Once Upon A Time

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Once upon a time, when we all lived in The City, and nobody lived anywhere else, there was a man named Alphapance.  Alphapance was fairly typical of his times, in some respects, and not very typical in others.  He was, for example, a typically hideous pervert that ran with the low men and dirty girls...But, untypically, he admitted it freely when questioned, or even when you'd already had more fun than you really wanted.

Alphapance made his living in a great big concrete and glass box, in which he moved pieces of information from one medium to another, having made the changes he was paid to make...This was fairly typical of his time as well.  In those days, information was considered more important than physical objects.  There were in fact several theories that stated that physical objects themselves were just information.  This sort of thinking made Alphapance very angry.

And when Alphapance got angry, all the sailors in Boston would run and hide.  They were experienced in these matters, and knew that Alphapance would be prowling the docks with vodka in his veins and mayhem on his mind.  The police always pretended that nothing was wrong, but they too found other places to be when some fool tried to explain basic physics as some form of magic or Eastern religion.  No, this wasn't their first barbeque, and shipping and receiving clerks all over the former United States learned to adjust their schedules to accomodate his rampages.  

This was probably the most atypical thing about Alphapance...He knew how to think, and what's more, he insisted on doing it.  Obviously, this couldn't be allowed to continue forever.

So in 2011, when the "Department of Homeland Security" decided it was time that Alphapance be brought under control, they made the mistake of sending only 10 agents to get him.  Those 10 agents, of course, never even got close to him, and were eaten by the perverts and the hustlers and the naughty-boys that idolized Alphapance for his excesses.

Now, the government of the former United States being what it was - a dumb beast with the reactions of a stegosaurus on crack - they felt the need to escalate things, rather than sensibly pretending nothing happened, or blaming it all on swarthy foreigners.  

Most of the details are lost to history in the resulting shitstorm of fire, violence, and spilled booze, but we all know the results...The Bay That Was Boston is glass-bottomed, and glows feebly at night to this very day, and Alphapance disappeared, though he managed to take the former United States with him.

But some people say that Alphapance managed to get on the last Purple Line to Providence just before the last airstrike, and that he lives in the basements near Brown University, and that he comes out at night to punish physics majors who read Gary Zukav books, dragging them down through the sewers to a horrible doom.

That's pure myth, of course, but why take chances?  Leave quantum physics to the professionals, and bad Eastern religion to Guru Pathik.

Or Kill Me.

[Adios]

Is it true that he proved the universe didn't exist because it was only a perception that it really ever did exist?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Is it true that he proved the universe didn't exist because it was only a perception that it really ever did exist?

You're messing with sasquatch, here.

[Phox]

 

[LMNO]

LMNO loves TGRR.

[Adios]

Is it true that he proved the universe didn't exist because it was only a perception that it really ever did exist?

You're messing with sasquatch, here.

Whoops. It was just a rumor I heard.

[Whatever]

Damn you guys are rockin it!!! 

This is gold!!!

[Juana]

Wonderful stuff. Loved the image of a faintly-glowing Boston.

[Rumckle]

Wow, that was awesome.

[Richter]

I logged back in, and this shit had happened.  Nicely done!

...but what about Boston?  Not that it would ever be the same, but what was left?  Is it true that the disposessed refugees still slink through the waves of solidified lava kicked up by the bombing, pretending that the waves of nuclear gladd and cataclymic basalt are still their corporate watchtowers and high-rise dwellings?

[Jenne]

Wonderful stuff. Loved the image of a faintly-glowing Boston.

THIS.  I missed a lot yesterday! 

[Suu]

...but what about Boston?  Not that it would ever be the same, but what was left?  Is it true that the disposessed refugees still slink through the waves of solidified lava kicked up by the bombing, pretending that the waves of nuclear gladd and cataclymic basalt are still their corporate watchtowers and high-rise dwellings?

The refugees came in droves to Providence, but the Grand Army of the Principality fended them off.

[Richter]

...but what about Boston?  Not that it would ever be the same, but what was left?  Is it true that the disposessed refugees still slink through the waves of solidified lava kicked up by the bombing, pretending that the waves of nuclear gladd and cataclymic basalt are still their corporate watchtowers and high-rise dwellings?

The refugees came in droves to Providence, but the Grand Army of the Principality fended them off.

That's what hapened while I was out walking the grue?  You said the cats had a fight.

[Suu]

...but what about Boston?  Not that it would ever be the same, but what was left?  Is it true that the disposessed refugees still slink through the waves of solidified lava kicked up by the bombing, pretending that the waves of nuclear gladd and cataclymic basalt are still their corporate watchtowers and high-rise dwellings?

The refugees came in droves to Providence, but the Grand Army of the Principality fended them off.

That's what hapened while I was out walking the grue?  You said the cats had a fight.

They did, but they were responsible only for the damage on Federal Hill.  Also: the ghetto isn't fond of the ballista I have on my fire escape these days. I accidentally the diddlers next door.

[Richter]

They should take a hint about nonconsenual penetration from that.