Nigels's stupid dating story thread

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

A few days ago I placed a personals ad. The following email exchange then took place:

On 8/2/11 12:58 PM, Easy Duzit <eduzit714@gmail.com> wrote:

        Is it OK if I am tall, dark, handsome and well hung?

        I am 6' 3" and about 235.

        Do you like massage and erotic massage as well as the other activities you listed?

        Let me know if you are interested.

        EZ

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 1:36 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    Hi! Yes, it is OK. Tell me more about yourself... age, location and marital status? Here are a couple of me.

On 8/2/11 2:04 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> Hi [Nigel's real name],
>
> From the description I thought that this might be you. I almost answered the post with your name. I hope that you are feeling better than when last we spoke. You look younger.
>
> Since I do have a sense of what you are looking for and know a bit about you, I will get right to what I wish to offer you.
>
> Loving touch in the form of massage
> Affirmation of your beauty (not in a rote way, but you will definitely know)
> Careful and expert attention to your physical wants and needs (I will check in as we go along)
> Plenty of space to sort out the rest of your life when you need it
> Someone to talk to who will listen attentively and speak from the heart
> A graceful and loving exit if and when the time comes
>
> and a beer...
>
> Let me know if you have any interest....
>
> No is a fine answer. Yes would be the one I prefer.
>
>
> Tony

At this point I am thinking this is a guy named Tony that I went on one date with right after my breakup, who was really nice but I was in no place to be dating so I didn't see him again. I am slightly thrown by the... weirdness... but figured he seemed pretty great when I met him before, so why not go on another date?

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 2:21 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    Hi Tony! Yeah, I lied about my age; figured I might as well, since everyone is always surprised by my real age. I am gradually recovering from my heartbreak, but not quite enough to want to date "for real" yet.

    But, yes, I would be interested in spending time with you...

On 8/2/11 2:27 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> I was not calling you on that beautiful. I was just teasing you a bit. Calendar age is clearly the lie where you are concerned.
>
> Beer first or would you prefer to sip one while I rub the tension away?
>
> Are you near Lloyd Center? I thought you were west of town for some reason.
>
> I live near Mt. Tabor.

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 2:33 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    I'd actually like to just meet up for a beer first, to re-establish a rapport... perhaps Thursday? Did you move from the SW area? I thought you were way out there, Tabor isn't so far. I'm midpoint between Alberta Arts and Lloyd.

On 8/2/11 2:36 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> No, I have lived in my house for 10 years.
>
> Thursday is good for me. I will probably be on my bike if the weather is good.
>
> I am happy to ride out your way some on the way home if you have a place in mind.

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 3:53 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    Hey! You are not the Tony I thought you were. I met a guy named Tony about five months ago and had a really nice time, but was too much of a wreck over the situation with my off-and-on-ex to even try to date so I've been waiting. I've never actually met you, have I?

    That's OK, I will on Thursday.

On 8/2/11 4:08 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> I was going to spare you this but you stood me up the day after your birthday on a lunch date.
>
> It was clear that you needed some time and space.
>
> No hard feelings and I am glad that we reconnected.
>
> But yes... we have never met.

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 8:15 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    Did I ever get a face picture of you? Can I get one before we meet, please? Simply because I am skeptical of men who won't show me what they look like...

On 8/2/11 8:26 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> Please read our previous email thread if you have not done so. It was associated with your email address [nigel@nigelshouse.org].
>
> If you decide that you do not wish to meet me on Thursday, please give me as much prior notice as possible so that I can make other plans.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Tony

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 10:02 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    I only have my side of the conversation in my sent mail folder, and not yours (although reading through what I sent you, I did at least discover that I didn't stand you up, but sent you an email cancelling that morning) and it looks like you didn't send me a face pic then either? I must have really been falling apart! I normally wouldn't make a date with anyone whose face I hadn't seen. And other details, like age, marital status, etc.

    When we were conversing earlier today I was thinking you were the Tony I met in March... but you're not, so that changes things a bit.

    Anyway, if you can provide me with those, great, if not, I'll cancel and wish you luck in your search!

On 8/2/11 10:03 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> I think that you are probably more trouble than you are worth.
>
> Good luck

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 10:10 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    Yeah, I'm awfully picky. Thanks, good luck to you as well!

On 8/2/11 10:13 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> Being selective is good. That is not what I am talking about.

On Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 2:17 PM, [Nigel] wrote:

    And I bet you're a senior citizen. Sorry, elderly douchebags don't make the cut. I have enough dates lined up for now that I don't feel any need to deal with manipulative shitfuckers like yourself, so go take out your dentures and choke on a dog dick, grandpa.

On 8/4/11 2:34 PM, Easy Duzit wrote:
> I had a feeling that you had a really unstable ugly side, but I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I see that there isn't any doubt at this point.
>
> I am probably the nicest person that has emailed you. I am exactly what I say I am. I can see that this has not been your experience previously.
>
> I can also run rings around you even without an ACL in my right knee (blew it up 4 weeks ago). I am 8 years, 1 month and 8 days older than you.

> There is something about your persona that attracted me. I particularly liked that you worked with glass in the way that you do. I am sorry that life has kicked you in the teeth as many times > as it has.
>
> I hope you find a nice person who treats you well.
>
> Go in peace.
>
> Tony

On 8/4/11 3:00 PM, [Nigel] wrote:
That's not my ugly side... that's my "laughing at random internet creep who lied about me standing him up and thinks I'm too much trouble because I wanted to know his age, marital status, and what he looks like" side.

As for the nicest person who has emailed me... no. So far, the information I have shows that you're a Craigslist regular, are dishonest (lied about me standing you up), manipulative (went for the overly-familiar approach, when that didn't work went for the negative hit approach) and evasive (won't give age, marital status, or show face) all of which are red flags for you being an old, ugly, married rapist who trolls Craigslist constantly looking for younger women he can trick into meeting at bars where he can slip them a roofie.

And one big reason my life is quite lovely is because I listen to my intuition on these things. I'd rather be wrong than put myself in a bad situation.

Just thought I'd do the public service of letting you know that, other than the occasional low-self-esteem trainwreck, that's how you come across to women. And that's why, while I have a raft of handsome 30-somethings to meet and will be hiking Mt. Adams with a steady within a month, you'll still be on Craigslist trying pathetically to cheat on your wife.

And remember, I have nothing to hide, but I do have your IP address.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

What a creep.

[East Coast Hustle]

[Freeky]

 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I'd have shut his ass down on the first dick-and-erotic-massage email. 
Nigel toys with them and mangles them slowly, like a cat. 

[Freeky]

Yeah, the massage and erotic massage in the very first message kind of made me go .

[Telarus]

Yeah, the massage and erotic massage in the very first message kind of made me go .

Damn... I'm great at both, but I wouldn't even go there on a first email....

[Salty]

I like that he offered massage AND erotic massage.
Can you imagine the first date, going along with the masterplan:

"You like that?"
"Oh yeah, that's great!"
Hands move more...erotically.
"Um, no thanks I'd like to stick with the non-erotic massage."
"Well, I figured..."
"Shaddup. And could you work my SCL a little harder? I've been on the computer a lot this week."
"Ok."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

IT GETS BETTER! 

Canceling the day of a date in a weird way, not remembering sending the first email and sending me another email later counts as standing me up from my perspective. You got hammered the night before and could not make our date. Maybe I should call it flaking out instead. You have a point.

I am 48. It is fine if you want 30 somethings. That is not me. On the other hand few if any are my equal at what I do well. My 30 something self was outstanding. My 40 something self is better. There is a stage of development in our 40s where men start to literally see the world differently. There is a new and different appreciation for beauty that was not possible before. There are subtleties to what we know and understand that we were not capable of previously. Your 30 somethings may grow into this.

I do use the CL forum as do you. You answered my ad in the first place because what you were looking for at the time looked something like me and yes I am a pervert that you could introduce to the family. I am pretty sure you are as well.

We have exchanged more than 40 emails. I have looked into what you do a bit. I am very good at understanding others and how they think so I am somewhat familiar with you.

I usually do not spend this much time chatting via email. Usually I just meet a person for coffee or a drink within a very few emails. We can usually tell in 10 to 20 seconds if this is a thing or not. I am not to everyone's taste. Not everyone is to mine. I am to some. I have dated women from late 50s to 19 over the past few years. A few have been traffic stopping. Some have been less so. They all had something that I liked about them. The 19 year old was a special case about four years ago sent to me by another gf in her 30s. She just wanted to learn to have a good orgasm and how to teach her boyfriend how to give her one. I saw her about 10 times. The last couple of times she brought her boyfriend. The late 50s now 60 woman is still a friend, but she has a new husband. I held her hand during cancer and helped her feel safe with men again. She was in a 30 year very abusive marriage. I think that these were the only really vulnerable women that I have seen. Most of them just wanted someone who is warm, good company and good at sex. I left them all better off and happier than I found them except one. She fell in love with me. I still have deep feelings for her. I was not willing to bring her child into my house as he would terrorize and make my son miserable. She agrees that this would happen and understands. My son will be at home another ten years. I let her go to find someone she can build a life with. Neither of us is over this.

