Greeks Myff'ed: Arachne

[BadBeast]

Already been done.  The author of the "Codespell" books wrote Zeus as the eternal frat boy.

Not a huge stretch, anyway.  Seems like he spent all his time sneaking around Hera's back.

Can't really blame him for that though, Hera must be totally no fun to be around. Permanently pre-menstrual, and not really very bright, she nags and whines at Zeus for every little thing. He does well, and humours her like a bratty child for the most part. And jealous? Much? Zeus can't so much as look at any other Woman without her nagging!
"I saw you staring at Aphrodite's tits this morning!" She'd moan, "What'swrong with my tits?" And there's no real answer to that one.
Well, there is.
But in the interest of a harmonious Olympus Zeus didn't say "They have the rest of you attached to them" Instead, he'd just go down to some Nymph's Grove first chance he'd get. Hera would sit there fuming until he got back.

She wasn't really much of a one for having friends either. She didn't trust any of the other Goddesses, in case Zeus was boffing them, and that was fine, because they all thought she was a bitter old bitch. So she'd  content herself by raining curses and bad luck down on any woman she suspected Zeus of boffing. He was the Thunderer, the mighty King of the Olympians, 
tiptoing around on Earth every time he fancied  bit of  'strange'. Hera would even try to kill any progeny they had. She had really big self esteem issues
that just made her worse. Bullying grudge holding beyhatchio. Horrid creature. But those  Brother/Sister relationships seem to always be a bad scenario. Serves 'em right anyway

[Richter]

I like the horrible pervert option, its not that he doesn't love Hera, she just isn't into any of that freaky shit mortal women are.

I mean, she wouldn't even try sex with a goose.

EXACTLY   He's jsut thrilled by his own omnipotence and jsut wants his sexuality to expand to make use of it.  In almost a Baptist take on god, he wants to "love" everything.  Hard.  Every way possible.

[Richter]

Already been done.  The author of the "Codespell" books wrote Zeus as the eternal frat boy.

Not a huge stretch, anyway.  Seems like he spent all his time sneaking around Hera's back.

Can't really blame him for that though, Hera must be totally no fun to be around. Permanently pre-menstrual, and not really very bright, she nags and whines at Zeus for every little thing. He does well, and humours her like a bratty child for the most part. And jealous? Much? Zeus can't so much as look at any other Woman without her nagging!
"I saw you staring at Aphrodite's tits this morning!" She'd moan, "What'swrong with my tits?" And there's no real answer to that one.
Well, there is.
But in the interest of a harmonious Olympus Zeus didn't say "They have the rest of you attached to them" Instead, he'd just go down to some Nymph's Grove first chance he'd get. Hera would sit there fuming until he got back.

She wasn't really much of a one for having friends either. She didn't trust any of the other Goddesses, in case Zeus was boffing them, and that was fine, because they all thought she was a bitter old bitch. So she'd  content herself by raining curses and bad luck down on any woman she suspected Zeus of boffing. He was the Thunderer, the mighty King of the Olympians, 
tiptoing around on Earth every time he fancied  bit of  'strange'. Hera would even try to kill any progeny they had. She had really big self esteem issues
that just made her worse. Bullying grudge holding beyhatchio. Horrid creature. But those  Brother/Sister relationships seem to always be a bad scenario. Serves 'em right anyway

Somewhere in the myths they say there is a spring that restores the god's virginity.  Aphrodite uses it daily (fucking ow.) but Hera only goes to it once a year.  Kind of asserts their "frequency" as it were. 

Who knows though.  They're in it for a freaking eternity, or until their own children eat and kill them, so who can blame them for taking it slow.  Maybe the whole "sleeping around as animals getting mad at each other" was some sort of bizarre millenia - long cosmic swinger foreplay.

[hooplala]

Fucking perfect, but this is my favorite part:

Eris wasn't in on this, but I guarantee she watched it on youtube later in a filthy bathrobe drinking a beer and likely touchning herself while cackling evilly.

[Richter]

Just giving the people what they want.

[hooplala]

She had really big self esteem issues

Not sure it was her fault, I've always found it implied that she was also the goddess of the "the jealous vindictive wife", so it was part of her trope to be that way.

[The Wizard]

I really feel sorry for the few Greek gods and goddesses who weren't assholes. Hephaestus, Hestia, Hades (depending on which version of the Persephone myth you ascribe to), etc.

