Is anyone else here from/in New Zealand?

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Dammit, Toronto is just where I was thinking I might like to go.

Just don't listen to Hoopla.  He actually did give me directions going down one of the back alleys.  I was attacked by a raccoon.  Now I can't prove that he has wildlife-controlling mind-rays.  But it's a safe bet.

Shit!  Hoopla, can I borrow the wildlife-controlling mind-rays for next weekend?  Pretty please?  All I need are those and a dozen rabid weasels...

Oh the fun I could have with rabid weasels.... 

[Luna]

Dammit, Toronto is just where I was thinking I might like to go.

Just don't listen to Hoopla.  He actually did give me directions going down one of the back alleys.  I was attacked by a raccoon.  Now I can't prove that he has wildlife-controlling mind-rays.  But it's a safe bet.

Shit!  Hoopla, can I borrow the wildlife-controlling mind-rays for next weekend?  Pretty please?  All I need are those and a dozen rabid weasels...

Oh the fun I could have with rabid weasels.... 

The image of a dozen rabid weasels in my soon-to-be-ex-husband's pance enterains me.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Dammit, Toronto is just where I was thinking I might like to go.

Just don't listen to Hoopla.  He actually did give me directions going down one of the back alleys.  I was attacked by a raccoon.  Now I can't prove that he has wildlife-controlling mind-rays.  But it's a safe bet.

Shit!  Hoopla, can I borrow the wildlife-controlling mind-rays for next weekend?  Pretty please?  All I need are those and a dozen rabid weasels...

Oh the fun I could have with rabid weasels.... 

The image of a dozen rabid weasels in my soon-to-be-ex-husband's pance enterains me.

I can't say that as he would consider that a threat to his person.  Damn.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Dammit, Toronto is just where I was thinking I might like to go.

Just don't listen to Hoopla.  He actually did give me directions going down one of the back alleys.  I was attacked by a raccoon.  Now I can't prove that he has wildlife-controlling mind-rays.  But it's a safe bet.

Shit!  Hoopla, can I borrow the wildlife-controlling mind-rays for next weekend?  Pretty please?  All I need are those and a dozen rabid weasels...

Oh the fun I could have with rabid weasels.... 

The image of a dozen rabid weasels in my soon-to-be-ex-husband's pance enterains me.

I can't say that as he would consider that a threat to his person.  Damn.

SEND THE WEASELS TO ME I HAVE ALTERED MY PANCE

[Pæs]

Farka, where are you at now?

Wellington.

[Danjanon]

Don't tell the Aussies. They don't like their monopoly of the South Pacific being jeopardized.

I for one welcome our brothers to the east. I heard a rumor once that the Aussie government  proposed to New Zealand that they become a state of Australia. You guys should sign that so I can visit more easily

[Deepthroat Chopra]

One of my favourite Trans-Tasman jokes -

The kiwis that migrate to Australia increase the average IQ of both countries.

Yeah, it's all about the timing.   

[Danjanon]

I like that one. It's creative too, unlike sheep jokes.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Sheep jokes are usually predictable. There's only so many ways you can say NZ'ers shag sheep. Here's one of the better ones -

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

Not great, but hey. IN the interests of balance -

Kiwi bloke was on earth doing the Haka. Somewhere in space, Aliens were watching this unusual dance.

"Kamate, kamate, ka-ora, ka-ora......"

The Aliens were very interested and they wanted to see what would happen if they would take a part of his brain away without him even knowing. So with their alien technology they sent a laser beam down that hit the Kiwi's head and took a part of his brain away.

The Aliens then sat back to see what would happen.

"Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora......."

What the??? The Aliens were amazed with what they were seeing. The Kiwi guy could operate with less than a full brain. So they decided to send the beam down and take another part of his brain. The Aliens watched on.

"Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora......"

"WHAT!!!" the Aliens said to each other. "These Kiwis are very clever people even with half a brain. Let's see what happens if we take the rest of it away and leave him with no brain at all!"

So with a push of a button the Aliens sent the beam down and took away the final part of the Kiwi's brain.

"Now surely he won't know anything at all.He should be too dumb and stupid to do anything now?"

And sure enough, with no brain and no knowledge of anything at all as the Aliens watched on the bloke sang,





"WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA......"

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Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.

Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"

The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.

The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

[Danjanon]

It's VB, it won't make much difference either way :P

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Here here.

[Danjanon]

Is the general feel in New Zealand that Australians are uncouth idiots?

[AFK]

Do you all get along well with the Hobbitses running around New Zealand?