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So, yeah, Coyote. It all started with a cigarette, see...

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, February 04, 2011, 07:41:49 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

#15
February 04, 2011, 09:13:17 PM
Quote from: Richter on February 04, 2011, 09:04:57 PM
CANT
FUCKING
BREATHE

:lulz:

Mind if I forward this to my father?  He LOVES stories like this.

Go ahead.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#16
February 04, 2011, 09:14:36 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on February 04, 2011, 08:13:18 PM
I suggest you make this into one of the MSY comics.

I agree.  At the rate I'm flying on that, it should be ready for publication in 2050.

(No, that's not a shot at Suu.  MSY 3 & 4 are in tandem, and they're dead in the water, too.)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#17
February 04, 2011, 09:37:57 PM
Dear god I think I just coughed up fucking lung!!  Roger, it would be a crime not to make this into an MSY issue.

Thank you, this made my day!!!

Triple Zero

#18
February 04, 2011, 09:40:57 PM
Roger, you (and your buddy Lampshade) are fucking AWESOME. :mittens:
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Cramulus

#19
February 04, 2011, 09:42:38 PM
hahahah! way to cram the bureaucracy right back up their asses, Rog.

:mittens:

The Good Reverend Roger

#20
February 04, 2011, 09:47:13 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on February 04, 2011, 09:42:38 PM
hahahah! way to cram the bureaucracy right back up their asses, Rog.

:mittens:

Penrose's 2nd Law of Bureaucracy:  For every regulation, there is an equal and opposite regulation. 

Colollary:  It's not the highest rank that runs a bureaucracy, it's the person who knows the most regulations.  Once you reach a certain threshold of knowledge, the system belongs to you.

This is the 3nd secret of having a happy military career.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Don Coyote

#21
February 04, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Thanks I needed that after getting reamed by my piece of shit NCOIC because I failed to follow her extremely vague directions on cleaning my clean room.

Your stories almost make me want to stay in.

The Good Reverend Roger

#22
February 04, 2011, 09:52:04 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Thanks I needed that after getting reamed by my piece of shit NCOIC because I failed to follow her extremely vague directions on cleaning my clean room.

Your stories almost make me want to stay in.

Don't buck the system, use the system.

You have to learn where the handles are.  Then it becomes fun.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Adios

#23
February 04, 2011, 09:53:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2011, 09:52:04 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Thanks I needed that after getting reamed by my piece of shit NCOIC because I failed to follow her extremely vague directions on cleaning my clean room.

Your stories almost make me want to stay in.

Don't buck the system, use the system.

You have to learn where the handles are.  Then it becomes fun.

This rat chair.

Don Coyote

#24
February 04, 2011, 09:55:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2011, 09:52:04 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Thanks I needed that after getting reamed by my piece of shit NCOIC because I failed to follow her extremely vague directions on cleaning my clean room.

Your stories almost make me want to stay in.

Don't buck the system, use the system.

You have to learn where the handles are.  Then it becomes fun.

I know.

East Coast Hustle

#25
February 04, 2011, 09:58:58 PM
This story is simply glorious. Reminds me of several of my dad's Navy stories. I read Catch-22 at a precociously young age and always assumed that Yossarian was based on my father until I did the math one day and realized that my dad would have been 6 years old at the end of WW2.

:mittens:
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#26
February 04, 2011, 10:05:53 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 09:55:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2011, 09:52:04 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 09:48:34 PM
Thanks I needed that after getting reamed by my piece of shit NCOIC because I failed to follow her extremely vague directions on cleaning my clean room.

Your stories almost make me want to stay in.

Don't buck the system, use the system.

You have to learn where the handles are.  Then it becomes fun.

I know.

See, here's the deal:  It's not just the military that's like this, it's the whole fucking world.  I am 42, and I run a crew of people that have been in the trades since before I was born.  They worked hard, I used the system.  See where I'm going with this?

The military is a huge stupid beast, and expecting it to be fair - or even make sense - will frustrate the hell out of you.  On the other hand, if you get your Discordia on, and learn to move WITH the stupid, rather than trying to move the stupid, you'll get along much better.

I have a couple of dozen rules in a file at home, and I'll post them if you want.  They work in ANY bureaucracy.  The most important 5 are:

1.  It's only guard mount/pushups/meaningless work/punishment detail.  They probably won't actually kill me, and it will eventually end, and I'll have fun again.  If you're afraid of pushups or weekend duty, you're going to be miserable.  Besides, once you have that attitude, they stop fucking with you.  It's amazing.

2.  It doesn't make sense, because it wasn't designed to make sense.  It was designed to give money to contractors and fuel the local economy.  Any other purpose is secondary, so don't get too excited.

3.  Learn the handles.  Steer the system.  Don't try to buck it.

4.  Lie like a mad bastard, but only about big things.  Being honest about little things gives you credibility with your superiors, who will assume that nobody would ever be stupid enough to lie about big things (IMPORTANT EXCEPTION:  NEVER LIE TO AN NCO.  MISLEAD, BUT NEVER DIRECTLY LIE.  Officers are stupid, and you can lie all you please.  You'll know who the exceptions are.)

5.  Smiling - especially predatory smiles and shit-eating grins - keep trouble away.  Like any other human interaction, people pile on people who look like easy targets, and being upset (angry, miserable, etc) makes you look like an easy target.  If someone asks you why you're smiling, tell them "Every day is a vacation, and every meal is a feast."
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Don Coyote

#27
February 04, 2011, 10:13:00 PM
Well fuck I do the first 4 already. I guess I just need to get my grin on.

Telarus

#28
February 04, 2011, 10:33:44 PM
:mittens:
Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

The Good Reverend Roger

#29
February 04, 2011, 10:53:31 PM
Quote from: Canis latrans eques on February 04, 2011, 10:13:00 PM
Well fuck I do the first 4 already. I guess I just need to get my grin on.

A positive attitude is like a suit of armor in the military, no joke.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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