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A NERDY GENIE APPEARS

Started by Cramulus, June 01, 2011, 02:49:54 AM

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Cramulus

LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE PUKES
I'm Gary Fucking Gygax,
the Father of RPGs.


Today, the
DUNGEON MASTER
is kind.

I hereby grant you one 1st level
Dungeons and Dragons spell
- from any edition
- once per day.






Which one would you take?


1st edition spell list: http://www.mjyoung.net/dungeon/char/step018.html
2nd edition spell list: http://www.wizardmark.com/spellinv/spells.asp   (Protip: select level 1, & TSR only, hit search)
3rd edition spell list: http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/lists/spells&tablesort=5 (this one works too)
4th edition spell list: http://piratepad.net/ep/pad/view/ro.F4ATnyO$apR/rev.28 excuse the shitty cut & paste

(please point out if there are better lists out there)

President Television

My shit list: Stephen Harper, anarchists that complain about taxes instead of institutionalized torture, those people walking, anyone who lets a single aspect of themselves define their entire personality, salesmen that don't smoke pipes, Fredericton New Brunswick, bigots, philosophy majors, my nemesis, pirates that don't do anything, criminals without class, sociopaths, narcissists, furries, juggalos, foes.

Luna

Decisions, decisions.

"Audible Glamer," the ULTIMATE whoopie cushion...

"Disarm" would be entertaining for fencing tournaments, but just once per day?

"Find Familiar" would be cool, but if it's the ONLY spell, evar...  No...

"Laeral's Dancing Whip" would certainly get me invited to the wrong sorts of parties...

"Summon Fetish Spirit."  I do not think that means what I think it means.

"Feather Fall."  There's a winner.  Even if I don't NEED it, the practical joke applications are endless.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cain

Blatantly Charm Person.

In anything but the most hack and slash of campaigns, the ability to make people see your every action and word in the most favourable light should be at least a level 5 spell.

The fact that people in D&D settings apparently still trust wizards, for the most part, despite this being one of the easiest spells to cast, is probably a testament to the stupidity of those settings inhabitants (and the writers).

The Good Reverend Roger

TGRR'S EXPLODING HEAD OF RAGE.

Sure, it kills the caster, but it's gonna look GREAT in the movie!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jasper

Charm person.  Oh hell. 

But then there's also find familiar, which...

No.  Charm person.

The Good Reverend Roger

I'm gonna settle on shocking grasp, just to FUCK ELECTRONICS UP.

And people, of course.  Loads and loads of people with my hand print scorched into their faces.

I get what Cain is saying, but I'm out to influence people without making friends.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cain

They'd only be my friend up to the point I convinced them to jump in front of an arrow for me.  Which is a reasonable request, as my quest is far more important than they are.

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Freeky

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on June 01, 2011, 05:32:36 AM
FEATHER FALL


WHEEEEEEE

"I'm gonna do it, man!"
"Please, Mr. Clowns, don't jump!"
"I'm doing it!  GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!"
-jump-

At the bottom...

"LOL J/K"

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: Cain on June 01, 2011, 05:27:46 AM
They'd only be my friend up to the point I convinced them to jump in front of an arrow for me.  Which is a reasonable request, as my quest is far more important than they are.

I don't think I'd ever have the Charisma to pull that off. Asking a victim of charm to do something obviously suicidal usually breaks the spell.


I'll have to flip a coin to choose between disguise self and comprehend languages...

Cain

"Detect Alignment" allows you to pick Lawful Good dupes.  Then you just have to talk about your noble quest and its importance, and wait for someone with the weapons to appear.  They'll do the rest.

Freeky

Stone Fist.


There's nothing quite like having your pimp slap do lethal damage.

President Television

Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on June 01, 2011, 06:12:50 AM
Stone Fist.


There's nothing quite like having your pimp slap do lethal damage.

You could get the same result and much more versatility with Summon Monster I, assuming Steven Seagal or any of the actors from Troll 2 are summonable.
My shit list: Stephen Harper, anarchists that complain about taxes instead of institutionalized torture, those people walking, anyone who lets a single aspect of themselves define their entire personality, salesmen that don't smoke pipes, Fredericton New Brunswick, bigots, philosophy majors, my nemesis, pirates that don't do anything, criminals without class, sociopaths, narcissists, furries, juggalos, foes.

Freeky

Quote from: Unqualified on June 01, 2011, 06:16:52 AM
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on June 01, 2011, 06:12:50 AM
Stone Fist.


There's nothing quite like having your pimp slap do lethal damage.

You could get the same result and much more versatility with Summon Monster I, assuming Steven Seagal or any of the actors from Troll 2 are summonable.

Why Summon others to do what I will derive more satisfaction from to do myself?