More Futuristic Fun Than You Really Wanted, part IV of V

[Adios]

Damn Kahra, just damn.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Damn Kahra, just damn.

Sometimes I surprise even me... 

[Cainad (dec.)]

Sprinkles? Hell no, those two posts were the icing. Awesome.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

The Y, LLC
"We make things better for someone.."

MEMORANDUM - April 7, 2011 – For Immediate Distribution – Standard read and destroy protocol.

TO:      All Staff
   
FROM:      Curly TheMan, CEO

RE:      Glenn Beck


I want to know who dropped the ball?  I mean honestly people, I think I handled the drop in ratings very well.  Was I not understanding?  Do you not all still have gainful employment?

Then, when the ratings dropped a full 30% did I not give you all the means you needed to help Glenn get his act together?  It was prime Columbian product people.  Whose nose did it go up because it certainly didn't go up Glenn's.

Now I have to hear it on the fucking news that Glenn quit?  Which one of you waste of space reps did not stop this?  Do you not understand what Glenn has done for this company?  Do you think all of you will continue having gainful employment with this company with Glenn off the air?  Have you read the names of our stockholders? 

Who else has fed into the American public's paranoia more?  Who else has had thousands of people come to a rally about complete bullshit and carry the crowd?  The books, the signing tours, the radio.  Do you think Rush could do this?  Really people?  And don't even pipe in with Ann.  She has been the greatest disappointment to me since Osama and don't even get me started on him.  Someone might want to remind just how he got that house in the fucking Hamptons he's holed up in, fucking a new virgin every week.  At least he's done enough drugs that he doesn't realize we've been reusing the same hookers for a couple of years now.  Tell him to make a new fucking video and to have it put the fear of TheY into the people or else I'll pay him a personal visit.

I need a solution to this problem immediately or heads are going to fucking roll.  I have a few thoughts on this, my first choice is of course Charlie Sheen, my only concern is how long we can use him before he implodes.  Next thought, Howard Stern, somebody remind that motherfucker how he got where he is and who he truly owes.  The same goes for the Palin bitch and her offspring.  Drop her a little love note from her Uncle Curly. 

I want solutions people and I want them fucking yesterday.

Your benevolent leader,
Curly TheMan
CEO and Founder of The Y, LLC

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

The Y, LLC
"We make things better for someone.."

MEMORANDUM - April 7, 2011 – For Immediate Distribution – Standard read and destroy protocol.

TO:      Accounting - Distribution
   
FROM:  Curly TheMan, CEO

RE:      SOP For GB and his replacement


Begin reposession procedure #5R immediately on both the house in CanCun and the villa in Provence.  Stop all forwarding of royalty checks.  Cancel all issued credit cards.  Cancel all standing hooker appointments.

If there are any complaints, ask Mr. Beck to meet me in the Hampton's this weekend, I will give him 5 minutes to state his case.  Forward me original copy of his soul contract.  Confirm DNA in blood signature this time.  Have backup at Osama's 24 hours beforehand.  Operation accident on hold for my signal.

Have new book to Sheen within the hour.  Put a nice gift from our Columbian friends in the basket.  Standard VIP travel arrangements to meet with Sheen at Palin's 4th secure location Monday.  In note to Sheen tell him "Winning" has been copywrited but we will gladly send him the royalty checks for that as well as for his new book.  Have standard soul contract completed for Sheen to me before I depart. No exit clause.

Send Palin reminder of Monday meeting.  Send her that limited production Gold Edition AK-74 rifle they made to commemorate both Mikhail Kalashnikov's 90th birthday and the 35th year of AK-74 production, that will shut her up.

Send a nice spring bouquet to Christine.  Include some candles, incense and that Silver Ravenwolf crap my niece left at the condo.  On the note just "I'll get you my pretty." no name.

CT

[Triple Zero]

We're the retro-pulp people.  Some of you may have noticed that the future is beginning to look disturbingly like pulp novels and comics from the 1920s.  That's no accident!  Pain rays, killer robots, mind control, torture chambers, drug conspiracies, shadowy bad guys, everything just like you wanted it, faster and more efficient...and more REAL!  Sure, the bad guys aren't mustachioed Chinese freaks or Nazis, but our governments and corporations do a better job, on a lower bid!  Who are we?

Thanks. I'm going to need to remember this, a lot, when I'm going to work for that fringe magazine.

The rest of the piece was amazing as well but I needed to read the above quoted part.

And Khara, WOW, I haven't read the last two yet, but those were FUCKING BRILLIANT, loved them!!