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Still more anon PM responses.

Started by Doktor Howl, September 02, 2011, 04:33:09 PM

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Doktor Howl

More responses to weird shit in my PM box.  The guilty parties will know who they are.

1.  No, and I don't want to get to know the "real" you.  I never wanted to know the "real" GWB, either.  Or the "real" Manson.  Fuck off.

2.  I couldn't help it.  I had just shaved my back, and I was itching like crazy.  I know that's not really much of an excuse, but you try it sometime.  I am seriously considering having my entire back and head lasered, to avoid this sort of shit in the future.  Nevertheless, no laws were actually broken, so I fail to see what all the fuss is about.

3.  Tony Soprano is a fictional character.  Just saying.

4.  No, I am not PD's "leader".  Some people may listen to what I say, but that's their fucking decision/mistake.  And, as for being an admin, around here that's like being the janitor at a porn theater.  Contrary to popular belief, neither my ADMIN POWERZ nor my "moral authority" has any bearing on how other people act.  Not only did I personally not shit on your brilliant post, but I never even posted in that thread.  For fuck's sake. 

5.  There is no such thing as "couth".  "Uncouth" is a word, but "couth" is not.  Also, do not presume to lecture me on proper, civilized behavior until such time as you can write a complete sentence.

6.  No, I don't have a job.  I just sit on the internet all day, and pay for my perversions by selling soiled underwear on Ebay.  I'm actually too fat to leave the basement anymore, so I just have the wife send my food down a rope in a bucket, which I then use to send my waste back up.  Why have I let myself get in this horrible condition?  Why, to ensure that I have enough time to make fun of your beliefs, of course.  No need to thank me, citizen, you're already paying my disability cheques.  However, if you really MUST show me how much you love me, you can send me a new "bottom buddy".  The old one is getting worn out.

7.  I think you're on solid legal ground, here.  There are, to my knowledge, no laws in the United States that prevent you from having sex with machines, with or without that machine's consent.  You may still have to worry about basic trespassing, of course, so I'd do it in the middle of the night.  Try to think of a good reason for being in a sanitation facility, though, in case you get caught.

8.  No, "choking skeeter" has nothing to do with an 80s sitcom.

9.  For the last fucking time, I am not impressed with physical threats on the internet.  You fuckers can't survive up here, anyway, because there's not enough smog in the air.  Perhaps, though, you could subscribe to Internet Tough Guy Magazine.  "Google images" it, you'll see what I mean.

10.  Um.  I suppose a "Cleveland Steamer" could be a sandwich, if you're really dedicated and hard working.

That's all the hilarity for now, folks.  I have 8 more to go, but I'm waiting for another two examples of idiocy/weirdness before I continue.


Molon Lube

Freeky


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

 :lulz:

For some reason I now have a rather disturbing mental image of you prancing about singing "MY NECK, MY BACK" in falsetto while preparing your responses.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Jenne

:mittens:  :lulz:  Epic, as usual!  You're just the magnet for board crazies, Rog.  It boggles, it really does.

P3nT4gR4m

:mittens:

This is how all forums ought to be administerised

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Doktor Howl

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:01:01 PM
:mittens:

This is how all forums ought to be administerised


???

This is just the responses to the turdlets and love letters that stink up my PM box.
Molon Lube

P3nT4gR4m

Yeah but most of them are Pm-ing you cos your Teh Bosstm

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Doktor Howl

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:04:14 PM
Yeah but most of them are Pm-ing you cos your Teh Bosstm

About a third, I'd guess.  Another 3rd are the ones that can't sleep because they are so butthurt with me, and the last third are the real fucking crazies.
Molon Lube

P3nT4gR4m

I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Doktor Howl

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

Oh, you have no idea.   :lulz:

I have a few pages of PMs saved all the way back to January of 2003, and I have willed them to ECH, to be published in the event of my death (unless I post them first).  One guy hollering at me for "talking to thos slutts" (SIC), some lady saying "I WROTE YOUR NAME NEXT TO MINE IN THE LIGHTNING BUT IN THE MORNING I CRIED", half a dozen people worried about my soul, and at least two who are/were convinced I am the antichrist.  I have 6 death threats, 3 marriage proposals, and one promise of forcible buttrape (from a woman, no less).

If nobody ever follows through on any of this stuff, I will be bitterly disappointed.   :lulz:
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

Yeah, what's awesome is that sometimes they PM me about him.  :?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Nigel on September 02, 2011, 08:15:34 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

Yeah, what's awesome is that sometimes they PM me about him.  :?

HAR!  Stalked by association!   :lulz:
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 02, 2011, 08:16:49 PM
Quote from: Nigel on September 02, 2011, 08:15:34 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

Yeah, what's awesome is that sometimes they PM me about him.  :?

HAR!  Stalked by association!   :lulz:

You know you REALLY have the freak-magnet when they do things like, say, de-mod your friends to get at you.  :horrormirth:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Nigel on September 02, 2011, 08:21:44 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 02, 2011, 08:16:49 PM
Quote from: Nigel on September 02, 2011, 08:15:34 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on September 02, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
I stand correctillated. You really are just a fuckhead magnet  :x

Yeah, what's awesome is that sometimes they PM me about him.  :?

HAR!  Stalked by association!   :lulz:

You know you REALLY have the freak-magnet when they do things like, say, de-mod your friends to get at you.  :horrormirth:

Or pull a Yatto and send shock pron to all your FB friends.   :lol:
Molon Lube

Disco Pickle

I consider it a point of pride that I've yet to be so angry at something you've said that I would devolve into the frothing level of madness it takes to write a PM that would require such lulzy responses.

I mean, I've told you to go fuck yourself before, but that was just another Tuesday, and looking back it was probably something I was wrong about and just wasn't ready to own up to it.

Funny shit you write though.  I think it's good enough to publish to a web site and make money with.  I put it on par with David Thorne's stuff for bizarre hilarity.

Hell, I'd buy the book.
"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter." --William Ralph Inge

"sometimes someone confesses a sin in order to take credit for it." -- John Von Neumann