I.. I think I'm in love with this woman..

[Disco Pickle]

You post a lot of music on your personal tumblr. As a popular account, how do you deal with the copyright issue? Or do you just get permission from artists since it's free promotion?


It's all perfectly legal, because I track down each artist and give them head before posting their music to my personal blog.

It's a little known codicil of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act that if you provide sexual favors to an underlying rightsholder, you are legally entitled to reproduce their work on the internet.

It's an often misunderstood but very useful extension of the fair use doctrine known as the DMCA OVA standard, which stands for Oral, Vaginal, or Anal. The British work under a slightly different version known as the HOVA standard, but remember kids, here in America hand-jobs don't count.

Once you meet the OVA standard with a given artist, you can do anything you want with that artist's music short of re-releasing your own greatest hits album.

Oh, and you'll be happy to know that the OVA standard is retroactive. For instance, If the RIAA files a DMCA lawsuit against you for downloading music illegally, you can make a settlement offer that literally includes you taking it up the ass.

They don't like to mention it in the news, but that's what most RIAA lawsuits are actually about. Hell, Metallica doesn't really care about people pirating their music, it's just that Lars Ulrich wanted to insure a steady stream of college girls would legally owe him blowjobs well into the next decade.

Do you believe rent to be fundamentally exploitative? Should we all have to pay for shelter simply for existing?


If I dropped you off in the woods with only an axe and your bloated sense of entitlement, how long before you'd have a roof over your head?

Well then, you useless fucking hippie, aren't you lucky that you live in a civilized, post-industrial society with property rights and public utilities where you can pay for things like a studio apartment and internet access.

You are not some feudal serf being plundered by the landed gentry. You are a spoiled, self-righteous college freshman who emailed this shit from a coffee shop with free wi-fi and vanilla scones.

Do us all a favor and put down the little red book. It's not for whiners.

Oh, and shave the goatee. You look ridiculous.

People say I'm a bitch, but I didn't know that speaking the truth meant bitch. People say that in order to meet guys, I need to be a nicer person; meaning fake, no one is really "nice". Do I really want a guy that can't handle the truth?


There's a huge difference between a strong woman who speaks the truth and a self-righteous cunt who hurts other people with her unsolicited opinion.

There's also a huge difference between a guy handling the truth and one merely putting up with your shit because you're pretty.

If everyone around you thinks you're a bitch, take the hint. You don't have to be a nice person, but you do have to be a good person.

This isn't about being fake. It's about having some fucking compassion.

How's that for truth?

My mom is making me go to an indian reservation in the middle of nowhere with a quaker church to do community service. I have never been to church in my life and am pretty alienated by the whole thing. What the hell am I to do?


Peyote.

If all jobs made the same salary, what would you do for a living?

Start a capitalist revolution.

I like that one a lot.

After checking my boyfriend's browsing history on his laptop (I know I shouldn't!), I found out that he likes to look mainly at picture of girls with "big naturals." And by that I mean BIG—like 36FFF and shit like that.  I'm a typical B cup.  He says he thinks I'm sexy, my tits are great, and we have great sex.  But I can't get this out of my head!  What should I do?


Stop checking your boyfriend's browsing history.

How do you tell your best friend that her boyfriend is truly unfortunate looking?

Start off by being shallow and then say something condescending that you'll regret later.

What is the difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Nascar

i am currently dating a few guys, and have been proposed to by two (one, i think because the other one did). guy#1 is my best friend, but he is a little small in the undies department. he has never left me unsatisfied... HE is the one who has a problem with it... and trust me, he knows how to use it.  he is even willing to let me have other "friends" to make up for his inadequacies.

guy#2-makes more money, is adequately sized (although he claims he is "bigger than average" which he is NOT). He and I have been friends for a long time, and I am not sure if he only asked me because he feels that is what i want because the other guy proposed first.

what do i do? you will tell me straight.


I think you should finish getting your Ph.D. in astrophysics from Caltech.

Really, I don't know what the guys at the Jet Propulsion Lab would do without you if you decided to give up your budding career as a rocket scientist just to marry a man with a slightly less than average penis.

I know, at the moment nothing seems more important than choosing your life partner based on the size of his genitalia, but have you considered what a blow this will be to the scientific community? A mind like yours, wasted on a man who is "a little small in the undies department."

