OkCupid: A Guy's Perspective

[Luna]

I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence.

Why?  Both types are viewing them as disposable objects, just one is more polite than the other.

Who the hell wants to be ordered up online like a book at Amazon?

That.

[saturnine]

I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence.

Why?  Both types are viewing them as disposable objects, just one is more polite than the other.

Who the hell wants to be ordered up online like a book at Amazon?

That's a pretty cynical view of human sexuality. It doesn't have to be black-and-white, romantic partnered coochy-woochy snookums lovemaking vs. ruthless objectifying selfishness.

[East Coast Hustle]

Now, I'll also note there have been notable changes in my world during that time period: I've gained a moderate amount of weight, which turned me from rail-thin skinny to mildly pudgy. I also have learned tons about myself, which has led to some factors which I'm sure are dealbreakers (or at least intimidating) to many. I now am certain I wish to remain childfree, I openly identify as bi and poly, and I live with my best friend, who is also an ex.

I think this combination narrows your options down to "Mango".

Yeah, I know. Well, at least compared to the average OkC user. Part of the reason I'm posting this is because I'm gauging whether or not OkC is even a useful tool for me anymore, given my 10,000 weird circumstances. I think I need to just start marketing my ass in places where qualifiers like mine are pre-selected for, on poly sites & conferences and places like that.

Futhermore, god forbid a decent, articulate human male actually is looking for a relatively casual sexual encounter. How is he supposed to go about it without looking like one of "those guys"?

Who do you think "those guys" are?  Human males looking for casual sexual encounters.

Enh, sorta. I was kinda unclear. I'm making a distinction between the guys ("hornballs") who have no sense of decorum and can't speak English (1st message = "u filthy slut i wanna fuck u rite now") and guys who, when cruising for sex, still act like socially-adjusted human beings. I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence. If it's clear you've got a human being on the line and not a Neanderthal, you can probably shoot him a thanks-but-no-thanks and still be fine. (Although based on people's responses I'm beginning to doubt that, too.)

You sound like one of those whiny sensitive new-age guys who almost never gets laid and wants to know what's wrong with everyone who won't sleep with you and is incensed (INCENSED, I SAY!) that apparently a whole lot of women who are on the internet looking for casual sex really don't give two shits about your intellect and how deep you are and would rather sleep with a good-looking (or at least self-confident) guy who isn't too shy to let them know what he wants.

Not saying you ARE one of those guys, but if that's how it comes across here, to us, imagine how it comes across to actual girls.

[Suu]

I can fully attest that Saturnine is not like that, but maybe his profile is making it seem that way?

OR...girls are getting so shellshocked from these fuckwads and give up on the online scene entirely, leaving honest nice guys out in the cold, because the rest of the men in the world are disgusting penis-photo obsessed grunting losers.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence.

Why?  Both types are viewing them as disposable objects, just one is more polite than the other.

Who the hell wants to be ordered up online like a book at Amazon?

That's a pretty cynical view of human sexuality. It doesn't have to be black-and-white, romantic partnered coochy-woochy snookums lovemaking vs. ruthless objectifying selfishness.

It is what it is.

[East Coast Hustle]

I tried to formulate a coherent response, but I couldn't stop laughing to the point of creating deadly high-speed snotrockets at the very idea of "honest nice guys".



If they actually exist, well, I don't feel sorry for them. What a lame schtick!

[saturnine]

Now, I'll also note there have been notable changes in my world during that time period: I've gained a moderate amount of weight, which turned me from rail-thin skinny to mildly pudgy. I also have learned tons about myself, which has led to some factors which I'm sure are dealbreakers (or at least intimidating) to many. I now am certain I wish to remain childfree, I openly identify as bi and poly, and I live with my best friend, who is also an ex.

I think this combination narrows your options down to "Mango".

Yeah, I know. Well, at least compared to the average OkC user. Part of the reason I'm posting this is because I'm gauging whether or not OkC is even a useful tool for me anymore, given my 10,000 weird circumstances. I think I need to just start marketing my ass in places where qualifiers like mine are pre-selected for, on poly sites & conferences and places like that.

Futhermore, god forbid a decent, articulate human male actually is looking for a relatively casual sexual encounter. How is he supposed to go about it without looking like one of "those guys"?

Who do you think "those guys" are?  Human males looking for casual sexual encounters.

Enh, sorta. I was kinda unclear. I'm making a distinction between the guys ("hornballs") who have no sense of decorum and can't speak English (1st message = "u filthy slut i wanna fuck u rite now") and guys who, when cruising for sex, still act like socially-adjusted human beings. I'm arguing that looking for sex shouldn't be the thing that makes women instantly decide on radio silence. If it's clear you've got a human being on the line and not a Neanderthal, you can probably shoot him a thanks-but-no-thanks and still be fine. (Although based on people's responses I'm beginning to doubt that, too.)

