with That person talking about the Meetrack and leaving Tucson. Reasonable suspicion but was quickly proven to be someone who left Tucson for legit reasons.  Basically, if they post something suspicious, there is reason for scrutiny, but otherwise let them prove themselves.

[Triple Zero]

Sounds good. May I suggest that, after a while, when people have read this and commented etc, we move + sticky this thread to meta forum? Just so new rules don't get buried in Apple Talk.

[Doktor Howl]

someone who left Tucson for legit reasons. 

IMPOSSIBLE STATEMENT.

[TruthSlayer]

As per the new admin guidelines, I will leave this here for further contemplation and safekeeping.


   As some of you may know, this wonderful Simple Machines Forum has been experiencing a phenomenon of cataclysmic proportions, which Western Medicine has defined as extreme "Pop-Tart Paranoia." If you are a new member here, you are going to get accused of being Pop-Tart. In many cases you will be banned for being Pop-Tart, even though you're just a regular noob. In the case of "choptop" and "Dranes43," they came in talking in classic Pop-Tart form, (short, very short) and proceeded to be banned as Pop-Tart based on the structuring of their posts. Whether this was intentional or not, we will never know. But we do know that they were not Pop-Tart. Recently, a new member named "Krez" joined our forum, proved his identity with random facts about Tucson, as was still accused of being Pop-Tart. Krez is not Pop-Tart. Pop-Tart would not send creepy PMs. Pop-Tart himself will get accused of being Pop-Tart, knowing there is no way the Mad Scientist and the other Mods can know for sure it's really him, and yet he gets banned anyway. Pop-Tart was banned by Cain for posting in the hipster thread because Cain hates hipsters and had a hunch Aries Gurl could be Pop-Tart. Then Cain unbanned Pop-Tart 5 minutes later because he didn't have any solid proof, he just hates hipsters. But let's not get into the dirty, yet somewhat warranted, moderation that has been going on lately.

     In a recent interview with Anon from 4chan, First City Hustle was quoted as saying, "Our site has been consumed by Pop-Tart Paranoia. The Mad Scientist is overrun with it. Just yesterday he told me he now suspects Mistress Freeky as being a Pop-Tart alt. I don't know what to think or who to believe anymore, but SRSLY, this Pop-Tart person has no life. I'm sure that he has read at least 90% of the content within the site by now. I'm willing to bet he has spent many sleepless nights studying all of the infamous trolls. We have come to a point where not even our precious Bunker is safe from his gaze. I assume he has saved every image he could get his grubby little hands on, and right now, somewhere out there in the internets, there are visions of merciless WOMPs dancing in his head. I've heard rumors that he might actually be a revered member of our community. Other people are saying that at any moment, he might be posting from 3 or more accounts simultaneously. The word on the street is that even though he is ASCII-challenged, he now has the ability to create his own private proxy servers, giving him IP addresses that can't be detected as a suspected proxy server or network sharing device. This would allow him to choose specific locations for each address, making it virtually impossible to put a finger on him. Hearing this news was a devastating blow to our psyche. We now realize that the butthurt troll will never give up, and his drive and technical knowledge are growing at an exponential rate. We must find a way to rectumfy our Pop-Tart problem. I know the easiest and most efficient solution would be to just unban the poor bastard. But if some unforeseen event happens, Daruko could use that against me. Must. Defeat. Daruko. I would like to take this opportunity to inform the beloved members of our site that I have elevated our Security Advisory System to AMBER, known by many as ERNIE."




THE EASIEST AND MOST ENJOYABLE WAY TO END POP-TART PARANOIA IS BY COMPLYING WITH MY DEMANDS:


1. Pop-Tart's original IP address from Pengilly, Minnesota must be unbanned.

2. I shall receive a "Dutch Rutter" from Ne+@uNGr0+ in a heterosexual, non-gay fashion. This must be done with the aid of Herbal Essence shampoo or Johnson's Baby Lotion.

3. Faust must change his avatar back to that cute blue thingy. I discovered its name might be Bloo after some tedious googling. Go figure.

