An Omnibus of Exciting Tales

[PresidentLincPwln]

I AM AN AUTHOR!!! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY PEN!!!

Harvey the Human
There once was a human named Harvey the Human. Harvey the Human lived in a very human house filled with T-Shirts and Oil Based Paints.

One day Harvey the Human woke up to find he had a problem. Harvey the Human was having trouble doing a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something.

Harvey the Human decided to visit his friend Conny the Cockatoo who lived in A Corn Field.

"Conny the Cockatoo?" said Harvey the Human
"Do you know how I can do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something?"
"No" said Conny.
"Maybe we should ask Nelly the Negro?"

Conny the Cokatoo and Harvey the Human went to Nelly the Negro's house to ask him if he could help.
"Nelly the Negro?" said Harvey the Human.
"Do you know how I can do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something?" asked Harvey the Human.
"Pimp my ho pop a cap in a copper" replied Nelly the Negro.
"Of course" said Harvey the Human
"All I need to do is pimp my ho pop a cap in a copper and I'll be able to do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something" replied Harvey the Human.

And They Lived Happily Ever After


President LincPwln: The Generic Fanfic
President Lincoln ran into the confederate camp while solving a rubiks cube then leapt onto a guard, tore out his eyes and threw them at a medics tent, creating a smoldering crater and killing everyone inside.

"Now I will kill you, because you keep slaves and keeping slave is bad!" he yelled. Then he pulled a machine gun out but he was too badarse to shoot things so he clubbed President Davis to death with it, tore his liver out and deflected an artillery shell with the still pulsating organ so hard it travelled through time and killed Hitler.

"President LincPwln, so we meet again"

King George III came up to Lincoln in his giant mecha.

"Hey, George, I think you lost something."

"Er, what"

"The Revolutionary War"

Then Lincoln took his hat off and threw it at the massive mecha, slicing it in half, leapt on a piece of shrapnel that came out of the ensuing explosion and rode it to safety.

Resident Evil 4: The Generic Fanfic

"Back foul beast"
Leon let out a cry and charged the horde of undead creatures, impaling them with his American flag.

He leapt onto a zombie bear while throwing a grenade behind him, splattering bodies into a gigantic wall of death before pulling out a shotgun and blasting the head off of the beast, pulling his entrails out of it's throat hole and riding them down the mound of corpes before backflipping off, pulling out his unbelievably sharp samurai sword and slicing straight through a skyscraper, killing the horde of undead abomonations that dwelt within.

"Well, I bet they wish they had homeowners insurance now" Leon wittily quiped before walking away into the sunset.

Resident Evil 4: The Generic Fanfic: The Poem

Running into batle
flag above his head
mighty Leon stabbed an army
of gouls and the undead.

Standing high on bloodied corpse
he leapt straight through the air
he fell right down, upon the earth
and on a zombie bear.

He pulled a gun and brought it down
upon the rotted head
a cry was heard, and from the neck
the bear forever bled.

Upon his guts, brave Leon sped
as all around, the undead fled
he pulled a sword, and killed them all
then witty joke he said.

He moved out to the sunset
and scabbarded his sword
as all around behind him
lay the goulish horde.

I'd like to apologise for any poor layouts or errors that may have slipped into this post. This library computer's playing up big time.

[Salty]

I AM AN AUTHOR!!! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY PEN!!!

Harvey the Human
There once was a human named Harvey the Human. Harvey the Human lived in a very human house filled with T-Shirts and Oil Based Paints.

One day Harvey the Human woke up to find he had a problem. Harvey the Human was having trouble doing a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something.

Harvey the Human decided to visit his friend Conny the Cockatoo who lived in A Corn Field.

"Conny the Cockatoo?" said Harvey the Human
"Do you know how I can do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something?"
"No" said Conny.
"Maybe we should ask Nelly the Negro?"

That's where I lost interest.

[PresidentLincPwln]

I AM AN AUTHOR!!! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY PEN!!!

Harvey the Human
There once was a human named Harvey the Human. Harvey the Human lived in a very human house filled with T-Shirts and Oil Based Paints.

One day Harvey the Human woke up to find he had a problem. Harvey the Human was having trouble doing a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something.

Harvey the Human decided to visit his friend Conny the Cockatoo who lived in A Corn Field.

"Conny the Cockatoo?" said Harvey the Human
"Do you know how I can do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something?"
"No" said Conny.
"Maybe we should ask Nelly the Negro?"

Conny the Cokatoo and Harvey the Human went to Nelly the Negro's house to ask him if he could help.
"Nelly the Negro?" said Harvey the Human.
"Do you know how I can do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something?" asked Harvey the Human.
"Pimp my ho pop a cap in a copper" replied Nelly the Negro.
"Of course" said Harvey the Human
"All I need to do is pimp my ho pop a cap in a copper and I'll be able to do a stereotypical human thing like, I dunno, watching T.V or ordering pizza or something" replied Harvey the Human.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

That's where I lost interest.

The greatest compliment this paticular banality could hope to ever recieve. Thank you.

[Salty]

 

[PresidentLincPwln]

Can't actually tell if sarcasm. Not so good with forum based subtleties. Need people to talk slowly to me.

[Salty]

 


ETA: Best. Emote. Ever.

[PresidentLincPwln]

Profound reply.

Makes you think. Then makes you want to lie down and take some panadol.

[Freeky]

This.  Those were awful, and by awful I mean they make Dolgotha seem readable, and I have decided that this guy is not going to be worth reading ever.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I would rather read about sparkly vampires and half naked werewolves that this......

[Freeky]

The My Little Pony lesbian slash was better than this, and that was

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Hell AKK's lyrics are better than this....

[Freeky]

But it isn't that this is particularly awful in a spectacular way, it's just completely unreadable and dumb.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

But it isn't that this is particularly awful in a spectacular way, it's just completely unreadable and dumb.

True, I was giving a bit too much credit for FAIL huh? 

[AFK]

I AM AN AUTHOR!!!

This is where I lost interest.

[Freeky]

But it isn't that this is particularly awful in a spectacular way, it's just completely unreadable and dumb.

True, I was giving a bit too much credit for FAIL huh? 

I think the reason those things we mentioned are preferrable to read is because they are so spectacularly awful that they come back to horrormirthy.