Being the only sane person in a houseful of psychopathic, hormonal teenagers. Who have infinite cosmic power.

[hooplala]

I really feel sorry for the few Greek gods and goddesses who weren't assholes. Hephaestus, Hestia, Hades (depending on which version of the Persephone myth you ascribe to), etc.

Being the only sane person in a houseful of psychopathic, hormonal teenagers. Who have infinite cosmic power.

I thought Hephaestus tried to rape Pallas Athene?

[The Wizard]

I thought Hephaestus tried to rape Pallas Athene?

Maybe. Kind of like with Hades, think that one depends on the version. Nothing I've read mentions Hephaestus raping anyone, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

to the OP

Richter, this is great, I look forward to the next in the series....  Tales of Discord????

She had really big self esteem issues

Not sure it was her fault, I've always found it implied that she was also the goddess of the "the jealous vindictive wife", so it was part of her trope to be that way.

Also as the Goddess of marriage, can you imagine what was being brought to her attention every day.  Christ I would have killed someone.

In truth, Hera was a very important Goddess in her time.  As well, she is said to have had her own share of affairs.  I think the accusations of her tormenting Zeus's lovers is a bit exagerated.  Hera was the "mature" one in that relationship.  I'm not saying she wasn't a complete bitch, I'm just saying there was reason for it yanno?

I tend to agree with the "Zeus as a perpetual frat boy" persona.....

[BadBeast]

Pan is cool too. Doesn't get involved with the Hilltoppers much. Older too, and probably a match for any of them. A better Musician the golden boy, spoiled Apollo, and could fuck Nymphs all through Artemis's Holy Groves, where even Zeus dare not go without disguise. Pan was the goatfoot God of the Arcadian Shepherds, and taught hem Animal Husbandry, BeeKeeping, and was revered from the Balkans, to Egypt, from Thessaly, to Boetia. His Parentage is open to debate, but Zeus claimed him as a Foster Brother. He ensured victory to the Olympians against the Titans, by spreading Panic among them as they came to attack Olympus. The rumours of his death were exaggerated, as he was the model for the Christian's Satan, and spent many nights, fornicating with Medieval Witches, by all accounts.

[Richter]

Pan is cool too. Doesn't get involved with the Hilltoppers much. Older too, and probably a match for any of them. A better Musician the golden boy, spoiled Apollo, and could fuck Nymphs all through Artemis's Holy Groves, where even Zeus dare not go without disguise. Pan was the goatfoot God of the Arcadian Shepherds, and taught hem Animal Husbandry, BeeKeeping, and was revered from the Balkans, to Egypt, from Thessaly, to Boetia. His Parentage is open to debate, but Zeus claimed him as a Foster Brother. He ensured victory to the Olympians against the Titans, by spreading Panic among them as they came to attack Olympus. The rumours of his death were exaggerated, as he was the model for the Christian's Satan, and spent many nights, fornicating with Medieval Witches, by all accounts.

Sounds a lot like Loki

[The Wizard]

Both were tricksters. In Shinto mythology it was Susanoo, in Chinese myth Sun Wukong. Almost every mythology has a trickster figure, someone who, depending on the culture's views on cunning and rebellion, are either villain or folk hero.

[BadBeast]

Pan is also the Keeper of The Fear™.  The Fear™  that turns your bowels to water, and your blood to ice. Evolution still hasn't come up with a neurotransmitter that can override The Fear™.

You know you hear tales about people who took some Acid, way back in 1967 or some when, whose minds just cracked, and they never came back?
Who are still dribbling Lunatics, tucked away, even now, in the back rooms of Secure Psychiatric Institutions? Well, that's what can happen if you approach him with the wrong attitude. Acid doesn't do that, but Pan does. Has done for millennia, well known for it, he is. In this guise, he is the Opener, the Psychopomp, who guided the ancient Shamans in their vision quests. And some of them didn't come back either.

The earliest art, scratched on the walls of caves from the late Paleoithic often depict a figure with horns, and hoofs, watching over the scenes of Hunting and bestiality that seemed to be the theme of the day. So he may even be the first of the Gods of men, the initiator, who brought mastery over the beasts. I wouldn't be surprised if he was.   

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

True with trickster. Even NA legends have Coyote, Mockingbird etc..

They should go union.  All of the pantheons combined....

Oh hell can you imagine?  The deity as major fortune 500 companies. The memos alone...

Oh I have an idea.