News:

There's a sucker born every minute... and you are right on time.

Main Menu

Find out who you are!

Started by El Sjaako, February 14, 2012, 06:39:20 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1
User actions

El Sjaako

February 14, 2012, 06:39:20 PM
We have long been cursed. None knew the answer to that eternal question: "Who am I?" But I have discovered a cure!

First you must watch some TV. Watch it like it's supposed to be watched i.e., the advertisements count.

You are now a product. Congratulations! There is a company out there selling your attention wholesale.

Now you call them and ask them what they are selling. Good luck!

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
February 14, 2012, 06:41:45 PM
Quote from: el sjaako on February 14, 2012, 06:39:20 PM
We have long been cursed. None knew the answer to that eternal question: "Who am I?" But I have discovered a cure!

First you must watch some TV. Watch it like it's supposed to be watched i.e., the advertisements count.

You are now a product. Congratulations! There is a company out there selling your attention wholesale.

Now you call them and ask them what they are selling. Good luck!

Why?  They tell us what they're selling.  Happiness.  Truth.  America.  Great big fucking piles of pills, just like Grandma used to make.  Ask yourself this simple question:  Am I better off with all this stuff, or would I rather live in Mali?  That's right.  You have to choose between TOO MUCH, and NOT ENOUGH, and TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#2
February 14, 2012, 06:50:25 PM
Hi! How can I help you today?

I don't really want to be helped, I'm just here because my parents dragged me here.

Oh, we get that a lot, hon. Don't worry, we'll find something that fits.

No, you don't understand, I'm not interested in buying one of your identities.

I hear you! And we'd never force you to buy anything against your will, just take a look around! Get some ideas. Maybe you'd like to try on some of this 90's grunge?

Ugh, plaid?

Very popular with the hipsters right now...

I'd rather get shot.

In that case, maybe something from our goth collection? We have classic 80s, 90s revival, and industrial?

Yeah, no.

Maybe something a little more popular?

What, like your bullshit preppie cheerleader section?

Yeah, probably not, huh.

You just don't get it. I don't care what I look like, I don't care what other people think about me, and I don't want to be in one of your stupid fucking boxes. I want to be an independent thinker, a romantic anarchist with enough sense to know that anarchy doesn't really work but too much anger to sit well in the system! I want be pretty in an unconventional way and make friends that care about things but don't really know how to change them so we all sit around talking about how to make the world a better place, and maybe we make a little impact before we get all old and gross like our parents.

Perfect! We have an independent anarcho-realist right over here!

I said I didn't -- oh, wait, that actually fits pretty well.

Do you want it in the pink or the green?

LMNO

#3
February 14, 2012, 06:54:29 PM
Yeowch.  Nicely done, there.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
February 14, 2012, 06:59:06 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on February 14, 2012, 06:54:29 PM
Yeowch.  Nicely done, there.

I like this new person.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#5
February 14, 2012, 07:00:28 PM

Elder Iptuous

#6
February 14, 2012, 07:04:04 PM
QG wins the thread.

Triple Zero

#7
February 14, 2012, 08:14:08 PM
That was really good.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#8
February 14, 2012, 11:48:30 PM
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

hirley0

#9
February 17, 2012, 07:45:53 AM Last Edit: February 17, 2012, 07:48:16 AM by hirley0
hirley0 and 0 Guests are viewing this topic. Reply #49:
Posts: 4137



Quote from: Nigel on February 14, 2012, 11:48:30 PM
I like this new person.  :lulz:  Also, nice post.
Print
Go Up Pages1
User actions