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Familiar Heroes, part IV of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 06, 2011, 04:26:29 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

January 06, 2011, 04:26:29 PM
Berta Andrews, home maker:  I don't see why these "Superheroes" get all the attention.  My husband is an iron worker and he slaves away every day to build this country.  Does he get any recognition?

Reverend Josua Smith, Pastor:  They're corrupting our youth.  You see those guys all running around in tights, especially that bat guy and his little friend?  They're all homosexuals.  They'll bring God's wrath down on us, just you watch.

Herb Sexton, Psychology Professor:  Has anyone stopped to think about what kind of damage these so-called "heroes" are doing to their victims?  Don't these victims have the same rights that you and I have?

Jay Chin, Comedian:  So these guys, they run around in these costumes, right?  They're like policemen in ballet costumes. <laughtrack>

Howard Simpson, police commissioner:  This department, and this city administration, does not support or condone these "masked vigilantes".

Peter Zyniger, anchorman for The Netword:  Congressman Peter King of New York has asked the justice department to look into whether or not these "caped crusaders" fit the description of domestic terrorists. <cut to Rep King> "No matter what they SAY, they have tremendous destructive potential, and we simply don't know what their aims and motivations are.  They haven't accepted the CIA's offers of legitimate employment, so we have to assume their aims are the destruction of America and her freedoms."

Bubba Davis, Tea Party Activist:  SEND 'EM BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!  THIS HERE'S AMURRICA!

"Wonder Woman", spokesman for the League of Justice:  We know when we aren't wanted.  We're leaving.  You *#$%ers are on your own. <Immediately following this statement, the entire League vanished, along with what appear to be most of the nation's other superheroes>

One of the remaining superheroes, name withheld, interiewed at a local bar in Los Angeles:  Yeah, so they don't want us.  Well, fuck 'em.  Let the bad guys have 'em.  And they will you know, they'll be here in days.  Just you wait and see.  HEY BARTENDER!  GIMME 'nother drink before I roast you were you stand!

Dr Doom, America's new overlord:  ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF THE NATION FORMERLY KNOWN AS AMERICA.  YOU MAY NOTICE THAT I AM WEARING YOUR PRESIDENT'S FACE AS A HAT.  THIS IS TO DEMONSTRATE HOW THINGS WILL BE.  YOU WILL REPORT - TODAY - TO YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT TO RECEIVE YOUR WORK ASSIGNMENTS.  FAILURE TO COMPLY IS TREASON, AND WILL RESULT IN THE SUMMARY EXECUTION OF YOU AND YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY.  THAT IS ALL.

Bubba Davis, former Tea Party Activist:  HAHA!  He killed Obammy!  You tree huggers are in for it now!  GODDAMN, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE AMERICAN!  We can finally stand proud again!  <Mr Davis was executed shortly thereafter for owning a gun, despite Dr Doom's prohibitions on the matter>

>>file closed

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Whatever

#1
January 06, 2011, 04:32:06 PM
WOW!!

I think it scared me as much as is made me laugh! This is awesome!

:mittens:

LMNO

#2
January 06, 2011, 04:36:11 PM
 :lol:

hooplala

#4
January 06, 2011, 05:02:45 PM
As of yet, I have only read the last two of these, but I really REALLY like this one.  It would make a fantastic short film.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)" — Walt Whitman

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
January 06, 2011, 05:08:46 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on January 06, 2011, 05:02:45 PM
As of yet, I have only read the last two of these, but I really REALLY like this one.  It would make a fantastic short film.

Go for it.  All I require is writer's credit.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

#6
January 06, 2011, 05:48:16 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2011, 04:26:29 PM

Dr Doom, America's new overlord:  ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF THE NATION FORMERLY KNOWN AS AMERICA.  YOU MAY NOTICE THAT I AM WEARING YOUR PRESIDENT'S FACE AS A HAT.  THIS IS TO DEMONSTRATE HOW THINGS WILL BE.  YOU WILL REPORT - TODAY - TO YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT TO RECEIVE YOUR WORK ASSIGNMENTS.  FAILURE TO COMPLY IS TREASON, AND WILL RESULT IN THE SUMMARY EXECUTION OF YOU AND YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY.  THAT IS ALL.



:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Adios

#7
January 06, 2011, 06:13:05 PM
No, wait, WTF? Where did they all go?

Cainad (dec.)

#8
January 06, 2011, 07:20:54 PM
Fucking deserved it. :argh!:

Sometimes people complain that the "general public" in superhero comics is portrayed as alarmingly stupid, reactionary, and hostile to people who are demonstrably working in their best interests. Personally, I think the only thing wrong with that is that it cuts too close to reality to count as fiction.

Sister Fracture

#9
January 06, 2011, 08:04:11 PM
This is win.
Roaring Berserkery Bunny of the North End™

A Tucsonite is like a Christian in several important ways.  For one thing, they believe what they say about their god in the most literal, straightfaced way possible.  For another, they both know their god can hear them.  The difference between the two, however, is quite vast in terms of their relationship with their god; Christians believe in His benevolence, but Tucsonites KNOW of The City's spite and hate.

Juana

#10
January 07, 2011, 12:46:10 AM
:mittens: Loved Wonder Woman and Doctor Doom.

Quote from: Cainad on January 06, 2011, 07:20:54 PM
Fucking deserved it. :argh!:

Sometimes people complain that the "general public" in superhero comics is portrayed as alarmingly stupid, reactionary, and hostile to people who are demonstrably working in their best interests. Personally, I think the only thing wrong with that is that it cuts too close to reality to count as fiction.
This.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Jenne

#11
January 07, 2011, 12:56:46 AM
Oh hell yeah.  Gotta now go look for the other 3!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#12
January 07, 2011, 06:11:51 AM
AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEECOUGH
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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