More Futurisitic Fun Than You Really Wanted, part I of V

[Luna]

This page has just made me jizz intestinal fluid all over my monitor and keyboard. Was beginning to think teh thread was going to die now and, hell, if it had that'd been plenty but no - there's moar 

Oh, hell, no, there's plenty more out there.  Just folks lying back, having a smoke, and getting ready for another round.

[P3nT4gR4m]

[Luna]

Sweet!

I've got another bit, but it won't gel...  Gonna let it stew for awhile.

[P3nT4gR4m]

This should make sense eventually...

[Wyldkat]

   The darkness vibrated with sound.  She could feel it all over her body, but particularly through her feet and that was what she was paying attention to currently.  Part of the brilliant vibrations she felt were from the song of her pack.  She could feel them shifting behind her, slowly growing more impatient, but it wasn't time yet.  They would have to keep waiting for awhile longer.  She looked back at them, the darkness of the Below only allowing faint outlines of black against black.  They were all good fighters, most veterans of many hunts.  Her song shifted expressing her pride in them and theirs warped to match hers.  Pleased that spirits were high she went back to concentrating on the vibrations of the Below.
   She could feel the very faint vibrations of her sister Alpha's pack even with the distance between them.  It wasn't the part of the song her ears could hear, but the deep subsonics that communicated across long distances.  She tuned in to that sensation, readjusting her weight on her haunches, settling in for the wait.  It was one of her sister's pack that was acting as scout this hunt, lying in wait for the next group of armored Above creatures that they knew would eventually venture out into the Below.  The other Alpha was close enough to feel the alert from the single scout and then her pack would sing the signal alerting the other group with the vibrations.
   Her pack was to feast on the first, smaller group while her sister's pack took the larger group by surprise from behind.  They were each expecting to lose about half of their respective packs on this hunt, but there should be much meat to bring back to the den.  It would be a satisfying fight with good rewards.
   Suddenly the strumming deep vibrations shifted urgency and she rose off the ground, changing her song to her pack as she did.  They all rose in unison, their singing mutating to merge with hers, matching it, alerting her sister Alpha that they had received her message.  She led them through the passages in search of their quarry, feeling for the vibrations of metal on artificially made stone and allowing them to guide her to her goal, her song taking on an exhilarated fighting edge and her pack matching her in song and movement.  Nothing could possibly surpass the joy of an Alpha leading her pack on the attack.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nice.

[LMNO]

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

[Wyldkat]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

We're kind of not explaining about Nessies.  Or, if people choose to, we're letting contradictions stand in the publication, because eye witness testimony is notoriously shit.

[Don Coyote]

   The darkness vibrated with sound.  She could feel it all over her body, but particularly through her feet and that was what she was paying attention to currently.  Part of the brilliant vibrations she felt were from the song of her pack.  She could feel them shifting behind her, slowly growing more impatient, but it wasn't time yet.  They would have to keep waiting for awhile longer.  She looked back at them, the darkness of the Below only allowing faint outlines of black against black.  They were all good fighters, most veterans of many hunts.  Her song shifted expressing her pride in them and theirs warped to match hers.  Pleased that spirits were high she went back to concentrating on the vibrations of the Below.
   She could feel the very faint vibrations of her sister Alpha's pack even with the distance between them.  It wasn't the part of the song her ears could hear, but the deep subsonics that communicated across long distances.  She tuned in to that sensation, readjusting her weight on her haunches, settling in for the wait.  It was one of her sister's pack that was acting as scout this hunt, lying in wait for the next group of armored Above creatures that they knew would eventually venture out into the Below.  The other Alpha was close enough to feel the alert from the single scout and then her pack would sing the signal alerting the other group with the vibrations.
   Her pack was to feast on the first, smaller group while her sister's pack took the larger group by surprise from behind.  They were each expecting to lose about half of their respective packs on this hunt, but there should be much meat to bring back to the den.  It would be a satisfying fight with good rewards.
   Suddenly the strumming deep vibrations shifted urgency and she rose off the ground, changing her song to her pack as she did.  They all rose in unison, their singing mutating to merge with hers, matching it, alerting her sister Alpha that they had received her message.  She led them through the passages in search of their quarry, feeling for the vibrations of metal on artificially made stone and allowing them to guide her to her goal, her song taking on an exhilarated fighting edge and her pack matching her in song and movement.  Nothing could possibly surpass the joy of an Alpha leading her pack on the attack.

