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Dear Sister Gothique: We Are Preparing Your Place.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 21, 2011, 03:30:46 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

#15
March 04, 2011, 12:46:17 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 21, 2011, 03:30:46 PM
Can't you feel the elastic band tightening, Sister Gothique?  Can't you feel the increased gravitation, as Tuscon calls you home?  Oh, yes.  Bums dance around the burn barrels, chanting your name.  The Mayor is helpless in the face of fiscal disaster and rising crime.  These are all signs.

We are preparing your place.  We have rentboys, SG, Thai refugee rentboys with their underwear on backwards and boxing gloves stapled to their hands, so they cannot defile themselves before your arrival.  We have selected teabaggers for their voices - each able to hit one perfect note - whose testicles we have wired to deep cycle batteries and a Yamaha keyboard, to play Ruffles and Flourishes when you get off the plane.  We have funded all of this by confiscating panties from the nuns at the Alvernon convent, and selling them on Ebay.

All is ready.

And it's not so bad, once you think about it.  Sure, it's hotter than hell, a million miles from anywhere, and you take in  coyote shit every time you inhale...But on the other hand, we have The Truth.  We understand, you see, that everyone else lies.  We can tell just by looking at pictures of Lee Harvey Oswald, that he was a patsy and a schmuck (though the rumors of him being in 3 different places at once ARE true), and that while he may have THOUGHT he had something to do with Kennedy's death, he wasn't actually part of the conspiracy at all.

We know that "chemtrails" are just a smokescreen used to make the inquisitive into a laughing stock, while They get on with their real plans.  We know this, alongside many other Horrible Truths™.  

They've lied to you about everything since you left.  

I will tell you the truth.  I am Doktor Howl.

So get your bags packed, cram a fresh tampon into the cat, and get moving before it's too late. We will eat only the finest Indian food, and we shall DRIVE on that road of bones, into the dawn of a glorious new future...Which may or may not involve eating people from the foothills.  

Okay for now,
TGRR

Bump, cos it's only 6 more months til Sister Gothique impacts out by Vail!  :banana:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sister Fracture

#16
March 04, 2011, 12:48:46 AM
For real?! :banana:
Roaring Berserkery Bunny of the North End™

A Tucsonite is like a Christian in several important ways.  For one thing, they believe what they say about their god in the most literal, straightfaced way possible.  For another, they both know their god can hear them.  The difference between the two, however, is quite vast in terms of their relationship with their god; Christians believe in His benevolence, but Tucsonites KNOW of The City's spite and hate.

The Commander

#17
March 04, 2011, 04:33:23 AM
Riff Raff lives up the road in the Phoenix area, writing for Kingdom of Loathing.  I wonder if he has been practicing his Karma Management skills in the Tucson area?
The Commander
DIA
Discordian Intelligence Agency

The Good Reverend Roger

#18
March 04, 2011, 02:06:40 PM
Quote from: The Commander on March 04, 2011, 04:33:23 AM
Riff Raff lives up the road in the Phoenix area, writing for Kingdom of Loathing.  I wonder if he has been practicing his Karma Management skills in the Tucson area?

No.  We have rules:

Rule #3:  People from Phoenix are not permitted in Tucson, as they have no souls.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Commander

#19
March 11, 2011, 08:57:37 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 04, 2011, 02:06:40 PM
Quote from: The Commander on March 04, 2011, 04:33:23 AM
Riff Raff lives up the road in the Phoenix area, writing for Kingdom of Loathing.  I wonder if he has been practicing his Karma Management skills in the Tucson area?

No.  We have rules:

Rule #3:  People from Phoenix are not permitted in Tucson, as they have no souls.

Thank can't be true...I've got a receipt for Riffs soul right here.
The Commander
DIA
Discordian Intelligence Agency

The Good Reverend Roger

#20
March 11, 2011, 02:20:55 PM
Quote from: The Commander on March 11, 2011, 08:57:37 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 04, 2011, 02:06:40 PM
Quote from: The Commander on March 04, 2011, 04:33:23 AM
Riff Raff lives up the road in the Phoenix area, writing for Kingdom of Loathing.  I wonder if he has been practicing his Karma Management skills in the Tucson area?

No.  We have rules:

Rule #3:  People from Phoenix are not permitted in Tucson, as they have no souls.

Thank can't be true...I've got a receipt for Riffs soul right here.

You got robbed.

Proof of the "no soul" thing:  Google images of Jan Brewer.

Also google "Sheriff Joe Arpaio", read articles.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#21
December 03, 2013, 05:18:13 PM
Toldja so.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sister_Gothique

#22
December 04, 2013, 04:55:18 AM
I figured by time the second Good Humor man bit it, and the occurrence of the the-guy-who-got-shot-getting-shot-while-shooting-someone, it was a sign that it was time to come home. It's like hearing your mum call you in from outside.

You did, in fact, tell me so.....but I'm stubborn.
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

LMNO

#23
December 04, 2013, 04:57:59 AM

Sister_Gothique

#24
December 04, 2013, 05:01:08 AM
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"
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