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That line from the father's song in Mary Poppins, where he's going on about how nothing can go wrong, in Britain in 1910.  That's about the point I realized the boy was gonna die in a trench.

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More Futurisitic Fun Than You Really Wanted, part I of V

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 29, 2011, 04:58:14 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I have a confession. I have not read ANY of this. The reason is that I came back to the forum and was in a pretty shell-shocked place when it all started up, and I said to myself "There is no way I can appreciate this right now, I will save it for when I'm more mentally competent" and then it got HUGE. So I have been treating it like a movie I'd like to see... avoiding spoilers as much as I can. But I would love to see it compiled into a book at some point... it's beautiful and I think it would make an amazing collection of shorts!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Luna

Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 20, 2011, 02:09:34 PM
SO MUCH INFO

But I've put together pretty much every important event, place or person in Nessies up to halfway through the fifth page.

NESSIES INTERNAL WIKI

This is awesome, Dingo.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Luna on July 20, 2011, 07:31:11 PM
Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 20, 2011, 02:09:34 PM
SO MUCH INFO

But I've put together pretty much every important event, place or person in Nessies up to halfway through the fifth page.

NESSIES INTERNAL WIKI

This is awesome, Dingo.

Fuck, yeah! Keep up the good work. If you happened to include some of my illustrations my ego would become a thing of awesome, unprecedented scale and grandeur!

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Placid Dingo

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on July 20, 2011, 08:49:33 PM
Quote from: Luna on July 20, 2011, 07:31:11 PM
Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 20, 2011, 02:09:34 PM
SO MUCH INFO

But I've put together pretty much every important event, place or person in Nessies up to halfway through the fifth page.

NESSIES INTERNAL WIKI

This is awesome, Dingo.

Fuck, yeah! Keep up the good work. If you happened to include some of my illustrations my ego would become a thing of awesome, unprecedented scale and grandeur!

I might need someone with better wiki-Fu to help there.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Jenne

Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 20, 2011, 02:09:34 PM
SO MUCH INFO

But I've put together pretty much every important event, place or person in Nessies up to halfway through the fifth page.

NESSIES INTERNAL WIKI

HOLEE SHIT.  So much awesome.  :mittens:

Placid Dingo

Quote"Brother, wouldn't you know it?  I think one of those camelbacks is about to blow.  Jimmy set it down and I heard a click.  You know what happens after you hear them clicks."

"Goddammit.  What happened to Stan?  Wasn't he going to check all that shit for us?  You remember Eddie told us the damned things were booby-trapped by the government in the first place."

"Yeah, well, guess he missed one."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

What's a Camelback?
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Placid Dingo

Quote"We are doing what we can.  The juice isn't working anymore, the supplies are fairly limited.  We need the formula."

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=28761.msg1023685#msg1023685

IS this the Payne Juice, or something used to kill Nessies?
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Jenne

Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 24, 2011, 02:44:19 PM
Quote“Brother, wouldn’t you know it?  I think one of those camelbacks is about to blow.  Jimmy set it down and I heard a click.  You know what happens after you hear them clicks.”

“Goddammit.  What happened to Stan?  Wasn’t he going to check all that shit for us?  You remember Eddie told us the damned things were booby-trapped by the government in the first place.”

“Yeah, well, guess he missed one.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

What's a Camelback?

Is a water pack you wear on your back when you're biking or hiking, is a backpack with drinking hose.

Like so:


Jenne

Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 24, 2011, 03:46:02 PM
Quote“We are doing what we can.  The juice isn’t working anymore, the supplies are fairly limited.  We need the formula.”

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=28761.msg1023685#msg1023685

IS this the Payne Juice, or something used to kill Nessies?

Payne Juice.  They wanted to formulate something to make the whole operation move faster, stronger, etc.

Placid Dingo

Cool. I though so with the packs but wasnt sure. The gas isn't the juice though is it? They're different things.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Jenne

Quote from: Placid Dingo on July 25, 2011, 06:44:27 AM
Cool. I though so with the packs but wasnt sure. The gas isn't the juice though is it? They're different things.

This is where you lose ME.  :lulz:  The minutiae between the arcs is part of the reason why I stopped my portion--it was getting complicated.

Placid Dingo

Righto. They want the formulae for the gas; I know gas is slang for speed so I wasn't sure, since there are weapons needed in sewers using gas. I'll record it as Payne juice.

Also, getting some cool ideas.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Eater of Clowns

Everyone has the story that turns them into The Bard when they start telling it.  Picturing events many years past that seem so recent, using words they barely know but fit so perfectly.  Hayes has a few of these, recounting them after a long night at the pub while his wife rolled her eyes and his mates leaned in closer to hear it again.

His favorite one was the whole fish he found in a frozen puddle one day.  He and two other friends decided it would be the perfect decoration for the boot of their co-worker's car, the latch of which was conveniently failing at its trusted duty.  Problem was how fast the thing was actually stuck.  On a busy Southampton day they took turns attempting to free it, kicking and digging, tossing road salt and only just barely resisting the urge to piss on the thing.  In the yelling and screams of pain as they repeatedly stubbed their toes on such a rock solid fish, a constable came by, gazed upon the scene with wonder and alarm, and went along his way.  In the process, its left eye caved in.  Eventually they pulled it free and, wrapping it in discarded newspaper, walked with this now dented and disfigured fish the several blocks to put it in their mate's boot.  It was three weeks before he found the thing, and that in the middle of a date with a woman who, several years later, would become his wife.

