RIP LUNA

[Richter]

"Holy shit."
-Suu, on scene interview

"Why didn't I stop it?  You weren't THERE.  I COULDN'T.  It was like time lapse photography of a corpse decaying, or piranhas eating a deer.  What was I going to do?  Throw kids off of her?  Hit them?  I couldn't.  I tried the fire extinguisher, but it only made it WORSE!  Maybe if I'd keeranged one or two, but damnit, I'm just not crazy enough to hit a kid.  Oh Fuck...::broken sobs::" 
-Richter, police interview on scene.

"We assure you the District Attorney is taking this case VERY seriously. Beyond our duties to citizens, we deplore these tragic event as human beings, and extend our condolences to the family and friends of the deceased."
-Groton D.A. Official Announcement

"Frank, get the scotch over here please?  We'll need it."
-Groton D.A., meeting with his staff

"Look, I can't tell you what I **** saw.  I can tell you what was  ******* left.  No body.  A mark on the floor,  that's all.  Smeared blood with the prints of 'Keds' and 'Reeboks' in various children's sizes.  There were the stains on the kids mouths too, on the ones who didn't bolt.  **** me, this one kid is just there, grinning like a loon with the milk moustache thing going, only it was the evidence, not milk.   And asks me for a sticker!  We carry stickers for the kids, see?  Build good will and all.  Holy ****, I'll never touch milk again, and I want to yark every time a see a commercial for it.  So I give him one, and the 'lil bastard slaps it on his  **** forehead over some splattered evidence.  ******ing demonic."   
-Officer Frank Thomspon, Groton PD.

"Man, I've seen some fucked shit before, but damn.  Poor fuckin' Luna.  Least it went, quick for what it was.  It just hasn't sunk in I suppose, horrible, I'm just feeling so numb."
-Dimo, interview on scene

"All I'm saying is we don't stand to gain anything with either verdict.  Even WITH the security video, there's still habeas corpus.  I've HEARD where the body went.  What are we going to do, pump stomachs and sift feces for it?  Suppose we get one too, what then?  Convict two dozen children under age ten of murder?  Which one took the fatal bite?  Manslaughter?  Great, we've just put the kids of hundreds of citizens into the system for a single bizarre incident that may never occur again.  The cost to the system would never be worth the time and legal wrangling that would occur.   I cannot recommend taking this to trial.  A guilty plea, counseling, and keep them all shipped to different school districts until they clear 6th grade, that's what I'd recommend.  Tell the parents they cooperate of we do everything we get nasty with child welfare and labeling their child a lunatic.  I'll have words with the state bar about what will happen to anyone representing them in a bleeding heart mob mentality pitch.  Pass that scotch."
-Honorable Judge David Wopner, private meeting with District Attorney

"This only proves the premise of my first thesis.  These massive media commercial products  (MMCP's) should be controlled and not marketed to anyone under legal age of consent.  Never mind people being able to assume legally assume responsibility for themselves, they simply produce too much devotion and excitement in individuals who clearly have insufficient grasp of morals and ethics.  Columbine, Virginia Tech, and now Sarge's Comics, there's one common, hidden factor to them all.  Pokemon."
-Dr. Theresa Adams, PsyD., CNN interview

"Why the fuck are these Mudkips doing on my gaming shelf?"
-Luna, Sarge's Comics, seconds before the "incident"

"COOOOOMMMMMMMMMUUUUUNIOOOOON!"
-Collected juvenile Pokemon fans.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is full of win.

And greasy stains, of course.

[LMNO]

That was excellently constructed.

[Adios]

Luna would have wanted it to end this way.

[Luna]

I always knew the little bastards would be the death of me. 

Luna would have wanted it to end this way.

Point of order.  If I'm gonna be eaten to death, I have at least one better idea...

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

 

jesus, I had to read it a couple of times.  Just damn. 

[Adios]

I always knew the little bastards would be the death of me. 

Luna would have wanted it to end this way.

Point of order.  If I'm gonna be eaten to death, I have at least one better idea...

[Luna]

All kinds of win, Richter.   

[Richter]

Re-read World War Z the other weekend, definitely a lot of that in this.