Doktor Howl's official 2012 platform for the presidential election.

[East Coast Hustle]

I will, of course, inevitably seek to end you in a bloody coup d'etat, but if we do our jobs well that will happen when we're the only ones left.

[Epimetheus]

you've got me all wrong.

I want to be Secretary of Offense.

Well, in any defacto sense, that's the job.  However, we prefer the Orwellian, so it's going to be Secretary of Our Shocked and Angry Response to Your Aggression.

I imagine churches popping up called Our Lady of Our Shocked and Angry Response..

[Phox]

I will, of course, inevitably seek to end you in a bloody coup d'etat, but if we do our jobs well that will happen when we're the only ones left.

And this is why I'm turning the Postal Service into a paramilitary police force/private army.  

[The Wizard]

Ha! The Pulp Heroes Association for the People (or PHAP) happily endorses the "Change We Deserve" platform. What's a hero without an evil regime to fight?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I will, of course, inevitably seek to end you in a bloody coup d'etat, but if we do our jobs well that will happen when we're the only ones left.

Oh, sure.  I may even flee the country and leave you holding the bag spare you the effort.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

you've got me all wrong.

I want to be Secretary of Offense.

Well, in any defacto sense, that's the job.  However, we prefer the Orwellian, so it's going to be Secretary of Our Shocked and Angry Response to Your Aggression.

I imagine churches popping up called Our Lady of Our Shocked and Angry Response..

Um, we can do that WITHOUT a farcical run for office, come to think of it.

[Adios]

I am laughing so hard I can barely type. Toni has just spoken to a lesbian for the very first time in her life. I can't breathe.

[Phox]

I am laughing so hard I can barely type. Toni has just spoken to a lesbian for the very first time in her life. I can't breathe.

[Adios]

I had to explain what Rachel was talking about

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is the best political platform I've seen in my entire life.

Well, the most believable, at least.

[The Wizard]

Here's an idea for the Door to Door campaign.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Of course, it would be UnAmerican™ if you couldn't buy some of that Deluxe Equality for yourself, even if just as an indulgence. In fact, I propose we take that very leaf out of the history books and put it into legal practice: Indulgences.

For a reasonable fee (to be determined at a later date), you can pay your fines in advance and not have to bother with legal proceedings or prosecution for any crimes up to and including the value of your payments.

And if you make a down payment of 20% or more, you get a 5% bonus on the value of how much wrongdoing your payment plan covers you for!

Can I have court insurance? Privatized of course, maybe through my employer if they're generous enough.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I declare for the chicka with the leather and the whip. Sorry, Roger.

Okay, I guess I'll just hand that sweet Sec Commerce job over to the Boston spags.

Can I be your running mate in 2016? I'll be 35 that year, and eligible for the position. Further, I can look like a moderate to appease the socialist dogs that grow quietly discontent under your first 4 years.

Also, you know I won't try to assassinate you to move up to Prez, since I'm well aware of your immortality and fear your wrath.

[Phox]

I declare for the chicka with the leather and the whip. Sorry, Roger.

Okay, I guess I'll just hand that sweet Sec Commerce job over to the Boston spags.

Can I be your running mate in 2016? I'll be 35 that year, and eligible for the position. Further, I can look like a moderate to appease the socialist dogs that grow quietly discontent under your first 4 years.

Also, you know I won't try to assassinate you to move up to Prez, since I'm well aware of your immortality and fear your wrath.

Blight, there isn't going to be a 2016.