Author Topic: The Art of Communication, part 2: Prophecy, and Why They Can't Listen.  (Read 8496 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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The problem with prophets is that they tell you all the bad shit that’s coming down the pike, but they never say when1.  John of Patmos, for example, wasn’t terribly keen on dates, nor was Daniel.

Not so with us.  We are the best of the One True Religions, and when WE spout prophecy, we do it RIGHT.  At the very least, we’ll give you a range of time that an event will occur in.  Accuracy is 169% guaranteed, or your money back2.

We also spew our lunacy in appropriate venues...This, unfortunately, means that many prophecies don’t get recorded.  How many people are willing to take notes when there’s a 220 pound, bald-headed freak rolling around, out of his skull on pills and bourbon?  No, that is when everyone else is crowding to the other side of the bus, shielding themselves with their children and the odd senior citizen.  Sanity, at least their version of it, is in the back seat, and weirdness is driving, screaming insults at other cars and flipping people off.

America™ is no longer prepared for that sort of thing.  The line has declined, it seems, and nobody is serious about having a good time, anymore.  They’ve traded in their Saturday night for “values” and “safety” and “the abolition of Scary Brown Folks” and “no more of those people walking3”.

Thinking about it, this isn’t a bad thing for Discordians, at least MY kind of Discordians.  The rubes can’t even SEE us, because we don’t fit into their false dichotomy.  If they were able to see us at all, they’d classify us as terrorists, which makes a certain kind of twisted sense.  We ARE scary to a certain class of people.  We don’t believe what they believe.  We don’t care about things they think are vital.  We are insufficiently patriotic (For a given value of patriotism.).

They can handle the “other side”, even if they hate them.  Conservatives and liberals have a set of definitions for each other, a classification system that they can use to render any conversation safe with, with no unpleasant “thinking” involved.

All of this, of course, means they need prophets now more than ever.  They need US, braying laughter in their faces, shitting on their beliefs™, and leading by example.  If there’s anything Western civilization needs right now, it’s to have its paradigms shattered, preferably with hurled cans o’ holiness.

This won’t make them feel any better, but it is not the business of Holy Men™ to speak pleasing lies to the masses.  No, it’s our job to show them that Western civilization is now juggling chainsaws, as Terry Pratchett put it, and the important thing to remember while doing that is, when you finally fuck up the first chainsaw, your problems are just beginning.  More will be along shortly.

We can’t STOP the chainsaws, but at least we can show people that the chainsaws are there, and that maybe they should step sideways really fast.  At the very least, we can have a good laugh at their expense, so that they might learn.

Now, The Good Reverend knows they won’t listen.  They can’t.  This, however, should in no way detract from the cheap yuks we get (quite the contrary, in fact), and there’s no moral quandary in growing strong on what they leave behind...By which I mean, if WE think, and they DON’T, then we have a natural advantage which is not to be squandered.  It means they can’t see us, because they have no definition for us, and THAT means we can have no end of fun at their expense.  When they complain, we can point out that we TOLD them what was going to happen, but they didn’t listen.

This is our time, our century.  It’s time for a little prophecizing.

Or Kill Me.

1  This is commonly referred to as “the gross prophet margin”.

2  If it looks like one of our prophecies failed to pan out, it’s because the viewer is a filthy heathen, and cannot comprehend the glory that we reflect.  No refund is required in this case.

3  We agree with them on that last one.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.


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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

President Television

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My shit list: Stephen Harper, anarchists that complain about taxes instead of institutionalized torture, those people walking, anyone who lets a single aspect of themselves define their entire personality, salesmen that don't smoke pipes, Fredericton New Brunswick, bigots, philosophy majors, my nemesis, pirates that don't do anything, criminals without class, sociopaths, narcissists, furries, juggalos, foes.