Well, that's gonna put a fucking damper on things

Started by East Coast Hustle, March 20, 2011, 08:11:36 AM

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Phox

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 02:39:29 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 24, 2011, 02:38:05 AM
What's #2?

"I pay your salary, Goddammit."

That's a good one.  Leads to no end of hilarity.
I request to see the full list.  :lulz:

navkat


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: navkat on March 24, 2011, 02:55:07 AM
I already suspect that I know what #1 is.

"Don't you have real criminals to bother?"
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sexecutioner Chao Tight

If'n your at all interested in the cop thing... and want to check into it with someone in the know... my baby bro has a year + under his belt with the PoPo.  I could prolly get you in touch.  He has many wonderful stories of his adventures on SE 82nd and in NE.  Most of his best stories so far involve people being complete fucking idiots with what they say in response to his simple questions.  Then there was the old lady that kicked him in the 'nads because him and his partner wouldn't take all 152 cats and/or dogs/gerbils/rabbits - I don't fucking know what kind of critters - away for her because she was having 'issues'.  Really, really cool way to get to know people though.
Yeah, be cop.
High Priestess of the First Church of the Burnt Lizard.  Protector of Chickens.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Sexecutioner Chao Tight on March 24, 2011, 03:02:04 AM
If'n your at all interested in the cop thing... and want to check into it with someone in the know... my baby bro has a year + under his belt with the PoPo.  I could prolly get you in touch.  He has many wonderful stories of his adventures on SE 82nd and in NE.  Most of his best stories so far involve people being complete fucking idiots with what they say in response to his simple questions.  Then there was the old lady that kicked him in the 'nads because him and his partner wouldn't take all 152 cats and/or dogs/gerbils/rabbits - I don't fucking know what kind of critters - away for her because she was having 'issues'.  Really, really cool way to get to know people though.
Yeah, be cop.


I couldn't keep a straight face, so I whored out to Big Oil and called it a day.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

If I decided to be a cop, I'd HAVE to move. I don't have it in me to be a PDX cop.

ECH,
won't shoot unarmed black men, crazy homeless people, or teenage girls without a halfway decent reason
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Lies

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 02:35:23 AM
Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 02:34:28 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 02:31:46 AM
Here's why:

ECH:  "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

Dickhead:  "Do you KNOW who you're talking to?"

ECH:  "Sir, please step out of the car for the field sobriety test."

(Note that the field sobriety test sometimes includes rolling down embankments.)

Again, LOLing.

There are a few things you never say to a cop.  That is #3 on the list.

So, what are the things you *Should* say to a cop?
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order... is you!

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 24, 2011, 03:06:38 AM
If I decided to be a cop, I'd HAVE to move. I don't have it in me to be a PDX cop.

ECH,
won't shoot unarmed black men, crazy homeless people, or teenage girls without a halfway decent reason

Tucson cops are pretty cool.  And our county (Pima) sheriff has ten thousand screaming teabaggers trying to recall him because he won't make his men beat up random Hispanics.  I am sure there are other cities that also reserve official wrath for entitled assbags driving Lexuses.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Lies on March 24, 2011, 03:07:36 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 02:35:23 AM
Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 02:34:28 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 02:31:46 AM
Here's why:

ECH:  "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

Dickhead:  "Do you KNOW who you're talking to?"

ECH:  "Sir, please step out of the car for the field sobriety test."

(Note that the field sobriety test sometimes includes rolling down embankments.)

Again, LOLing.

There are a few things you never say to a cop.  That is #3 on the list.

So, what are the things you *Should* say to a cop?

Lots of things.  Just keep in mind that being polite to cranky, armed men costs you nothing, and that the cop has already had a far, far worse day than you are, the stop included.  For example, you probably didn't spend an hour cleaning wino vomit out of the back seat of you car.  You probably also didn't shovel a dead 19 year old hooker out of a dumpster the previous night.

Note that this may not apply in all areas.  ECH indicates that PDX may be one of those other areas.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

The cops are the only thing in this town I'm afraid of. :lulz:



Though I have a healthy respect for the bridges.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 24, 2011, 03:13:45 AM

Though I have a healthy respect for the bridges.

When they start singing to you, drive South like a mad bastard.  We'll hide you.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

navkat

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 03:01:27 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 24, 2011, 02:55:07 AM
I already suspect that I know what #1 is.

"Don't you have real criminals to bother?"

I was gonna go with "Why you stop me? I didn't do NOTHIN wrong Ididn'tdonuthinwrong why you stop me for, huh? You ain't got no more donuts left to eat or something?"

Or thereabouts.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: navkat on March 24, 2011, 03:20:41 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 24, 2011, 03:01:27 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 24, 2011, 02:55:07 AM
I already suspect that I know what #1 is.

"Don't you have real criminals to bother?"

I was gonna go with "Why you stop me? I didn't do NOTHIN wrong Ididn'tdonuthinwrong why you stop me for, huh? You ain't got no more donuts left to eat or something?"

Or thereabouts.

That translates roughly to "Officer, would you mind terribly hauling me out of the window and applying your taser to my bits?".
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sexecutioner Chao Tight

Quote from: Rip City Hustle on March 24, 2011, 03:06:38 AM
... shoot unarmed black men, crazy homeless people, or teenage girls without a halfway decent reason
oh c'mon, you know any half-way self-respecting metro area practically prides itself on having "some" members of it's police force being bat-shit crazy.  Fuck, I think there are three deputies that cover the county I live in, I know at least one of them is fucking insane.
High Priestess of the First Church of the Burnt Lizard.  Protector of Chickens.

East Coast Hustle

First of all, I don't think PDX counts as a "halfway self-respecting metro area". Barely 2 million people, and a quarter of them live in Clark County. Some of them even live in Gresham.

And I've lived in alot of places and a fair number of big cities. Portland has the worst cops I've seen outside of San Juan and St. Thomas.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"