The MAN Laws. A silly listing.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I fail parody, apparently 

When satire meets America, part I.   

That explains how we got the Tea Party.

Well, that and lead in the pipes.

[nostalgicBadger]

On a serious note, I've always thought devising some hackneyed rules for manhood qualifies as one of the least manly things it's possible to do.  All they ever say to me are that guys are coming up with excuses as to why they're so manly, when really the manliest thing would be to just say "I'm a man, therefore whatever I do is something that a man does."

Yes.

[oscilloscopter]

Do these rules apply for the decrepit fella's?

I once saw an old dude with...all his trouser layers round by his ankles at a urinal.

I will never forget those wrinkly cheeks.

I also forgot to do my wiz.

[Eater of Clowns]

Do these rules apply for the decrepit fella's?

I once saw an old dude with...all his trouser layers round by his ankles at a urinal.

I will never forget those wrinkly cheeks.

I also forgot to do my wiz.

That's understandable.  It's usually pretty difficult when you're rocking a hard on.

[oscilloscopter]

Well I didn't want to violate the 'never rock a hard on at the urinal' rule.

Something so obvious it has yet to be stated.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I wish we had squat toilets in the US. That would change a few things I bet.

This is the ONLY way to poop.

[East Coast Hustle]

I thought so too, but I gotta tell you, Trimet takes a really dim view of the practice.

[Luna]

I thought so too, but I gotta tell you, Trimet takes a really dim view of the practice.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I thought so too, but I gotta tell you, Trimet takes a really dim view of the practice.

[Rumckle]

About 30% of the pubs/bars/clubs I've gone to has the trough.

It's even more down here (though pissing when everything is upside down can be tricky). I've never seen any pissing games though.

If the trough is at a higher level, treat exactly as a huge urinal in all respects but bear in mind the spacing requirements.

Also, the later in the night (ie the drunker people are) the lower the standards for spacing, because we don't want to be like women and have to line up to pee.

[Placid Dingo]

About 30% of the pubs/bars/clubs I've gone to has the trough.

It's even more down here (though pissing when everything is upside down can be tricky). I've never seen any pissing games though.

If the trough is at a higher level, treat exactly as a huge urinal in all respects but bear in mind the spacing requirements.

Also, the later in the night (ie the drunker people are) the lower the standards for spacing, because we don't want to be like women and have to line up to pee.

Right about later in the night... Usually you'll want to get out of there before the sink becomes fair game.

[Luna]

See, THIS is why women go to bathrooms in groups.  So we have someone to talk to while we wait in line to pee...  If you guys would WAIT to pee at the trough, you wouldn't be standing (so to speak) cheek to cheek with the next guy, both DESPERATELY trying not to get a glimpse of the other guy's junk.  (Well, yes, I'm aware SOME of you would be glimpsing on purpose, but, MOST...)

[Payne]

FACT: Waiting around in The Facilities to take a piss is actually creepier than accidentally espying another mans bait'n'tackle.

[Lies]

Men must never admit to consuming Parfait, Smoothie, blush wines, wines coolers, fruited beer, quiche, salad, wrapped sandwiches, or brunch.  Any man who needs consume these in cases of extremis must refer to them as "cereal", "Shake", "Booze", "punch", "Beer", "pie", "garnish", "sammich" or "chow", and silently cry in shame in the dark later.  Violations of this only accrue thee shame.

At least one urinal must be maintained between men urinating at all times.  If no nonadjacent urinal is free, use a stall.  Rest stops and cases of extremis are partial exceptions, but any violation accrues the violator some shame or douchebaggery.

Men are not to converse at the urinal.  They must stand under a vow of silence, and only break this once they are done.  Do not address another silent man at the urinal.  Violations of this add to the vioaltor's douchebaggery.

Conversation between toilet stalls is double douchebaggery.

Men are not to allow anyone to bump them in a crowd, pass them while driving, cut them in line, or opperate a vehicle poorly or slowly in their presence without admonishing them "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE".  Failure to do so will surely bring shame.

Men are not to order a vegetarian or chicken dish at a restaurant when a less-manly cohort is ordring a more manly meal of steak or pork, lest shame be accrued.  Choose wisely.

This must be an american thing. Over here in Australia, it's pretty much the norm to strike up a bit of small talk particularly when you're in a bar/place where everyone is drunk, it's almost as if you don't say anything it is a bit awkward. My theory is, it's a way to make some eye contact so you know EXACTLY where the other guys eyes are at all times.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I thought so too, but I gotta tell you, Trimet takes a really dim view of the practice.