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BETA TEST READERS NEEDED TO EDIT "SME 30"

Started by LMNO, February 11, 2011, 07:28:47 PM

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LMNO

#30
February 14, 2011, 03:27:09 PM
Yeah... I may have to leave that poem out.  I was going to format it differently from the rest of the book, kind of like a forward, or invocation to the Spider Gods, or something.  But perhaps it should move to the end.

The Good Reverend Roger

#31
February 14, 2011, 03:29:29 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 14, 2011, 03:27:09 PM
Yeah... I may have to leave that poem out.  I was going to format it differently from the rest of the book, kind of like a forward, or invocation to the Spider Gods, or something.  But perhaps it should move to the end.

Or somewhere in the middle.

Starting with the "you can be whatever you want to be" guy is a hook.  It's so fucking creepy that the right audience (anyone who liked "Crooked Little Vein", for example), will be glued to the book.

Mostly because it's so easy to picture that actually happening.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#32
February 14, 2011, 03:38:18 PM
So, even skip the brief exposition of what the hell you're actually reading? (the chatlog, the description of Eris in Heisod, etc.)

The Good Reverend Roger

#33
February 14, 2011, 03:43:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 14, 2011, 03:38:18 PM
So, even skip the brief exposition of what the hell you're actually reading? (the chatlog, the description of Eris in Heisod, etc.)

I'm thinking so.  You might want to write a forward, or put it in as omnipotent narrator immediately following the first story.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#34
February 14, 2011, 03:47:13 PM
Hmm.  I'll have to give it some thought.

The Good Reverend Roger

#35
February 14, 2011, 03:48:53 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 14, 2011, 03:47:13 PM
Hmm.  I'll have to give it some thought.

When I shoot you chapter one, I'll include a few suggestions on exposition...Take 'em for what they're worth (it IS your project).  I'd move the exposition to immediately follow day one, then the poem later on at an appropriate day.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cuddlefish

#36
February 14, 2011, 08:55:29 PM
Just started reading this morning. It's tough without my own computer, so if you want to bump me and add someone else, that would be fine. I'll still read it, it just might take me a bit longer than it should. That said, I liked everything I've read so far, including your house-of-leaves-esque intro section.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

LMNO

#37
February 14, 2011, 11:50:44 PM
Is it that obvious a reference?

Cuddlefish

#38
February 15, 2011, 03:31:46 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 14, 2011, 11:50:44 PM
Is it that obvious a reference?

I liked it better when you did it, if that means anything.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

LMNO

#39
February 15, 2011, 04:08:58 PM
It does indeed.

Cuddlefish

#40
February 15, 2011, 04:17:12 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 15, 2011, 04:08:58 PM
It does indeed.

The dude who wrote HoL was a self absorbed hipster, and should be kicked really hard in the shins repeatedly.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

The Good Reverend Roger

#41
February 21, 2011, 01:16:10 AM
I've decided to print the damn thing off, mark it up, and mail it to you, LMNO.  It's easier that way.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#42
February 21, 2011, 06:41:04 PM
Good point. If you need me to send $ for shipping, let me know.

The Good Reverend Roger

#43
February 21, 2011, 06:45:29 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 21, 2011, 06:41:04 PM
Good point. If you need me to send $ for shipping, let me know.

Naw.  It'll fit in the smallest single-price envelope.  It isn't worth the bother.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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