You sound like one of those whiny sensitive new-age guys who almost never gets laid and wants to know what's wrong with everyone who won't sleep with you and is incensed (INCENSED, I SAY!) that apparently a whole lot of women who are on the internet looking for casual sex really don't give two shits about your intellect and how deep you are and would rather sleep with a good-looking (or at least self-confident) guy who isn't too shy to let them know what he wants.

Not saying you ARE one of those guys, but if that's how it comes across here, to us, imagine how it comes across to actual girls.

Hustle, remember that time a couple of years ago when I told you that I didn't like your attitude and I was going to ignore everything you had to say? Yeah. Just a reminder.

[saturnine]

OR...girls are getting so shellshocked from these fuckwads and give up on the online scene entirely, leaving honest nice guys out in the cold, because the rest of the men in the world are disgusting penis-photo obsessed grunting losers.

That's kind of the theory I'm advancing, yeah. A relatively small subset of males are doing things with such wide negative impact. And I gather that when you combine that with all my specific weirdness, I'm just essentially shut out of a "mainstream" site like OkC.

I definitely do see it as a vicious cycle: hornball males get the female population to shut down to sexuality; the withdrawn females require more aggressive advances, wittier coaxing, etc. Rinse. Repeat.

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

OR...girls are getting so shellshocked from these fuckwads and give up on the online scene entirely, leaving honest nice guys out in the cold, because the rest of the men in the world are disgusting penis-photo obsessed grunting losers.

That's kind of the theory I'm advancing, yeah. A relatively small subset of males are doing things with such wide negative impact. And I gather that when you combine that with all my specific weirdness, I'm just essentially shut out of a "mainstream" site like OkC.

I definitely do see it as a vicious cycle: hornball males get the female population to shut down to sexuality; the withdrawn females require more aggressive advances, wittier coaxing, etc. Rinse. Repeat.

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

Let's review:

Your strategy is - for one reason or another - not working.  Rather than alter your strategy, you have elected to instead complain about the reasons it isn't working, filtered heavily by your own biases.  

Like I said, it is what it is, and bitching isn't going to change a fucking thing.  Either adapt your strategy, or accept the results.

I mean, it's not like taking a stand on principle on OKC is going to get you a place next to Socrates, right?  

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

whut?

I now have Linkin Park lyrics engraved on the surface of my brain.   

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

whut?

I now have Linkin Park lyrics engraved on the surface of my brain.   

I demand to know which ones!!

There are different ones?   

[saturnine]

OR...girls are getting so shellshocked from these fuckwads and give up on the online scene entirely, leaving honest nice guys out in the cold, because the rest of the men in the world are disgusting penis-photo obsessed grunting losers.

That's kind of the theory I'm advancing, yeah. A relatively small subset of males are doing things with such wide negative impact. And I gather that when you combine that with all my specific weirdness, I'm just essentially shut out of a "mainstream" site like OkC.

I definitely do see it as a vicious cycle: hornball males get the female population to shut down to sexuality; the withdrawn females require more aggressive advances, wittier coaxing, etc. Rinse. Repeat.

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

Let's review:

Your strategy is - for one reason or another - not working.  Rather than alter your strategy, you have elected to instead complain about the reasons it isn't working, filtered heavily by your own biases.  

Like I said, it is what it is, and bitching isn't going to change a fucking thing.  Either adapt your strategy, or accept the results.

I mean, it's not like taking a stand on principle on OKC is going to get you a place next to Socrates, right?  

First off, you know nothing about my strategy on OkC. It's not really part of what I'm talking about here.

Second, I've already made it clear (in direct response to one of your posts -- you read it, right?) that one of the whole reasons I'm talking about this is because I'm revising my dating strategy in general. So there goes your theory about me being content to rest on my laurels and bitch.

I'm just saying: you seem to want to fit things into very pat little boxes and package them up with pithy statements that sound good on paper but don't actually mean much.

[saturnine]

I guess that's how power stays entrenched.

whut?

Today's vocab word is "patriarchy."

[Cramulus]

There is a cyclical tide on dating sites.

First, nobody knows about them.

Then, that's where the hotties are.

Then, it's a sausage fest.

Then, it's a ghost town.


Our buddy Shii talks about this on his personal wiki

If you don't know the gathering spots, well, not only can we not recommend you one, but it's impossible to find one because as soon as it is known to be a cool place to hang out, a horde of idiots comes and makes it kind of suck. For example, the Something Awful Forums were the place to be from 2001-2004, and 4chan was where it was at from 2004-2006, and up until recently Reddit was a pretty awesome website, but I would not recommend any of those anymore.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

First off, you know nothing about my strategy on OkC. It's not really part of what I'm talking about here.

Second, I've already made it clear (in direct response to one of your posts -- you read it, right?) that one of the whole reasons I'm talking about this is because I'm revising my dating strategy in general. So there goes your theory about me being content to rest on my laurels and bitch.

I'm just saying: you seem to want to fit things into very pat little boxes and package them up with pithy statements that sound good on paper but don't actually mean much.

Right.  I didn't realize this thread was entirely intended as a vehicle for your whimpering.

I'll just leave you to your emo horseshit.  Enjoy.