I.. I think I'm in love with this woman..

[Jenne]

Ha!  Her blogging sounds like natalie dee!    I like dis.  A lot.

[Disco Pickle]

Pickled..



This is awesome!!!  You did real good!!!!

Hey, I just shared it.  Can't take credit for it.

I can't think of more snarky, filterless, funny, or more 169% deserving people to share it with than you fine folks. 

She'd fit right in here.

[Disco Pickle]

I have no problem in admitting when it comes to men, looks tend to come first.  For a while that look has been the grungy hipster one.  Now I'm an 18 year old, Urban Outfitter-working, indie show-attending, attractive girl from San Francisco who's moving out to LA next month. I've never had problems with finding an assortment of the type in NorCal, but to be honest I really  don't know much about the scene down south.

What advice/tips do you have in terms of finding the quality hipster men of Los Angeles?


Can't wait to get beard rash on your inner thighs? Here, bitch, let me get you Dov Charney's personal cell phone number. We'll have you in a tank thong on dirty sheets faster than you can say "Spaceland hand stamp."

Yeah, right.

I respect the effort that went in to crafting this hilariously full-of-shit question, but you oversold the premise on this one big time. An attractive eighteen year old working at Urban Outfitters? In San Francisco? You've got to be joking.

Not even the ugly girl at Forever 21 would type "the quality hipster men of Los Angeles" with a straight face.

Better luck next time, Carles.

having. difficulty. breathing.

[Luna]

Okay, that's it.

Guys, we need you to write up questions as spectacularly stupid as these.  Ladies, answer 'em, tear them entirely new and interesting orifices in which to insert random sharp objects.

We set up a blog, sell ad space, and all make out like bandits.   

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Okay, that's it.

Guys, we need you to write up questions as spectacularly stupid as these.  Ladies, answer 'em, tear them entirely new and interesting orifices in which to insert random sharp objects.

We set up a blog, sell ad space, and all make out like bandits.   

I say we all post questions to her as if she were a proper, sympathetic agony aunt.

[Telarus]

I approve of this spaggotry. I also think we should GASM her, similar to Colbert, after a while.

[I_Kicked_Kennedy]

I must have sex with this woman...

...if only to experience the rare instance in which she flat out tells me "My god, who the hell lied to you and made you think you are any better at that than a salted cucumber?"

The unabashed honesty... it's... so... beautiful I could crank one out right now.

[Lies]

Just to point out: she seems to think Charlie Sheen is awesome. Now.

[Jenne]

...there are worse things to think that are awesome...

[Lies]

...there are worse things to think that are awesome...

Hey, I agree with her. Charlie Sheen may or may not be a misogynistic dick, but I kinda like him. Now. 

[Sir Fronkensteen, The Hawk]

http://www.dearcoketalk.com/post/3435070818/on-fucking-right-back


Oh my God, 

how much cock do you suck before you do 2keys of coke of a strangers rock hard cock. also, how does a flat dried up cunt like yourself get a cock hard enough to snort noodles off of, let alone cocaine? i bet its hard, like watching all your friends from the last 200 years write a will whilst you still think you're young enough to go clubbing like the fuck slut cum whore gorilla ogre vulture wanna be cougar you are. cougars are hot, i'd fuck a cougar/ but you're like... a god damn sabre tooth tiger. maybe back in the day... but now? hot shit damn fuck I'm outmatched. Gimme one that can get wet and slick my stroke. Not have a stroke while slicking my stick. fuck off, get it wet. if you cant get it wet... well when it comes to men if you can't get it wet you can't get it yet. deal with it. lube your nasty little fuck slit. we can lube it for you for round 2. but we gotta cum in it to once to lube it for twice. fuck off. they sell lube on every corner you dumb cunts. get some. i'd fuck half of you cougars if your pussies weren't so damn dry/ like the sahara in that cunt. tried fucking a cougar 3 times.... shits like sandpaper mixed with flypaper. its not that hard. get it ready, and a guy from 16-61 will love it. tight, wet, slick. 3-4 minutes and hes spurting like your pussies have been hurting for a hard cock. if that's not enough. come get some from me. i love a tight cougar pussy. ill fuck one any day, any time. long as you're up for round 2 a little later. i'd also love some ass. yeah that's right i love to fuck ass too. get your stink on my wink. smoke some grass while i fuck your tight ass. cougars who have never been preferred. 40 year + untapped assholes.... I'm trying not to cum right now. so tight. so fresh. pound your ass right onto my flesh. right now. any unfucked cougar ass. give me some skin. fuck it like youd suck it. on that note suck it like you would help a lady who was stuck. in a building from the war.we save those cunts from war so theyll fuck us like a whore. any lass id save id fuck like a duck. id make an honest woman out of her sure, but only if she can fuck and suck like sister parish. if not, the HEADmistress can keep on CUMMING on.

Wow. You're a magnificent idiot.

I mean, sure, people submit stupid shit like this all the time, and while I'll give you credit for the sheer bulk of your obscenity, I have to say, you still fucked up big time.

You see, for whatever reason, you decided not to submit this through my anonymous form. Instead, you sent it directly to me through your gmail account.

Maybe you didn't think about it. Maybe you didn't care. Either way, you made the awesome mistake of sending a message like this with your full name still attached to it.

You jackass. Don't you know who you're dealing with? If you fuck with me, even for fun, I fuck right back, and in your case, it was all too easy.

You have a very unusual surname, and it took three fucking clicks to learn the name of your mother (Michele with one L) to whom I forwarded this message on your behalf.

That's right, fucko. Say hey to your mom for me.

[Jasper]

<3 so much love. 

[Cain]

Her style reminds me of the early Violent Acres, only somewhat more so.  And more sweary.  V, even when mercilessly trolling "mommybloggers" (an incident which still makes certain bloggers cringe), kept a certain level of politeness about her.

[BadBeast]

Thing is, she's not only a caustic, ball breaking sack of awesome fuck, she's also right on the fucking button, every time.

You can't smile with bitterness in your heart. Not really. Sure, your face will make the right shape, but people can tell that it's not real. A smile is a projection of an emotional state of love, and if your conscious mind is fixated on negativity, it's gonna come off looking awkward, or worse, fake.

..

I am a young man who wants to toughen the fuck up. Any ideas?
Um, I dunno, prison?

 

Sartorial eloquence.

My boyfriend cheated on me and is now dating the girl he cheated on me with. Yet, I would still take him back if he asked. What is wrong with me?
A complete lack of self respect.


There's a guy I work with who has a crush on me, but I don't feel the same way. How do I stay friends with him without hurting him?
You don't.


Why the hell doesn't biology have any explanation for the hymen?
No, you're right. Fuck evolutionary physiology. God put hymens there for our future husbands because we're all filthy whores who can't be trusted.

How do you feel about men opening doors for women?
Delighted.


If you have nothing to prove, why do you talk so much shit?
It gives me pleasure.

Oh, she's good!

[Jasper]

I want to cut and paste like a quarter of humankind and replace them all with her.