Rant 63: A liberal dose

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 63
Insert a Liberal Dose of,Ķ

,ÄúInvestment means you,Äôre purchasing something, and somebody has to make that which you purchase and sell that which you purchase. And that,Äôs how the economy works.,Äù
-George W Bush, Idiot Boy Emperor of the USA.

,ÄúEvents with million-to-one odds happen 295 times a day in the United States.,Äù

,ÄúTerrorists do bad things, and that means they,Äôre bad people.,Äù

,ÄúIn Witchcraft, we do not fight self-interest; we follow it,Ķ,Äù
-Starhawk

,ÄúAnd the message of the non- prophetess is ,ÄòIf you seem to be a verb, then you may wish to lower your dose of whatever it is you smoke. For verbs are the vile and tricky cousins of fnords. Have no truck with such things.,Äô But we listened not since we were well on our way to drunk. Blessed are those who hear this and know themselves. Twice blessed are those who hear this and know tequila,Äôs curative effects. But thrice blessed are those who hear this and know Eris. Verily, it is a mystery that has nothing to do with errant washing machines on Mondays.,Äù
-from the Book of the Tequila M??stica Cabal

,ÄúWhite magic is poetry, black magic is anything that actually works.,Äù
-Victor Anderson

I sometimes think about going back to the time when I wasn,Äôt some sort of Pagan spiritual exponent or *gasp* ,Äòteacher,Äô. But who cares what I think? At least I can blow my own nose, so to speak.,Äù
Tequilarius Malignatus, when asked about tabasco sauce

It is said that skeptics make better magicians. But we are not here concerned with skeptics or magicians, in as much as their chaotic sex lives may interest some of you. But then again, what the hell do I know? And why am I telling you what we are here concerned with? In fact why are you even reading [or listening to] this? Perhaps your imagination is more twisted than you realize and you are combing through the twisted effects of a mind on Discordia mixed with liberal doses of cut-up philosophy? Perhaps you suspect that somewhere in these words there is a key to all occult esoterica,Äîyou may be right, in that case. But I wouldn,Äôt have anything to do with that. Perhaps you are sifting through the miles and miles and miles of written Erisiana out there and finally realized that Kerry Thornley, Greg Hill, and Robert Anton Wilson could not have written it all, in as much as it can be said that they wrote anything, in as much as playing cut-ups can be said to be writing, whatever that may be.

Speaking of cut-ups, that brings me to my latest topic of spewage. Possibly. (Though I may just digress again.) Ranting via cut-up is a spectacular achievement that you all can do,Äînot that that has anything to do with any of this, mind you. Will it help you? Who can say but Eris? Perhaps you,Äôre all on so many drugs that it doesn,Äôt matter what I say anyway, in as much as it can be said. (In which case, report to our Intox,Äîor was it ,ÄòInbox,Äô,ÄîDepartment for corrections.) We can help you with liberal doses of bad scotch or bourbon and cut-up experiments,Äîotherwise known as ,Äòdrinking games,Äô by the uninitiated, whoever they may be said to be. There are always windows, so don,Äôt worry.

Speaking of help, this is to inform you that we are here to provide you with liberal doses of paranoia, conspiratorial winks, and weird green colored tequila drinks. There is satisfaction guaranteed especially if you please hang up and dial the number again. What more could a person ask for? Chili-dogs with a side of fried onions? Trucks built fnord tough? Burgers made your way, right away? Or how about our secret potion which will give you miraculous powers, including all you ever needed or wanted to know about everything? Does that sound better than stale two-day old cookies? We can give you the special secret handshakes and passwords you need to get into any esoteric group you choose,Äîor to start your own group, no doubt, like the rabidly crazed post-hippie-era cultist that you are. We can even give you the wonderful powers of predicting the results of presidential elections. (We would like to say that it takes a lot of intelligence and discernment on the level of adept-hood to be able to forecast elections accurately. But that,Äôs a lie. The only skill you really need is to be able to shut off the TV for a while and reason with yourself,Äîan uncommon and unusual skill, no doubt, but easy enough to practice.) Perhaps the results of this coming US presidential election are written in code in the above paragraph, hmm? (Those who know their tarot system should be able to figure it out.)

As far as cut-ups are concerned, I can only say that it is not my fault. It probably started with that Crowley character, or James Joyce, or Austin Osman Spare, or even Brion Gysin or William Burroughs,Äîseeing as Eris was messing about with modern people long before the two loose nuts in California decided to form the Discordian Society, whatever that may be, back in 1957 or 1958,Äîor even five minutes later. I asked Eris about it and Her response was to ask the Buddha. But that was to no avail as I had discovered that the Buddha had been murdered by a Zen master,Äôs overly zealous student. So I asked the White Mouse instead. Needless to say that by the time he finished explaining it to me, I had forgotten what I wanted to know as I sank under the immense pull of the tequila we shared. Perhaps this entire paragraph was just a cut-up gone wrong. Talking about paragraphs, epigraphs, and photographs tends to remind me of cigars, which reminds me of prairie squid, which reminds me of the balancing of the Hodge and the Podge and the sick ideals of those who eat macaroni and cheese with ketchup,Äîfor whatever reason. I personally believe that Eris Herself invented the cut-up method and then She persuaded Her crazies,Äîwhether or not they themselves admit to being Her crazies,Äîto try it out. Since it is so bobdamned entertaining and enlightening (especially when combined with the potent ecstasies of the chaos magic rituals we have developed), no one can resist a good cut-up, regardless of how spooky William Burroughs seemed to some people.

And speaking of spookiness, you,Äôre at this point thinking ,Äòwhat the fuck is this about?,Äô I,Äôll tell you what this is about. It is a secret literary conspiracy that will, upon reading, or even after lightly skimming with your attention mainly elsewhere, slip into your mind and cause your pineal gland to explode approximately five minutes after one of our agents slips into your field of vision and gives the secret handshake. You may want to be there for that show. Trust me on that one. Or you can report to Eris directly, but probably only on Her good days. You,Äôll have to figure those out by yourself.

Maybe I am here to rant about la vecchia religione and our Old Lady, the Great Goddess Eris. Maybe I am not. Perhaps I don,Äôt want to get into that field of endless bickering about old religions and witchcraft which seems to have consumed the Pagan community for the past few decades,ÄîSo, I,Äôll just say it out loud and up front as it is often said by us: THERE IS NO GODDESS BUT GODDESS AND SHE IS YOUR GODDESS! THERE IS NO MOVEMENT BUT THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT AND IT IS THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT! (Note: The use of all-caps does not, in any way, imply that I am practicing capitalism. So don,Äôt even go there.) At least that,Äôs what we tell ourselves, so I suppose it,Äôs all that matters, if in fact, anything should matter, in as much as matter can be said to matter. But you might not want to believe things you read. Especially if they seem to be cut and pasted from assortments of tabloids, irreligious tracts, toothpaste directions, commercial advertisements, and the random thoughts that fly by every now and again. Perhaps you will find the meaning of the universe above, in case you have trouble finding it through the holes in your socks. Perhaps, you will find nothing of the sort, except, perhaps, the winning number combinations for your town,Äôs/state,Äôs next lottery drawing. Perhaps you will discover to your shock, horror, joy, and/or amazement that I have hidden several occult keys to magic in the above paragraphs. Perhaps. One can only wonder what liberal doses of what-ever-the-hell-it-is has just been added to your mind now.

Hail Eris!

(Bureaucracy 19th, 3170)