A problem I have never encountered before, and have no experience with.

[Richter]

Golf destroys your back.  I've known people who have been to very bad days in Iraq, have come home and spent weeks avidly mashing the snot out of others in armor, blown down every highway on rice - fueled crotch rockets, and then incapacitated themselves trying to play 9 holes.

I don't know what to say except some places jsut don't have utilities that include hot and cold running assholes.  Give them time.

Is their likeability a worry at all, as far as keeping weirdness from happening around the homestead?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Golf destroys your back.  I've known people who have been to very bad days in Iraq, have come home and spent weeks avidly mashing the snot out of others in armor, blown down every highway on rice - fueled crotch rockets, and then incapacitated themselves trying to play 9 holes.

I don't know what to say except some places jsut don't have utilities that include hot and cold running assholes.  Give them time.

Is their likeability a worry at all, as far as keeping weirdness from happening around the homestead?

I just don't feel right without a warm, personal enemy close to home.   

[Richter]

Does the golf course have a pet "Pro" player?  They can be one of those fine, self loathing types.  Better at their sport than anyone in the area, but worse than anyone who REALLY gets around at it, accutely aware of that fact, and channeling it into fastidious adherance to course rules, or need to be snide about their skill.   

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Does the golf course have a pet "Pro" player?  They can be one of those fine, self loathing types.  Better at their sport than anyone in the area, but worse than anyone who REALLY gets around at it, accutely aware of that fact, and channeling it into fastidious adherance to course rules, or need to be snide about their skill.   

The type that is tragically almost good enough to be a pro?

Don't know yet.

[Juana]

You'd love my neighborhood. To the left is an awesome older couple, but on the right is a massive fucking douche bag. Anger issues, destroyed his trees by topping and de-limbing them because he didn't want to pick up after them, and has threatened to shoot my older dog for standing on his lawn for 2.5 seconds. Dude's kids were inside and he CAME OUT to tell us to get our dog off his lawn or he'd shoot him. We call him the Yahoo.
Across the street are the Dukes of Hazard. Umpteen beaten up cars, a retarded-looking dune buggy, squalling grand-brats, and they yell at each other a lot.
Down the street is a couple with musical Christmas lights. They turn them on in the evening and turn them off in the morning, so "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" and a handful of other horrid Christmas songs play alllll niiiiight long.


I'm sure you'll find a target for your hate, Roger.

[Don Coyote]

I love your neighbors!

Roger, there's only one thing to do. Band together and start a neighborhood feud with the next neighborhood over.

DO EEEEETTT

[Epimetheus]

I love your neighbors!

Roger, there's only one thing to do. Band together and start a neighborhood feud with the next neighborhood over.

DO EEEEETTT

seconded

[Triple Zero]

So what the hell do I do?  I can't really enjoy myself unless I have at least one neighbor I can hate, bicker with, and engage in those feuds that live on in neighborhood lore, long after the participants are all dead.

Give it some time. Just because they live next to you doesn't mean they have to be your enemies, hey, *everybody* could by chance happen to live next to you, and it'd be odd to blame them for being good people, right? Fortunately, enemies have the tendency to make themselves known all by themselves, unlike (often) friends.

Also, I second Niamh's suggestion of joining the golf course, that sounds like a proper target-rich environment if anything!

Mrs LMNO and I keep to ourselves, pretty much... we're fairly isolationist with out housing.  But just the other day we got a flyer in our mailbox, addressed to "Childless Couple: Dude with Cool Hats and Girl with Great Hair", inviting us to a holiday party across the street.

Awwww that sounds sweet as hell!! You're the Dude with Cool Hats!! and "Great Hair" sounds like a rather generic compliment--unless your wife has extraordinary great hair i dunno--that they really want to get to know the Dude with Cool Hats! So be sure to wear an Extravagant Hat. It could be awesome (possibly counting on you to make it happen--why not?), and if it is boring, not too big of a loss, is it?

[Adios]

Relax Roger.

You simply haven't had a night on cactus on the back porch with your laptop and the mandatory attire. One night you will and while you are typing and screaming at the radio then I predict your worries will be groundless.

[the last yatto]

 Can just see it now... Roger is put in charge of the neighborhood watch.

[Adios]

When Roger does the above all he wears is engineer boots and a Stetson. I don't think he will be put in charge of any watch.

[Richter]

Prediction: local delinquents BEGGING for the police to taken them before Roger finds them.

There needs to be a pillory.