Author Topic: Strangers who text me  (Read 7617 times)

Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Strangers who text me
« on: March 16, 2011, 09:54:54 pm »
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt.  Sometimes they are mad at Matt.  Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.

I have tired of telling them I am not he;  I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place.  I've begun saving the contacts and replying.






Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2011, 09:55:27 pm »
Some Asshole:  yo- that car was too close-  it took me 10 minutes to back out today-  please be more considerate in the future-

Me:  Oh, sorry.  Your car doesn't go sideways?

Phox

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 7100
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2011, 09:55:40 pm »
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt.  Sometimes they are mad at Matt.  Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.

I have tired of telling them I am not he;  I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place.  I've begun saving the contacts and replying.






Yes.  :fap:

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90457
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2011, 09:56:06 pm »
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt.  Sometimes they are mad at Matt.  Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.

I have tired of telling them I am not he;  I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place.  I've begun saving the contacts and replying.

Tell them that you ("Matt") have decided to chuck it all and move to Dobbstown, Malaysia, in search of spiritual peace.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 7100
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2011, 09:56:59 pm »
Some Asshole:  yo- that car was too close-  it took me 10 minutes to back out today-  please be more considerate in the future-

Me:  Oh, sorry.  Your car doesn't go sideways?

:lol:

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90457
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2011, 09:58:21 pm »
Post more texts.  I will give you advice.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ

  • Fred?
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 8035
  • Pissss
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2011, 10:01:14 pm »
I too get texts from colorado, from a mexican guy who thinks i am his sister in law :? :? :?

Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2011, 10:02:31 pm »
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt.  Sometimes they are mad at Matt.  Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.

I have tired of telling them I am not he;  I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place.  I've begun saving the contacts and replying.

Tell them that you ("Matt") have decided to chuck it all and move to Dobbstown, Malaysia, in search of spiritual peace.

Just texted the car complainer.

"I've decided to move to Dobbstown, Malaysia in search of spiritual peace.  Can I borrow your towel?"

Him:  ? No

:lulz:

Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Him:  "They split and I thought u should know.  They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done.  Ya better get ahold of her"

WHAT TO DO?

Lies

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 6637
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Him:  "They split and I thought u should know.  They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done.  Ya better get ahold of her"

WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order… is you!

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90457
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2011, 10:04:28 pm »
I too get texts from colorado, from a mexican guy who thinks i am his sister in law :? :? :?

Tell him you're concerned about Marty.

Don't explain a thing.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 7100
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2011, 10:05:04 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Him:  "They split and I thought u should know.  They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done.  Ya better get ahold of her"

WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
Ask for HIS number.  :lulz:

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20460
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2011, 10:07:07 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Him:  "They split and I thought u should know.  They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done.  Ya better get ahold of her"

WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.

Yes! This allows for expanding the hilarity. I recommend something like: Hey there, sorry to hear you split up with the boyfriend. But I would like to take this opportunity to just say I'd like to see you poon, I'd like to touch it soon, I would like to stir it up and eat it with a spoon.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Jasper

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 15897
  • Pull-Start Enema Wasteland
    • View Profile
Re: Strangers who text me
« Reply #14 on: March 16, 2011, 10:07:43 pm »
Different guy:  Hey bro.  Have you talked to Michelle lately

Me:  Yes.  Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis.  Size of a dog.  Very ferocious.  All very extinct. Sad..

Seconds later:  Well u heard the news?  The love of your life single again :-)

(I'm thinking, what?  That didn't seem weird at all?)

Me: Oh.  Explain?

<waiting on reply>

Him:  "They split and I thought u should know.  They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done.  Ya better get ahold of her"

WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.

"I seem to have deleted her number in a fit of impotent rage and self-pity.  Do you have it?"