101 Discordian Stories

[Pæs]

14:
One evening, Hung Mung and Aini were walking through a bad neighbourhood. Police sirens wailed in the distance. As they came around a bend, Aini was seized by a large, heavily intoxicated man (who happened to be dark-skinned). Hung Mung tried to stop him and the dark-skinned man shot him in the head before fleeing the scene.

Hung Mung recovered, but the bullet fragments could not be removed without endangering his life.
Aini came to visiting him in the hospital and lamented, "O! Hung Mung! Good friend! My heroic rescuer! I am troubled."

Hung Mung sat up in his bed. "What bothers you, Aini? You don't sound well."

"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere I go I see black men and am convinced that they are plotting to rape me. O, woe!"

"I know of the shrapnel I am carrying from that event," said Hung Mung, "Were you aware that you are carrying some too?"


1:
The Good Reverend Roger invited Daruko to have dinner with him.
They ate their vindaloo in silence, after which Roger excused himself for the better part of an hour.
Daruko waited patiently until Roger returned, then asking him, "Roger, I have come here to ask you to teach me about your Discordianism. What is the source of your great power? I..." He trailed off, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Roger's calculations had been correct and he had timed it perfectly. Daruko left to use the bog, but no sooner than he had entered, before he even found the light switch, the Good Reverend shut and locked the door behind him.

"Like the toilet bowl, you are completely full of shit. There's no room for any more, so what good is giving you Discordianism?"