And then Corporal Jameson woke up in a cold sweat and took a big slug of 'Juice.

[Wyldkat]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

We're kind of not explaining about Nessies.  Or, if people choose to, we're letting contradictions stand in the publication, because eye witness testimony is notoriously shit.

Oh, I know that, I did read the thread.  The nessies just caught in my head and I started wondering about how they worked and that was what happened.  I tried not to put in anything too descriptive, at least not physcially.  If you want me to change anything I can.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

We're kind of not explaining about Nessies.  Or, if people choose to, we're letting contradictions stand in the publication, because eye witness testimony is notoriously shit.

Oh, I know that, I did read the thread.  The nessies just caught in my head and I started wondering about how they worked and that was what happened.  I tried not to put in anything too descriptive, at least not physcially.  If you want me to change anything I can.

Nope.  If I throw yours in an issue (and, obviously, you agree to the terms), I may edit it...If I do, I will run the finished bits past you for your approval.  Other than that, this is open source horror.

[Don Coyote]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

We're kind of not explaining about Nessies.  Or, if people choose to, we're letting contradictions stand in the publication, because eye witness testimony is notoriously shit.

Oh, I know that, I did read the thread.  The nessies just caught in my head and I started wondering about how they worked and that was what happened.  I tried not to put in anything too descriptive, at least not physcially.  If you want me to change anything I can.

Knowing how the monster thinks make it less scary. If you know what it wants, how and why it does things you can start to predict it more. Put it into your world filter. The Unknown is the scariest thing of all.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nice.

Thanks.

Not bad at all.

I'd say a bit... declarative?  Um.  In a way, not vague enough.  It's not the "show, don't tell" problem.  It's... wossname.  Needs more vague, alluded-to horror.  Or pointing at some distant, un-named truth.  Or something.

But maybe that's just me.  Refer to ECH's take on first person Nessie for clarification.

Still, good job, and thanks for jumping in.

I've read the whole thread from start to finish.  Love this thread...

I'll think on it.  This popped up because I was wondering how the nessies could coordinate over distances.  I was trying to think from their perspective.  Good/Bad is all relative after all.  Might go back and edit it if I can figure out what to tweak.

The other idea that was bouncing around was the hive mind concept that someone else had mentioned earlier.  I was trying to go for a leaders and drones type feel, but I don't think I got it very well.

We're kind of not explaining about Nessies.  Or, if people choose to, we're letting contradictions stand in the publication, because eye witness testimony is notoriously shit.

Oh, I know that, I did read the thread.  The nessies just caught in my head and I started wondering about how they worked and that was what happened.  I tried not to put in anything too descriptive, at least not physcially.  If you want me to change anything I can.

Knowing how the monster thinks make it less scary. If you know what it wants, how and why it does things you can start to predict it more. Put it into your world filter. The Unknown is the scariest thing of all.

That was my thinking.  It turns from horror to fear, which has less impact.

Still, it's open source.  Anyone can write what they please (within the Thieves World Rules), but nobody is expected to conform to anyone else's story line.

[Don Coyote]

Knowing how the monster thinks make it less scary. If you know what it wants, how and why it does things you can start to predict it more. Put it into your world filter. The Unknown is the scariest thing of all.

That was my thinking.  It turns from horror to fear, which has less impact.

Still, it's open source.  Anyone can write what they please (within the Thieves World Rules), but nobody is expected to conform to anyone else's story line.

So many horror movies just end up blowing because of that.

30 days of night? WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING TERRIFYING if they hadn't made the reveal that the whatsits that were cause troubles were vampires.
Vampires aren't even horror worthy anymore.