ITT: Name Your Personal Demons

[President Television]

Antithropos- "Fuck 'em. They're only human. Let them rot."

Hypothropos- Cousin and nemesis of Antithropos. "And what are you? Subhuman scum, that's what you are. You're lucky they keep you around as a pet. These apes are gods compared to you. Now, serve them."

Blugutan- The monkey at the switchboard that controls my personality traits. Is especially fond of switching off the fucking everything and going into Safe Mode while I'm at work, ensuring that my coworkers will forever see me as that sketchy stoner kid that avoids eye contact and mutters to himself, despite the fact that I have only ever touched drugs once and actually want to be on good terms with said coworkers. I plan to exorcise him soon and find a borderline competent replacement. "OOK OOK"

Charagars- The fucker torments me too.

Uncertaur- Rips away all confidence in my own sanity and convinces me that everything I believe is delusional. Critical thought is good, but this one takes it too far and turns it into a crippling affliction. "Nothing horrible ever happened to you. You're making it all up, you self-indulgent piece of shit. There's no excuse for you. Everything you believe is nothing but Lo5."

[Freeky]

oMNOMNOMNIBUS: A demon that tells me to eat everything in sight.

[Cramulus]

THE BEANOTAUR - Half man, half beast. He wanders through the labyrinth of my mind, searching for coffee. Each day, I battle him to the death. If he is not slain, I will drink like six cups of coffee. At dawn, he rises again.

[navkat]

Surplussus The being in my head that seems to deliberately over-estimate how much time, money or other resources I have at my disposal and dominates my own good sense by using confusion and repetition tactics to push the erroneous data.

Neotocin Lives in my crotch. Causes a sudden flood of dopamine and all kinds of delightful hormones any time I meet a new attractive human being, thereby, effectively de-calibrating and voiding the warranty on any newly-installed bullshit detector.

Homodubious Directly responsible for the disbelief (in spite of being burned over and over) in the existence of ill-will of other human beings. Can often be heard whispering "This must be a mistake!" And "I'm sure if they knew how it made you feeeel, they'd stop."

Scrambles Demon who ate my self-editing and self-censorship software ages ago. "That might be what you meant, but this is what you said" can often be heard around this guy. Allows me front-of-queue priveleges with poorly-planned, poorly-worded protests and rebuttals.

Chiroptera Fecalis Intellectuo Flits from person to person, I'm not the only one possessed by this nasty fucker...as a matter of fact, there my just be a horde of these little shits. Nests upside-down in the reasoning centers of the brain and hibernates. Periodically awakened by outside stimulus or ingestion of alcohol at which point he awakens, turns a fun shade of glowing purple flys around erratically--sometimes for hours and throws clockwork wind-up toys around the room.

These are just a few of my favourites.

[Luna]

Testicumalus:  "They're evil, every last one of them. It's that defective Y chromosome, they're MISSING parts, important ones. They're missing the ability to function like adults, to have real relationships. Stay away from them."

Hystemalis:  "They're crazy, every last one of them.  It's that funky extra bit on the XX chromosome.  It floods their brains with extra hormones and makes them unstable.  Yes, all of them. Even you. Stay away from them."

[navkat]

Kharmeopath The little shit-for-brains that sits in the passenger seat when I'm alone in my car or perches on the side if the tub when I'm showering and rattles on in a constant state of outrage, insult, righteousness and/or disbelief at the fucked up things people do to each other (or me) and actually get away with. Spends entirely too much time thinking about poetic justice, "come uppance" and can often be heard shrieking mournful "birdcalls" of "itsnotFAIR" and "thetruthwillcomeOUUUT!" Can often be heard bickering with Rationaleus.

Rationaleus Tiny in stature but dense, heavy and stubborn creature that sits in the corner and never stops asking questions or reading shit out of books, proposing endless suppositions to answer those questions, even when the answers seem obvious. Frequently seen chasing his eyeballs down the street after his head has gone explodey because some well-meaning human has uttered the magic words "Because that's just the way it is."

[Mistre]

Paranoius:Harbinger of lies and distrust."See that group laughing over there?Well, mate, they are laughing at you!In fact, almost definitely they are talking about you at your back, with your closest friends.Chatting about your biggest mistakes and shames."

Angerriam:My own little demon sociopath, usually appears with Quiterium, and sometimes after several visits of Paranoius."The day you snap will be the only day they will finally respect you, just fucking do it!Let's kill them all!".From time to time it shows me amusing visions of killing sprees that I could have comitted.

Quiterium:This one is a different kind of sociopath, focusing his efforts in trying to kill me,"You know what would show them?You, killing yourself because of them! In fact, you could write on your suicide note that you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for them.Yeah!Actually,you could get revenge from everyone that might have hurt you.It is just a jump away...".This one shows me visions too,but usually of my own dead body after I kill myself,or even visons of me performing the act in impossible manners, like ripping my heart out of my body with my bare hands.

First post here in PD.

[Jasper]

Welcome!  You will enjoy it here and maybe not become a mad, twisted misanthrope.

...I still have problems with Woohaha.

[minuspace]

Hyarperia - the feminine spirit of Teutonic control obsessed pests that befoul the resoluteness of my intention by getting in the way, generally.

Doranimus - a bald cat with a detachable skull that sits beside me between moments of clarity as we perch atop our particular columns.  Just that he's greedy and tries to steal my place by pretending that I would not notice if he had switched us.  Sometimes just thinking about it makes me think he has.

Lethargicus - eats my posts by developing technical difficulties on the board just when I'm ready to submit the best idea I had in months...

[Murmur]

This is wonderful! 

[Freeky]

Stabinnafaceus - Makes one relive embarrassing things one has done (the more recent and painfully stupid one feels when remembering, the better).  Must avoid sharp or pointy objects such as but not limited to (and rather at the lesser end of desirability) table knives or pencils when this fucker is around.  Can often be heard whispering "What the hell were you even doing?  You should probably mutilate your face to start with so people know what a dumbshit you are."  Often has motor skill control, causing a grasping fist to pass over the face, just in case there's a sharp or pointy thing in hand.  Sometimes causes compulsion to go grab sharp or pointy things if there is a distinct lack of face-pain. 


Could be a facet of Tucson, though, because that's pretty vicious for just a personal demon.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Toseriusez : This is the smug mother-fucker that whispers in your ear, telling you that everything has to be taken super seriously or the world will end. Most often this applies to workplace drama or relationship melodrama. Even when all you do for a living is make sandwiches and you've been in a happy, stable relationship for years.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Orgonominus responds to every situation with "hey, dude, I think she likes you." His brother, Thanotominus, responds to every situation with "she thinks you're a fucking creep." Usually either neither of them are correct or they both are.

Entiladumut sits on your shoulder and sings "It's my party and I can cry if I want to," softly and calmly so you almost believe it. The moment you do, you look like an asshole. He gorges himself on dirty looks.

Procrastinus convinces you that you have plenty of time, feeding on the panic he causes when you realize you have too little time.

Oligar the Conqueror is a barbarous and vampiric imp whose mandibles are attached to your hate glands. He tells you that your indignation is righteous, and swells with your adrenaline.

[minuspace]

Procrastinus seduces Lethargicus.  Their affair unleashes the jealous rage of Unpaqua, he curses their progeny backwards in time.  Their spawn turns out to be an incursive version of Saturn, cannibalizing his (sideways) parents Gaia and Eros.  In order to avoid Chaos, this results in the immediate unfolding and relocation of Unpaqua's contents, however...

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Procrastinus seduces Lethargicus.

I hate it when my personal demons get more action than I do.