Please, I'm begging you, for the sake of humanity, don't allow yourself to be distracted by suitors of middling girth like some common shallow whore.

A genius of your caliber deserves nothing less than to marry a man with a truly massive cock. We're talking two coke cans stacked end-to-end. Flaccid. Your research is too important to mankind for you to settle for anything less.

YOU CALLED FEMINISM A 'NARROW-MINDED BELIEF SYSTEM'? Haha.

It's funny that you think you're being 'open-minded' by watching porn. Wow, what a free spirit! Succumbing to the objectification of women, the assigning of gender roles and misogyny!

WELL FUCKING DONE.

You idiot.


Capital letters and sarcasm? Wow. I almost didn't notice that you completely misquoted me. I didn't call feminism a narrow-minded belief system, although for your angry brand of the stuff, I might be willing to make an exception.

Do me a favor and don't talk to me about words you don't understand. I know sex workers with more feminism in their clit rings than you've got in your entire gender studies department. Free spirits, indeed.

Here's a thought exercise: if a camera crew filmed me pulling the stick out of your ass, would that be considered porn?

The correct answer: only if you enjoyed it.

(Oh, and you know how you got all offended just now instead of laughing? Yeah. That's why nobody likes you.)

How do you tell the difference between herpes and a mole?

How do you tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Natalie Portman?

Why am I fat?

I blame the Jews.

I've been dancing since I was 8, and its been a huge part of my life and a huge part of me. But I've had my ups and downs with it. I took a year off, and realized I loved it, so I tried to come back. It's been a struggle the whole year I've been back, and I keep getting new injuries. I need to decide whether to go to college and get a "normal" job, or pursue a dance career, if that's still possible at this point. What should I do?


No matter what you do, definitely go to college.

The very fact that you can ask this question means you should start pursuing another career. You know it, too. It just hurts to face the brutal truth.

Honestly, babe. Best case scenario, you're a professional dancer for a few years. That's if you're extremely lucky, and those injuries aren't good omens.

Then what? You will need a second career regardless of how the dance thing goes. Don't think of college as what you'll fall back on if things don't work out. Think of it as staying one step ahead of the inevitable.

Be strong. This decision is a big deal. It's one of those things that turns a girl into a woman. I wrote something in my personal blog the other day that really applies here, and I want you to take it to heart:

Sacrificing your dreams at the altar of reality is a rite of passage for everyone but a handful of rock stars and ballerinas. You can't ever let that shit get to you, or else you'll end up leading one of those lives of quiet desperation.

The trick is a healthy line of succession. When a dream dies, you gotta pick up that crown and put it on the next head right away. It doesn't matter if the new dream is thirteen years old and terrified, that bitch is queen now.

The dream is dead. Long live the dream.

I can't stop thinking about infinity and the expanding universe. It's getting to be a problem where I have to force myself not to think about it or else I feel sick and begin having anxiety pains. What can I do?


Instead of freaking out about your utter insignificance in an unimaginably vast and ever expanding universe, focus all of your concentration on the brutal inevitability of your own death.

Just kidding. Do drugs.

I'm a seventeen year old bisexual guy. I've only ever been with girls, and I'm not ready to be "out" yet. I've been having strong urges for guys lately. Is there anything you can suggest? I'm frustrated.


Gee, sport. I'm sorry to hear that high school pussy just ain't cutting it for you.

Until you're ready to man up and embrace your bisexuality, I'm afraid your only options are of the skanky and anonymous variety. The most obvious poor life choice available to a closeted bi-curious teenage boy is Craigslist.

You can just hop online and cruise for meth-fueled man love any time of the day or night. I'm sure if you post the above question word-for-word, you'll be knee deep in strange cock and by sundown.

Go get 'em, tiger.

I'm half way through the damn thing.

[Triple Zero]

2.  Cornwall has to exist, BB, or people in Southampton would start wearing beards with no mustaches, and you'd have to move everyone North, into the mythical "Midlands" that I have already proven aren't actually there.

BTW you know who else is from Cornwall? This  guy ...

[Disco Pickle]

^ Richard D. James is fucking amazing AND he's welsh.  Pretty damn rare.

Found this linked through coketalk.  Another damn funny read.

tomyhusband.tumblr.com

[navkat]

I love her. She's one of the reasons I became comfortable coming out about my polyamory.