Principia Discordia > Literate Chaotic

ITT, You ask TGRR anything about history, and get the REAL TRUTH™

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Luna:
What REALLY happened to the Titanic? 

The Good Reverend Roger:

--- Quote from: Thurnez Isa on May 10, 2011, 06:02:30 pm ---What were the causes of the decline of the Roman Empire?

--- End quote ---

Well, you'll hear all sorts of reasons ranging from "lead in the plumbing" to "The Roman Empire was a big hollow shell that cracked like an egg when the Huns, Visigoths, etc, showed up", to "complexity that couldn't be handled with then-current technology, even via an aristocracy", but that's all hogwash.

Likewise, you'll hear from the religious tards that "moral degeneration" (read: homosexuality) led to their downfall, but if that were the case, they'd never have gotten started in the first place.

No, the real reason the Roman Empire declined was that the bloody Christians took all the FUN out of it.  Why BOTHER with an empire, if you can't have kickass Gods like Mithra and Venus?  Fuck that, you're working your ass off for nothing.  So they convinced some schmuck barbarians to take over, then they fucking quit and started up the Mafia, where they could go back to having a good time.

This is why Italy hasn't won a war since.  Think about it...All that work, and what do you get for it?  Piss on that, sit back and drink some Grappa, while the Americans and Germans kick the snot out of each other.  The Italians are still relaxed today, and we're busy dying of stress-related heart attacks.

The Good Reverend Roger:

--- Quote from: Sigmatic on May 10, 2011, 06:03:15 pm ---Why did Henry 8 REALLY need to keep remarrying?

--- End quote ---

He didn't.  This was really the biggest mistake of his reign.  I mean, you're the KING, right?  YOU make the rules.  So you just bang hotties until one pumps out a son.  When someone complains, you cut THEIR head off, instead of the hottie's.  Less pissy barons, more smokin' hot babes.

Problem is, Henry had one FUCK of a case of shingles1, and was unable to exert the necessary force of character to make that happen.


1  I've heard it was venereal disease of some kind, which isn't possible, due to the fact that he used Cardinal Wolsey as a condom, and Scurvy is right out, because Henry wasn't a sailor.  Where DO "historians" get this garbage?

The Good Reverend Roger:

--- Quote from: R.W.H.N. on May 10, 2011, 06:04:58 pm ---What really caused the sinking of the USS Maine? 

--- End quote ---

Fidel Castro, obviously.  He's had it out for us since the 1950s.

The Good Reverend Roger:

--- Quote from: Cainad on May 10, 2011, 06:05:56 pm ---Semi-historical: What sociopolitical factors led to the current state of the History Channel? Nostradamus, UFOs, etc.

--- End quote ---

Market forces.  Do you REALLY imagine that the average American wants to know the history of the Hoover Dam, or the myriad factors that led the world into The Great War?

Or do you suppose that maybe they want to be told that the world operates upon mystic principles that they can control or foresee by watching some tard interpret the drunken ravings of Nostradumbass?

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