CRAMULUS

[Freeky]

No, I'm a coyote, which is a species of...fuck...rabbit.

YOU.

Call your fucking people off.

3 nights in the past week I've been woken up just before 6 am by their god damned wailing howls.

Celebrating a victory.  We get that, too, a couple times a night, out back in the golf course.

Is it something you just get used to?

Also, I'm already fucking terrified of mountain lions after some of the horror stories I've heard.

No, it's not obvious I moved to the rugged mountains from a city at all

Yep, either that or they all left to find better game.  A couple dogs ambushed the coyotes over here.

Mountain lions ARE scary, do nevar test.  Your best bet is to stay around populated areas as much as you can, and ask an expert what to do if you see one, because I sure as fuck don't know, and I don't want to be held responsible for telling you something wrong.

We have some really nice townhome properties on resort kind of out in bfe.

Last year supposedly there was a mountain lion that claimed one of the porches/deck as its sunning perch, and also was known to sleep next to the grill on said deck.

Working nights that fucking terrifies me. Moreso than the black bears that can open doors and rip the tops off of dumpsters.

I think bears are more dangerous because they seem less dangerous, but they're just being sneaky bastards.  And bears don't go in for year-round eating, you know.  In fall they are crazy bad ass scary.;

[Freeky]

Have you ever stared into the eyes of a cougar?

It's a life changing experience.

[Da6s]

I think bears are more dangerous because they seem less dangerous, but they're just being sneaky bastards.  And bears don't go in for year-round eating, you know.  In fall they are crazy bad ass scary.;

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

[Da6s]

Have you ever stared into the eyes of a cougar?

It's a life changing experience.

*hangs head*

Unfortunately yes. I'm like a fucking cougar magnet when eating/drinking in a decent restaurant/pub alone.

And to date only one cougar out of the several has been even remotely attractive. I always get the wrinkly old bitches with gaudy jewelry and voices that sound like their preferred breakfast is a big bowl of virginia slims.

[Freeky]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Have you ever stared into the eyes of a cougar?

It's a life changing experience.

*hangs head*

Unfortunately yes. I'm like a fucking cougar magnet when eating/drinking in a decent restaurant/pub alone.

And to date only one cougar out of the several has been even remotely attractive. I always get the wrinkly old bitches with gaudy jewelry and voices that sound like their preferred breakfast is a big bowl of virginia slims.

[Don Coyote]

I think bears are more dangerous because they seem less dangerous, but they're just being sneaky bastards.  And bears don't go in for year-round eating, you know.  In fall they are crazy bad ass scary.;

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

http://www.coldsteel.com/boarspear.html


You would be better off with a handgun than a sword cane.

You would be even better off hiking with one or more buddies.

[Don Coyote]

Have you ever stared into the eyes of a cougar?

It's a life changing experience.

*hangs head*

Unfortunately yes. I'm like a fucking cougar magnet when eating/drinking in a decent restaurant/pub alone.

And to date only one cougar out of the several has been even remotely attractive. I always get the wrinkly old bitches with gaudy jewelry and voices that sound like their preferred breakfast is a big bowl of virginia slims.

Word choice was intentional.

[Da6s]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

Arizona: America's Austrailia, loaded with small things that will fuck your shit up.


Lots of sticks here, so that won't be a problem. There are some ski poles in our L&F, and they'd totally make good walking/stabbing tools.

[Freeky]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

Arizona: America's Austrailia, loaded with small things that will fuck your shit up.


Lots of sticks here, so that won't be a problem. There are some ski poles in our L&F, and they'd totally make good walking/stabbing tools.

I just laughed like that one dog who was a cartoon badguy's sidekick.  Name was somethink like smelly, or Snarky, Or Snickely.  Sminkly?  I don't fucking know. 

We also have BIG shit that will fuck you up, like mountain lions, bears, coyotes, ostriches, and javelinas (FFS, EVEN THE BIRDS AND THE PIG-RAT THINGS WILL FUCKING YOUR SHIT!!!).

[Da6s]

I think bears are more dangerous because they seem less dangerous, but they're just being sneaky bastards.  And bears don't go in for year-round eating, you know.  In fall they are crazy bad ass scary.;

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

http://www.coldsteel.com/boarspear.html


You would be better off with a handgun than a sword cane.

You would be even better off hiking with one or more buddies.

I'm really just a day hiker. All people I'd maybe go with out here are fucking crazy hardcore, and I really don't think accompanying them would be a fun experience for me.