I only know what a roofie is (is that how you spell it?) because my last gf got me watching Dexter.

I am not cheating on my wife. I would be happy to introduce you to her. I introduce all of the women that I date to her. She is life long friends with a few of them. She is fabulous in her way. We have been separated for 5 years. We own a house together and some other things and are not in any hurry to do the divorce paperwork. We are still very close friends and do a lot of things together. Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. I do not think that we will have a 22nd as I am hoping to sell the house next year and be able to do a clean financial split. If not, neither of us are terribly concerned. We have two children. I have a daughter in college. I do hope that the men in her life treat her the way that I treat the women in mine and that she is happy.

I am pretty sure that your relationships with your exes are not such that you can double date.

I had a third date for lunch with a very nice woman today. I am probably off the market for the present.

I find that CL works well for me. I have had some adventures along the way and have met some very nice people. I have met others that are not as nice. From my perspective it is mostly about eliminating people that I do not want to be with or do not want to be with me. I think that we have done a good job of this.

I do wish you well. If I see you around, I will introduce myself. Please don't hit me or use words like shitfucker.

There is enough, love, sex and good things in the world for all of us. I do hope you get what you are looking for.

I can guarantee that you do not have my IP address. I have been a network engineer for more than 20 years. You are funny though.

Your IP address claim made me decide to hack you a bit deeper. You might want to consider your own information security. The below took me less than three minutes. Most people could probably get this in less than an hour.

[Nigel's address and former phone #]

Please do not freak out on me, but it is probably best if you clean up a few things. That was really too easy.

Tony

[Salty]

 
Holy fucking creeper from the nth dimension.
KILL IT WITH FIRE.

[Freeky]

What an asshole.


I like how he insinuates that you don't have any exes that you are friendly enough with to go on doubles dates with.

And yeah, totally agree with Alty.  CREEPER, KILL IT WIF FIRE.


Also stalking ftw.

[Salty]

From my perspective it is mostly about eliminating people that I do not want to be with or do not want to be with me. I think that we have done a good job of this.

From my perspective it is mostly about eliminating people that I do not want to be with or do not want to be with me. I think that we have done a good job of this.

From my perspective it is mostly about eliminating people that I do not want to be with or do not want to be with me. I think that we have done a good job of this.

[Freeky]

The fact that he remembers being stood up by her - if that indeed what it was, and he considered her sending of an e-mail to be... not cancellation?  what? - and then went out of his way to tell her what she was missing, that he normally doesn't go out of his way like this to talk to women, that he dated anywhere from 19(!) to 50s (as if AGE has anything to do with anything, other than make guys look like creepers if they don't have anything in common and so on), continues to insult Nigel, AND THEN GOES PI HUNTING, all of that, is just... I mean, I can't even put a name to that.

If Roger is the King of Nutterville, Nigel must be the Dark Empress of CREEPY STALKERS.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Full on TOTAL creeper. Ew.

I congratulated him on "hacking" me, as my address and land line are POSTED ON MY WEBSITE. And in the phone book. Any fucktard who knows my first name can find my address in seconds.

Also, there was some irony to his insinuation that I'm not friendly with my exes, because at the very moment I received that email I was sitting in my ex's back yard, drinking a beer and telling him about this creeper.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The fact that he remembers being stood up by her - if that indeed what it was, and he considered her sending of an e-mail to be... not cancellation?  what? - and then went out of his way to tell her what she was missing, that he normally doesn't go out of his way like this to talk to women, that he dated anywhere from 19(!) to 50s (as if AGE has anything to do with anything, other than make guys look like creepers if they don't have anything in common and so on), continues to insult Nigel, AND THEN GOES PI HUNTING, all of that, is just... I mean, I can't even put a name to that.

If Roger is the King of Nutterville, Nigel must be the Dark Empress of CREEPY STALKERS.

I think I am. I remember getting my first one when I was 13, and I've had several per year since then.