ITT: The New American Dream

[Icey]

To meet the people who after one missed payment (that their system caused) hiked my parent's credit card interest to 50%.

That's my American dream.


And then punch through their stomach, and RIP OUT THEIR GODDAMN SPINE

That's my American dream.

[Cramulus]

I want the Mystic Wicks forum rules to apply to real life.

That's my American dream.

[AFK]

To buy a "Make Your Own Self-Sustaining Impenetrable Eco-Compound" kit from Lowes, set it up somewhere in the mountains of Maine, and weld the fucking doors shut. 

That's my American dream.

[AFK]

I want a fucking jetpack!

That's my American dream.

[Jenne]

I want to eat all the junk I can and laze around all day and still not gain any weight and in fact SHRINK to the size of Kate Moss after a binge-and-purge


That's my American dream.


I want to spend a lot of money raising my kids to be the best little rat racers ever and STILL not have them blow into major debt that will prevent them from saving for retirement or have to move back home because they can't find work.


That's my American dream.



I want cancer to get cancer.

That's my American dream.

[Cramulus]

That's my American dream.

[AFK]

I want to make love to my wife on top of the Olympus Mons.

That's my American dream.

[deadfong]

I want matching after-sex bathtubs like in the Cialis commercials.

That's my American Dream.

[Doktor Howl]

I want my own death robot.

That's my American Dream.

[The Wizard Joseph]

It be kicked out of a sub-orbital jet for talking shit to the wrong people, only for them to discover that the gods are real enough to keep my body intact and guide it to a pre-arranged impact zone.  The pool in front of the Washington Monument.
They like Lulz too.

That's my American Dream.


To discover afterward that there is an afterlife AND they have TV.  I want to see that the news cover-up was something to the effect of "Pool to be drained and refurbished. Monumental crack much worse than expected."


That's my "American Gods" Dream.

[Adios]

To be able to kill people over the internet.

That's my American Dream.

[Juana]

I want to out compete African farmers by being able to afford to undercut them because I get crop subsidies.

That's my American Dream.


I want to be able to find a job in my field after I graduate.

That's my American Dream.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I want to take all my friends and family and dance at the Jefferson Memorial!

That's my American Dream.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Extraordinary rendition.

That's my American Dream.

[Richter]

To go to Wal-Mart in a loincloth and buckskins, disable the scooters of the morbidly obese with an EMP gun, and dance around them chanting gibberish at the top of my lungs while waiving an obsidian spear.

That's my American Dream.