Example: my landlords are hardcore crazy. Colorado has several ski resorts from the 60's/70's/80's that are now abandoned, but still have facilities/cabins for hard ass backcountry skiers/riders to stay in. Said landlords have gone out 6 different 3 day stints this season, left in the middle of the night, drove 5 hours even though where they're going is only 20 miles away (hooray mountains), ditch their car in a spot they know, hike in 2+ feet deep powder for 8 or more hours each carrying 70 lbs of gear and other shits, not counting the 150lb sled they drag behind them. They hike to said cabin on whichever abandoned ski resort they're hitting, wake up, take a run to the base, spend 4 hours climbing back up, take another run, spend another 4 hours, get drunk, sleep, and hike back to their car.

Oh, and everytime they've gone out i've been the emergency contact where if they aren't back by a certain time it's my job to call 911, and give all the details of their location to the emergency search party.

[Don Coyote]

Make friends with casual hikers.

[Da6s]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

Arizona: America's Austrailia, loaded with small things that will fuck your shit up.


Lots of sticks here, so that won't be a problem. There are some ski poles in our L&F, and they'd totally make good walking/stabbing tools.

I just laughed like that one dog who was a cartoon badguy's sidekick.  Name was somethink like smelly, or Snarky, Or Snickely.  Sminkly?  I don't fucking know. 

We also have BIG shit that will fuck you up, like mountain lions, bears, coyotes, ostriches, and javelinas (FFS, EVEN THE BIRDS AND THE PIG-RAT THINGS WILL FUCKING YOUR SHIT!!!).

I know we've got retarded goats, elk and moose which just don't give a fuck, foxes every fucking where, mountain lions, black bears, rabits, and some predator birds.

None of those kill you to death bugs, hooray high elevations.

[Freeky]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

Arizona: America's Austrailia, loaded with small things that will fuck your shit up.


Lots of sticks here, so that won't be a problem. There are some ski poles in our L&F, and they'd totally make good walking/stabbing tools.

I just laughed like that one dog who was a cartoon badguy's sidekick.  Name was somethink like smelly, or Snarky, Or Snickely.  Sminkly?  I don't fucking know. 

We also have BIG shit that will fuck you up, like mountain lions, bears, coyotes, ostriches, and javelinas (FFS, EVEN THE BIRDS AND THE PIG-RAT THINGS WILL FUCKING YOUR SHIT!!!).

I know we've got retarded goats, elk and moose which just don't give a fuck, foxes every fucking where, mountain lions, black bears, rabits, and some predator birds.

None of those kill you to death bugs, hooray high elevations.

Moose aren't nothing to fuck with either. 

Nature, dude.  It's fucking rough.

[Da6s]

bears here are just black bears, which we had in the Smokies. Ran across mama bear and cubs three times while hiking various trails, aside from having to wait for them to go on their way they weren't bad.

As for the mountain lion safety: http://police.ucsc.edu/liondoc1.html

DO NOT HIKE ALONE. Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a lion. Go in groups, with adults supervising children. A sturdy walking stick is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a lion.

Fuck. I do almost all my hiking alone.

I need a makeshift pike. Or one of those old man canes with sword inside.

We don't have big sticks here, unless it's still attached to a dead and downed tree in a wash, and that's something else you don't want to fuck with.  Spiders, scorpions, and snakes prefer those kinds of hangouts. We got black bears here, too, but more up towards Mount Lemmon than down here. I think we got browns too.

Arizona: America's Austrailia, loaded with small things that will fuck your shit up.


Lots of sticks here, so that won't be a problem. There are some ski poles in our L&F, and they'd totally make good walking/stabbing tools.

I just laughed like that one dog who was a cartoon badguy's sidekick.  Name was somethink like smelly, or Snarky, Or Snickely.  Sminkly?  I don't fucking know. 

We also have BIG shit that will fuck you up, like mountain lions, bears, coyotes, ostriches, and javelinas (FFS, EVEN THE BIRDS AND THE PIG-RAT THINGS WILL FUCKING YOUR SHIT!!!).

I know we've got retarded goats, elk and moose which just don't give a fuck, foxes every fucking where, mountain lions, black bears, rabits, and some predator birds.

None of those kill you to death bugs, hooray high elevations.

Moose aren't nothing to fuck with either. 

Nature, dude.  It's fucking rough.

There were 3 or so moose that forced me to sit in the car for 10 minutes as they slowly decided it was time to cross the road back in january.

They really don't give a shit. and they're fucking huge.