4. Daruko's original IP address must be unbanned. From this point forward he shall be referred to as "King Daruko" only.

5. Dr. James Semaj must take a picture of himself draped in the Canadian flag and post it in the spagbook thread.

6. Nigel must complete a Quest for ME.

7. The Dancing Pickle must publicly admit that the "pickle" in his profile picture is actually a "cactuar."

8. An honest, accurate definition for HIMEBOBS. I finally figured out Wrath Of Microsoft Paint so it's on to the next one.

9. One of the lady members must give me a rimjob WHILE I eat potato chips.

10. A thread titled "Pop-Tart is the Greatest Troll Evar!" must be erected within Apple Talk in my honor. "Greatest" may be substituted with "Most Annoying" or "Most Persistent." This will be bumped every-hour-on-the-our OR every-so-often with "Frosted Cookies 'N Cream FTW!"

11. I can smoke e-cigarettes wherever and whenever I want, even on the e-plane.

12. Doktor Howl must change his username to Doktor Feelgood for 1 week.

13. Cain must take a picture of himself wearing tight jeans, an argyle sweater that is 3 sizes too small, thick rimmed non-prescription glasses,  and an old pair of Converse. He must do this while listening to some band you've never heard of and post the picture in spagbook.


COMPLETION OF ANY COMBINATION OF THREE (3) OF MY DEMANDS, WHICH MUST INCLUDE DEMAND #1, WILL ACTIVATE THE SEQUENCE AND YOUR LIVES WILL BE SAVED. POP-TART WILL TAKE A PERMANENT BREAK FROM OPERATION MINDFUCK AND SHALL BE BURNED IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM AND NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN.

Completion Bonus: You will all receive sexual favors from Aries Gurl on a first cum first serve basis, who can be found somewhere around page 5 in a yahoo image search for "Aries Girl."

Failure to meet my demands will result in excessive trolling and prolonged Pop-Tart Paranoia. If you have any concern for the health of the Mad Scientist, I would suggest complying immediately. There will be trolls you may or may not have seen the likes of before; Bieber Fans, Bible Bangers, EMOs, Juggalos, Hipsters, Glenn Beck Supporters, etc etc.

Just to show you I mean business, I have sacrificed Professor Cramulus' first born.




And learned to do this.

YOU SHOULD
               Meet my demands. I demand it.

IF YOU DON'T
               I will copy E.O.T's writing syle.

I DON'T THINK
              You will be pleased.


MY DEMANDS MUST BE MET BY SEPTEMBER 23rd, 2008.

Pop-Tart.

[Doktor Howl]

Okay, can we all agree Truthslayer gets the axe?   

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Truthslayer, please convert to the Cult of Cybele. Do not staunch bleeding.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Okay, can we all agree Truthslayer gets the axe?   

YES FIVE MINUTES AGO

[Doktor Howl]

Oddly, having my hands tied doesn't seem to be bothering me.  

[Doktor Howl]

Okay, can we all agree Truthslayer gets the axe?  

YES FIVE MINUTES AGO

I need the other admins to weigh in.

we ONLY ban people for being previously banned when we are 100% CERTAIN that they are who we think they are (football fans will get the joke here). Not because they post in a similar manner. Admission by the poster in question and/or IP traces verified by and discussed among at least a majority (if not all) of the admin team are the ONLY reasons we ban posters for being previously banned.

[Adios]

Okay, can we all agree Truthslayer gets the axe?  

Oh hell no.

Not that I am admin, but this is the NEW PD.

[Cain]

I give Poptart points for comic timing.

Sadly, I think I just banned the source for many of his proxies.

[Tempest Virago]

Okay, can we all agree Truthslayer gets the axe?  

YES FIVE MINUTES AGO

I need the other admins to weigh in.

we ONLY ban people for being previously banned when we are 100% CERTAIN that they are who we think they are (football fans will get the joke here). Not because they post in a similar manner. Admission by the poster in question and/or IP traces verified by and discussed among at least a majority (if not all) of the admin team are the ONLY reasons we ban posters for being previously banned.

Well, that counts as an admission, right?