Sober up!

[Benjalypse]

Wowzer, so you do know me?  

I'm sort of by Sactown.  I haven't been at this forum for years and years.  I was banned for at least five I think.  Yes it is I, who was known as the legendarious, notary Benocalypse, high saint of schizophoria, redemption through alcohol, drag princing, and the dark horse of pestylence.  I was also one of the only folkers to actually warrant the merit of getting banned from these here Discordian forums, by you guys' pope, the Rad Revered Roger himself.  Is that old spagfester still around?  Oh, I'll forgive him, for he knows not what he does.  I guess I was just too discordant for you guys.  So while I was barred from the black iron prison, I just chilled back and contemplated the greater order of the universe.  Not without chaos and wonder has been my life though.  Last year I finally came close to falling in love, then finally woke up, realizing that the relationship seemed pretty much destined to be, well, Discordian.  Fortunately, I was saved in the twinkle of time from the near-fatalistic attraction when I was suddenly abducted by the Sufis.  Well, I chose to become sufi, I guess.  The sufis believe in getting married before sex.  The guy said to me, "The devil doesn't want you to get married."  Then he gave me a 'Lord of the Rings' puzzle.  

I'm an artist, and I felt I should finally sell my artwork around town.  One of the places I was meaning to show it off and try and sell it was at a neat little shop of horrors called "Life Puzzles", located at 203 E. Main Street.  It's a 3D puzzle gallery that also displayed some local artists.  So, the shopkeeper was going out of business in just two weeks, but he let me display my art freely.  We've become pretty good friends over time.  He was amazed by my art at first sight, mostly because one of my art pics was an artistic representation of the 'caduceus', the winged staff of Hermes, which is a staff made up of two snakes and two wings.  He had just got done carving two similar puzzles for a customer.  One was of a bunch of snakes and lizards pieced together-- of reptiles.  The other one was of a bunch of different birds pieced together.  And he said that while he was carving the reptiles, a lizard showed up on his upstairs balcony.  Then while he was carving the birds, a bird flew into his shop.  Strange days that.  The customer supposed it was the spirit of her dead lover.  And so Bryan, the shopkeeper, introduced me to Sufi mysticism.  I could definitely feel the higher spiritual infusion of the "zikr", chanting praise to Allah, and one day even signed up for "baya'" which is like a Sufi form of baptism.  I went way out there and felt like I was being knighted.  The old man said to me at the end of the baya', "Your name is Omar."  So now I was a Sufi, and all I had to do was follow the five pillars of Islam: belief in monotheism and that Muhammad is God's messenger, pray five times a day, fast the 40 days of Ramadan every year, give to charity, and make the journey to Mecca.  Soon after I made the shahada (confession of Islam), Bryan made the paper as a famous Sufi puzzle maker in town.  It said, "He looks like an ordinary guy, but he's actually a Sufi."  Boy, what have I gotten wound up in?  Am I gay?  Why is 'The Full Monty' suddenly playing at the town theatre?  

Later on, however, I saw a couple of articles in the paper about the Baha'is.  Baha'i is similar to Islam, but also quite unique.  The fast is just a couple weeks a year in the spring, and they pray several times a day at any time, fairly freely.  That I could see myself living with more loyally, though I still keep with the Sufi ways in some ways, which are very powerful incantations for recommunion with God.  And the Baha'i wisdoms made good sense to me as something impeccable.  It's one of the first mysticisms I've encountered that wasn't real terribly baffling to my ordinary rational human mind-- really seemed to peace things together for me like it made good sense of everything, and felt exciting and intrigueing to discover more.  There's oceans of Baha'i literature.  They don't do drugs or sleep around, but they do party well enough.  And so I became a Baha'i illuminati, working for the new world order.  Unfortunately, Baha'is are still persecuted in this world by some who call themselves Muslims, but the Sufis don't seem too negative about Baha'i.  They understand it to be a religion of peace.  

Well, that's my little mystery of intrigueingness unraveled anew so far.  But don't u suns o' botches worry.  I'm not here to stay.  No, I don't have time to hate nor care here.  With all due respect, PD.com is not my qiblih of choice no more, no ma'am.  I was mostly just retarded to waste all that time out here in my twenties, and it was a foibling drunken glitch to show back up here in the first place.  It is a crime to waste time, and it's against both my religions to keep drinking.  Make that all three.  It really isn't healthy for the liver.  Maybe just a glass now and then.   But maybe I'll come back someday just to show off my puzzling artwork to all you wonderful wigs.  Bryan took me on as an apprentice puzzle maker, so I'll have a little product stocked up after some time later.  

Later gators,  
Benjalypse ''Omar''
 

[Doktor Howl]

Ben's back again.   

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Paragraphs.....

Try them....


Ah Benaclypse.....  the only thing I ever remember him saying was "Life is a sewer, learn to swim" which is one of my favorite memes. 

Otherwise    I'm MEH.

[Doktor Howl]

Paragraphs.....

Try them....


Ah Benaclypse.....  the only thing I ever remember him saying was "Life is a sewer, learn to swim" which is one of my favorite memes. 

Otherwise    I'm MEH.

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

[Benjalypse]

Paragraphs.....

Try them....


Ah Benaclypse.....  the only thing I ever remember him saying was "Life is a sewer, learn to swim" which is one of my favorite memes. 

Otherwise    I'm MEH.

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

Who are you?

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Paragraphs.....

Try them....


Ah Benaclypse.....  the only thing I ever remember him saying was "Life is a sewer, learn to swim" which is one of my favorite memes. 

Otherwise    I'm MEH.

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

Who are you?

Who me?  Same name I've always used. 

[Doktor Howl]

Paragraphs.....

Try them....


Ah Benaclypse.....  the only thing I ever remember him saying was "Life is a sewer, learn to swim" which is one of my favorite memes. 

Otherwise    I'm MEH.

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

Who are you?

Just a humble country Doktor.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh good, paragraphs of outlandishness.

[Freckleback]

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

same guy or am confusing similar names?

http://www.erisbarandgrill.org/forum/showthread.php?tid=9294

[Doktor Howl]

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

same guy or am confusing similar names?

http://www.erisbarandgrill.org/forum/showthread.php?tid=9294

Wait.  Who?

[Freckleback]

Ben's okay until he decides to fixate on someone.

same guy or am confusing similar names?

http://www.erisbarandgrill.org/forum/showthread.php?tid=9294

Wait.  Who?

billy bob/benaclypse

starts on page 2

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Is that the one where he calls verthaine the n word? Cant click links on the phone.

[Freckleback]

Is that the one where he calls verthaine the n word? Cant click links on the phone.

indeed

[Benjalypse]

Oh, I guess I sort of remember that.  Probably my most notorious of incidents.  Evil times of me shitting on one of your most revered saints as he announces engagement to a white woman, except that I pretty much got the shit knocked out of me.  I always kind of liked Verthaine before then, but I think he even quit the forums after that.  But then, it must have been just a while longer before I finally got exiled after that.  How is old V?  Did he marry happily ever after?  Am I to blame if he didn't?  Alimony?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wow, look, a piece of shit. Anyone have a stick I can use to scrape it off with?