News:

Yes we're horrible toxic people, because this is 2020's Mental Illness Olympics, and the winners get a free pass on giving life-threatening advice with the bonus of having zero accountability for their shit behaviour.

Main Menu

More Futurisitic Fun Than You Really Wanted, part I of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 29, 2011, 04:58:14 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

This is my last Will and Testament. Written on a fucking takeaway napkin.

I know no one will never see it because no one comes down here anymore and the shit they make napkins out of decays pretty quick. It will get wet or dry and the lines I'm scribbling with this cheap-ass eyeliner pencil will fade or smear.

But it's this or run screaming into madness and the jaws of whatever the fuck THAT was.

Tiny, tiny scribbles on a napkin. My last god damn thread of sanity. FUCK. ME.

I got lost. Lost. Exploring the ruins. Who even does that anymore? No one even remembers what this place used to be called. I don't think I heard it at Uni. And they certainly don't talk about this place in little school.

This crumbling eyesore isn't even part of the city anymore. Nobody in the world has the faintest idea of where I'm at.

Stuck in a rusting train car inside the 'Tube'.

No one goes underground anymore, for any reason. Why did I run down when it started raining?

I was lost. It began to rain. That's how I got here.

And I heard a sort of singing . . . I guess. Wailing, maybe. I thought someone was living here. But I was wrong.

Something. The reason no one goes underground. Why we call miners 'zombies' - because they're the walking dead. Can't marry. Can't inherit. Can't live in the cities. Can't win the lotto. Can't vote. Because they're already dead.

Because they went underground.

I'm already dead. I'm underground.

But I don't want to die. I don't want to be dead.

Logically, I know it's been maybe four hours since I hopped over the tumbled-down fence and left the living world. The real world.

I thought it was pretty. The sprawl of jagged and time-worn-round structures jutting against the sky. The random bits of wildlife and Nature that have reclaimed the abandoned area. It seemed quiet. Serene. Almost holy.

But it's fucking cursed.

There are more of them now. I can hear the singing again. More voices. From multiple directions.

I am so scared. There's a scream pressing against the back of my teeth so hard I'm afraid it will shatter them.

Please, I don't want to die. I don't want to be eaten.

I don't want to be out of napkin.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Luna

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

You asked my opinion.

We've seen this same phenomenon over and over, in several civilizations. This new iteration of the 'Nessie' mythos is nothing more than a cry for help from a small section of the populace. And this section of the populace will, upon inspection, turn out to be entirely comprised of the impoverished, uneducated, and ill-bred.

Time and time again these unfortunate souls have refused to improve their lot and do what it takes to conform to societal norms. And this current furor is nothing more than an attempt to garner sympathy, money, and a free ride.

Encouraging and enabling this outcry with any sort of attention is deplorable at best and making cruel sport of the unmotivated denizens of our society.

I urge you to ban this topic from all forms of media where possible and ignore it utterly otherwise. Dedicating air time and man hours to the pandering of ineptitude is ludicrous, irresponsible, and wasteful.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Adios

From a recording located at weapons development;

"What have you got for me?"

"Payne! Welcome to WD. I think you will like what we came up with. These 4 inch pancakes are designed to work with the mirror squad. They will slide perfectly under the side mirrors. Once activated a rod telescopes up. The rods are actually a super high intensity laser designed to slice the bastards."

"What is the effective range of these lasers?"

"100 feet Sir. Ideally the mirror carts will block the nest entrance, slide the weapons out, activate them and then retreat back out of the entrance. Since the lasers have a 50 degree back and forth radius they should cover at least 95% of the nest."

"Excellent. Let's get the mirror squad training with these. You have one week before we go live."

"Yes sir."

Adios

recording from OPs

"Mirror Team ready"

Mop-up Team 1 ready."

Mop-up Team 2 ready."

"Confirmed all teams ready. Move out. mop-up teams remember to stay 100 feet behind the mirrors. No noise everybody."

"Roger, moving now."

"Jesus, we have committed 56 warriors to this mission. This better work."
"I know, we have never sent this many in at once before."

"Ops, Mirror team in position. Weapons deployed and activated. We are backing up ....HOLY SHIT! THEY ARE CHARGING! GET US THE HELL OUT...."

(sounds of some kind of conflict)


"Mirror team report"

"Mirror team, this is OPs, report."

"Mop-up teams, move in now!"

"Roger that."
"...hear singing..."
"must be hundreds"
"SHIT"

(mixed unidentified sounds, fighting, screams, singing)


"Ops, we are being over-run. We are trying to dis-engage and retreat."

"We estimate betw...."

"Sir, we have lost all of our headcam feeds, and it seems we have lost audio as well."

(5 minutes of dead silence)

"It's not the feeds we have lost son. Damn, better get Payne on the horn."

"Turn off that fucking recorder, NOW."

end recording

Luna

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Adios


Luna

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

I've enjoyed this thread more than anything else we've done on PD, I think.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Payne

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 05:33:01 PM
I've enjoyed this thread more than anything else we've done on PD, I think.

The crazy momentum it built up almost instantly was awesome (in the next to most recent vernacular use of the word), and I think you really hit a weird nerve with everyone with it.

And of course I love it cause it's got my name all over it, and occasionally I do like to indulge my narcissitic side.

Adios


Luna

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 05:33:01 PM
I've enjoyed this thread more than anything else we've done on PD, I think.

I've loved this thing.   :lulz:  Y'all are awesome.

So...

/cracks knuckles

What's next?   :mrgreen:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Adios