Even Hayes' mother had one of these stories.  Of course it was rather embarrassing for Alec throughout his life as she recounted in vivid detail his fourth birthday as he bit a clown they'd brought along to surprise him.

If the woman sitting before him now had such an event, and given her line of work he was sure she would, the one he wanted to know about was clearly not one of them.  Elaina Huntman stopped reporting entirely after the day at the school.  Hayes knew she saw her cameraman taken down by a Nessie that seemed to single him out with a bizarre, animalistic purpose in the way that they do.

"I'm looking for a young man," Hayes said to her, sitting near her by the window of a dusty little room.  He'd been let in by her flatmate, though Huntman herself was expecting him.  To hear the flatmate tell, though, she'd been accepting requests to meet from all sorts lately only to leave them largely on their own when she was face to face.

It took some maneuvering to find the place.  He recognized the name from the television but it wasn't so easy to extract an address.  Finally he claimed to be seeking her out for insurance purposes and only had a telephone number she hadn't been answering.  Even then her former workplace was loathe to give it up.

Huntman looked through him for a while, and with her bright blue eyes he could almost feel the gaze pass directly into his chest.  It was chilling like the song of the Nessies and he shuddered.  "What's that to do with me," she finally asked.

"He goes by Sams.  Probably wouldn't have told you any more information because he didn't want his name on that little bar on the bottom of the screen saying Sam Sams of Southampton.  You know him."

"Yes," was all she said, and she looked out the window again.

How did he come to be in that building?  Did he contact you directly or through somebody else?  What was his plan that went so terribly wrong?  All questions that he couldn't bear to ask yet another person that was so visibly unable to answer them.
"Can you tell me where he is?"

"Dead," she said simply.

"You saw him die?"

"No, but he was right in front of them.  Didn't look fast enough to outrun them either, and I saw plenty who were die anyway," she turned back to look through him again.  "Who are you anyway?"

"What do you mean?  I'm just looking for a friend."

"Yes, I know.  Everyone else wants to know about those things, though.  Nobody knows what they are, but you just seem," she paused, "so comfortable with the idea of them."

"I suppose I am," Hayes said quietly, "I suppose they're a rather important part of my life and have been for some time."  At this she finally looked him in the eyes.  "They're a part of yours now too, you know.  And far more others than I'd care to know."

"And this Sams?  What does he have to do with it?  I assume he's known about them as long as you have?"

"I don't know," Hayes said honestly.  "Have nothing better to do than look up old mates I suppose.  I get the feeling he's important in all of this, somehow.  Far more so than I am, anyway, as if he's a step ahead and doesn't even know it."

"He's a step ahead into the grave, that's for sure," she said.

"Bullocks!"  Hayes raged.  "You aren't the only one that's lost a friend, or family, or what have you to these things – Nessies, by the way, since I'm on a first name basis.  The things I've seen them do would make the school look like a Sunday stroll."  He moved closer to her and said quietly, "If you're a bloody journalist instead of a pretty face on the telly and you want to actually understand a single thing, pick up a little notepad and write this down:  Paynites.  Underline it twice, and if you decide you'd rather sit here and look out your window then roll it up tightly and shove it up your arse."

He turned brusquely to leave before she grabbed his wrist, "Wait.  Rita.  Woman's name is Rita, she runs a coffee shop in the city, can't remember the name.  I was in the area on an assignment and she set up my meeting with Sams and a girl named Shareese.  Before you ask, maybe you're right about your friend making it but I know the girl didn't."

Hayes breathed deeply and with a look of pity on the woman, told her, "thank you."

"And Mr. Hayes.  I wouldn't be much of a journalist if I needed a note pad to write down one word.  So you may as well take that rolled up slip and shove it up your own arse," she told him with the barest of smiles.  It was the first emotion of any kind he'd seen from her since he arrived and just then it was the prettiest thing in the world.

"Well alright," he told her with an enthusiasm not entirely common in those recently told to place a foreign object in their rear.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Doktor Howl

Day 4

Sams and I had finally gotten some good sleep, taking turns standing guard with the shotgun.  By my watch, we had both slept at least 10 hours total, and we were getting low on food.  We decided to make a break for the surface, and I gave Sams the shotgun to carry...I'd just have to rely on the Bisleys.

At least we had a light source...Or so I thought.  When I went to grab the lantern, my hand passed right through it.

"What the hell?"

Sams just stood there, thinking.  Then he reached out and closed the book, and the room was plunged into darkness.

"Hey!"

The lantern reappeared.  Sams had, it seemed, reopened the book.

"Dok, I think the lantern is an artifact of the book.  It's not real."

"Wait.  This ancient book has a built in reading light?"

"It's not so much that...I could still see by the lantern, but you disappeared."

Okay, this was weird.  I took the book in my left hand, holding it open, and pulled a Bisley with my right.

We left the way I had come, and carefully moved out into the main tunnel.  We decided to postpone any discussion until we had either found food and a hidey hole, or until we got back to the monastery.

It seems that in my previous blundering around in the dark, I had missed several side passages, including one that led sharply upward.  We took that passage, and found ourselves in another pumping station. 

Standing in the pumping station was a squad of Templars, and Payne, recognizable only because he had his helmet off.  He had been speaking to the troops, and looked at me and Sams with surprise.

"Sams, what are you doing here?", he asked.

"I've been lost in the tunnels for days", Sams replied, "I only just yesterday bumped into this guy.  His name is Dok."

"I know who Dok is.  We've been looking for him for days...But you're in the control center.  I talked to you not ten minutes ago."

To be continued.
Molon Lube