Fabulam Romanam, aut Veritas de Stercore

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I still don't know what to make of that night.

I had known Lucius for nearly a year. I believe that I met him sometime after the Neptunalia. Prior to the Ides of March, there was nothing particularly notable about him. He was a hanger-on, very quiet. He never really said much of anything, or expressed any opinion on politics. He never said anything about himself. He was just always there. We knew nothing about him.

No one could get him to crack either, but I was determined. I had decided by Lupercalia that I would find something—anything—about him. It didn't occur to me until the festival of Mars started that no one had ever seen him drink. That must be the key. I kept asking him if he would come out with me to the taverns, but he kept refusing. Finally, the day of the Ides, he agreed.

We went out, just the two of us, and had ourselves some good wine. I kept paying the next round, expecting that he would not turn down a drink in order to not offend me. He was many drinks in and still dodged questions about himself, preferring to find out more about me. I was getting unnerved, and felt that he was sent to spy on me, even though I was no one of importance. So I asked him flat out, in my own inebriation, "I know nothing of you, and yet you keep prying into my life. Who are you, who sent you and why?!"

"He makes..."*

He breathed in deeply, gulped down his wine and motioned for another. "Alright. Here za deal. I'm from the future." "Oh, shut up Lucius!" I replied. "No, it's true. I'm histrian... I'm here da study you. I came from er fyuchure" I figured that I would indulge him. "Okay, futureman. What year do you come from?"  "Myear is 2078... bud yer yeariz um... hangon lemme do the math............. Erm... 2851. No... 31. 2831."

To be honest, I was getting a kick out of my inebriated friend's tall tale. I continued, "okay, so you're from the future, and a historian. Tell me, what becomes of the Republic?" Lucius laughed, "Rebublikh...  dude (whatever 'dude' means in his language)... this izn' even a Rebublikh in yer time, yer monarky. We call is peryid Imperyal Rome." "Well, is Rome still of importance?" "Woll, yea, issa cabitle of Idley an shit anna Rum and Cad-lick Cherch izzere, bud duzn' mean shit for Yerup." His Latin was getting pretty bad at this point. I was starting to believe that maybe he was telling the truth, but it was becoming more obvious that his way of speaking, drunk or not, was odd. "So, ok, you're from the future, and you're a historian, so presumably you are here to learn more about Tiberius."

He laughed long and hard, trying to gasp out the name Tiberius. "Ti... ahahahahaha Tibrer.... Oh God, hahahahaha, LEARN about TIBERIUS?!?!?!" I tried to settle him down. People were starting to stare at us. He got down to a low chuckle, "No dude, we knowall bow Tiberiush. We don' giva shid about Tiberius." I was totally confused at this point. I decided to follow up on the thought. "Well, Lucius, if you're not here to learn about Caesar who are you here to learn about?"

And here, he raised himself up from his slouch, downed his next wine and spoke slowly and deliberately, so that he could make himself as clear as he could in his state:

"I'm not the only one here. There are many of us studying you. We don't care about your Emperor. We know all about him. It's you. You, the people, the average person who fornicates with his mother, we want to know about you. Do you think things are different in our times? Do you think that it's not the same old story, of republics rising against tyranny, becoming corrupt, falling into empire and then taken down by a republic? Wars come and go. Rulers come and go. But it's all the same shit. When I come from, where I come from, I'm living in a corrupt empire that we still call a republic, because of term limits and a one party system that pretends to be numerous choices. No, we don't care about kings or consuls, Caesars, generals, tyrants, dictators, presidents or chancellors. What we want to know, in your case, is how so and such conditions effected your average Roman. That is, after all, what history should be about. Not dates and battles and who was nominally responsible. Anyway, Marcus, I've outted myself and will probably have to face to some hefty consequences if found out, so please keep your mouth shut about this whole thing. I can't screw up the course of history or anything"

Lucius stood up, motioned to the landlord and tossed him some coins, telling him to get me another one. He started to walk out, but I grabbed him by the arm. "Hey, is your name really Lucius?" He smirked, and said, "Actually, yes, some ancient Roman names are still in use in my time."

I never saw him again after the Ides of March.






*Translated into Latin, "facit" which is pronounced like "fuckit"

[Don Coyote]

More is requested.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

More is requested.

As far as the exploits of Marcus and/or Lucius or in a similar vein?

[Don Coyote]

More is requested.

As far as the exploits of Marcus and/or Lucius or in a similar vein?

Good question. I do not know.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I only follow where imbas leads me.

I also happened to be watching some of I, Claudius tonight. So I was in a bit of a Roman mood.

Blight,
-Always in a time travel mood.

[Phox]

Facit. 

That was pretty goodt, Blight. I too would like to see more of it.

[A Villager]

Even without my bias I would be impressed.

[Triple Zero]

More is requested.

As far as the exploits of Marcus and/or Lucius or in a similar vein?

Either you feel like writing!!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

It might be an interesting writing experiment to draw parallels between Marcus and an average Joe nowadays. Exploring Discordian things with period sci-fi/horror or something like that.

[Phox]

Bump.

[Kai]

I remember reading this before, but it didn't strike me as well as this time around.

History repeats itself. Whats important is how the people deal with it, not the exploits of the elite. I've always like A People's History of the United States better than others.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

How did I miss this?

[Adios]

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I don't know how I missed this either!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

 

Thanks guys!