The true meaning of easter.

[Lies]

Easter: a holy time where we commemorate and remember that Jesus died for our sins by leaving chocolate eggs around and telling children to venerate fertility symbols that left the chocolate hidden around for them.
The miraculous thing about all of this REALLY is that people never question what chocolate bunnies have to do with Jesus, but why should we cus HEY FREE CHOCOLATE! RIGHT?

You know, now that I have meditated on this a bit more, easter's actually thinly veiled celebration of pedophilia. Think about it- Rabbits/eggs are fertility symbols, of course, and the prime audience of easter is really for the children who go around hunting for fertility symbols... and to lure the children in, they're promised free candy from a mysterious stranger who just wants to share his "eggs" with the children.

Some might think this a bit sick and twisted, and yes, it is. That's exactly what easter is.
See, some people might tell you, easter doesn't make any sense, easter bunnies and chocolate and Jesus have nothing to do with each other, but I tell ye, YOU ARE WRONG, it's actually a logical extension of the pedophilia network the Vatican established to subtly and subconsciously brainwash the masses into having more leniency to forgive priests who molest children, AND EVERYONE HAS JUST TURNED A BLIND EYE TO THIS CONSPIRACY, AND THIS IS WHY SOCIETY IS FUCKED AND WHY EASTER MAKES COMPLETE SENSE AND IS NOTHING BUT PURE EVIL TO THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND IT'S METAPHORICAL SIGNIFICANCE.

Now you know the truth. Now go forth, and spread the TERRIBLE TRUTH™ OF EASTER!

You're welcome.