How Discordianism Got Me a Free Cup of Coffee

[Jenne]

Ugh...INSTANT.  WTF is up with INSTANT fucking COFFEE across the Atlantic?    That shit should be banned.  (I know, I know...Yu-Banned )

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ugh...INSTANT.  WTF is up with INSTANT fucking COFFEE across the Atlantic?    That shit should be banned.  (I know, I know...Yu-Banned )

You get great coffee on the mainland. You just can't get it in the Isles. The Frogs and Krauts know how to do it. Limeys and Potato Suckers don't. :/

[Nephew Twiddleton]

No offense, Hanni, you probably do make a mean cup for British standards, but the rest of the world does not use spoons to make it. You need technology for it to be real coffee.

[Doktor Howl]

No offense, Hanni, you probably do make a mean cup for British standards, but the rest of the world does not use spoons to make it. You need technology for it to be real coffee.

No.

You need SCIENCE!

Dok Howl,
Death Coffee™ Genius.

[Hanni]

No offense, Hanni, you probably do make a mean cup for British standards, but the rest of the world does not use spoons to make it. You need technology for it to be real coffee.

Don't worry! I hadn't taken offence. I think those people who say my coffee is nice are lying anyway as it looks a little too close to mud to taste good. I wouldn't know how to use one of those coffee technological thingies (I said earlier we were stuck sometime in the 1800s this is further proof)

On the topic of hot drinks- I'm going to make some tea, in the 'banned' Discordian mug (apparently it's a bad influence on the kiddies).

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Just to note, Dok has a special blend. I am unwilling to drink it.

Twid,
-has raised his blood pressure enough as it is

[Doktor Howl]

I hear tales of that Death Coffee. Chilling tales. 

It will make your UPPER GI prolapse.  Fact.

[Hanni]

How's it made? I could surprise my dear father with it next time I see him....

[Doktor Howl]

How's it made? I could surprise my dear father with it next time I see him....

Okay, you get a barrel roller, preferably 1 gallon in size.  Then you put in 3/4 of a gallon (that's about 20 minutes, in metric) of water, and a half pound of coffee.  Roll it cold for one week.

Strain the coffee into a saucepan, and heat to exactly 88F.  Do NOT exceed 90F, or you'll lose 60% of the caffiene.

In a double boiler, melt 1/4 pound of semi-sweetened chocolate chips.  Stir into saucepan of coffee.

Add 8 shots of expresso so that it tastes something like coffee.

Stir.

Serve.

Fall on the ground and convulse while talking with Mexica Gods.

BE ON A TOILET IN PRECISELY 3 HOURS.  YOU WILL HAVE NO WARNING.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

That is not the recipe you gave me, but my assertion of not trying stands.

[Doktor Howl]

That is not the recipe you gave me, but my assertion of not trying stands.

We've been developing it.

SCIENCE is not static.  It grows.

[Doktor Howl]

Do NOT exceed 90F, or you'll lose 60% of the caffeine.

This is a fact I was unaware off! No wonder my home made pot boiled ones never work correctly.

Yeah, that had us stumped for a while.

[Hanni]

Right... I'll attempt to convert the units sometime before Christmas

Will it look like mud? If it doesn't he'll know there's something up

[Doktor Howl]

Right... I'll attempt to convert the units sometime before Christmas

Will it look like mud? If it doesn't he'll know there's something up

Yes, and it will smell of chocolate and fear.

[Hanni]

Right... I'll attempt to convert the units sometime before Christmas

Will it look like mud? If it doesn't he'll know there's something up

Yes, and it will smell of chocolate and fear.

I'll just tell him I forgot to put the milk in first, that'll cover any sort of suspicions he has