Commit a crime, go to church

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

This is awesome 

http://www2.wkrg.com/news/2011/sep/22/serve-time-jailor-church-ar-2450720/

BAY MINETTE, Alabama --
Non-violent offenders in Bay Minette now have a choice some would call simple: do time behind bars or work off the sentence in church.

Operation Restore Our Community or "ROC"...begins next week. The city judge will either let  misdemenor offenders work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders elect church, they're allowed to pick the place of worship, but must check in weekly with the pastor and the police department. If the one-year church attendance program is completed successfully, the offender's case will be dismissed.

The program is constitutional, because the offenders aren't forced to go to church, and they choose the church.  They have a choice between going to jail, paying a fine, and having a criminal record, or remaining free except for one hour every Sunday and having no criminal record.

PMZ,
needs to open a combination church/sports bar in Bay Minette with video poker machines and a two-drink minimum during the Sunday service, which consists of watching football on big screen TVs.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

This is awesome 

http://www2.wkrg.com/news/2011/sep/22/serve-time-jailor-church-ar-2450720/

BAY MINETTE, Alabama --
Non-violent offenders in Bay Minette now have a choice some would call simple: do time behind bars or work off the sentence in church.

Operation Restore Our Community or "ROC"...begins next week. The city judge will either let  misdemenor offenders work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders elect church, they're allowed to pick the place of worship, but must check in weekly with the pastor and the police department. If the one-year church attendance program is completed successfully, the offender's case will be dismissed.

The program is constitutional, because the offenders aren't forced to go to church, and they choose the church.  They have a choice between going to jail, paying a fine, and having a criminal record, or remaining free except for one hour every Sunday and having no criminal record.

PMZ,
needs to open a combination church/sports bar in Bay Minette with video poker machines and a two-drink minimum during the Sunday service, which consists of watching football on big screen TVs.

Get a ULC certificate and open up a Temple to Dionysus. 

[Cramulus]

This is the reason that there are Discordians. We need to get a church registered in Alabama!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

"Oh yeah, your honor. He was here all day. got nice and filled up with the spirit he did."

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

This is the reason that there are Discordians. We need to get a church registered in Alabama!

Do we have any Alabamians on the board?  I looked up Bay Minette and it's about 45 minutes north of Gulf Shores, so it has that going for it.

"Oh yeah, your honor. He was here all day. got nice and filled up with the spirit he did."

Some might worry about the fact that their bar's clientele consists mainly of convicted criminals, but I say that they know if they were to skip out on their tab, then I will tell the judge they didn't show.

[Triple Zero]

While I understand the hilarity, what exactly is the (hypothetical) goal here?

1. Set up a Discordian Church in Alabama
2. Receive criminals for 1h per week on a sunday
3. ????
4.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

While I understand the hilarity, what exactly is the (hypothetical) goal here?

1. Set up a Discordian Church in Alabama
2. Receive criminals for 1h per week on a sunday
3. ????
4.

Why, to provide a place for people to go who both don't want to go to jail or go to a boring old Christian church where they will try and make you repent of your sins.

[East Coast Hustle]

While I understand the hilarity, what exactly is the (hypothetical) goal here?

1. Set up a Discordian Church in Alabama
2. Receive criminals for 1h per week on a sunday
3. ????
4.

Assuming the drinks aren't free, I think there's some pretty decent potential for PROFIT lots of donations to the church coffers there.

[memy]

The thing is this whole church over jail idea would totally work! Non-violent criminals who get sent to jail are more likely to leave jail as violent criminals. Send them elsewhere and they just might end up being "normal".

Well we can't have that, can we? Damn normalcy. They have to serve their time somewhere and get messed up by the experience, right? What better place than our alcohol-filled-church-bar? That way we still preserve the sacred life-style of being a non-violent criminal, being a thing generally supported by Operation Mindfuck. In fact, we can just funnel the criminals directly into that section of the forum.

[Freeky]

The thing is this whole church over jail idea would totally work! Non-violent criminals who get sent to jail are more likely to leave jail as violent criminals. Send them elsewhere and they just might end up being "normal".

Well we can't have that, can we? Damn normalcy. They have to serve their time somewhere and get messed up by the experience, right? What better place than our alcohol-filled-church-bar? That way we still preserve the sacred life-style of being a non-violent criminal, being a thing generally supported by Operation Mindfuck. In fact, we can just funnel the criminals directly into that section of the forum.

What's got your panties in a bunch?

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

While I understand the hilarity, what exactly is the (hypothetical) goal here?

1. Set up a Discordian Church in Alabama
2. Receive criminals for 1h per week on a sunday
3. ????
4.

Assuming the drinks aren't free, I think there's some pretty decent potential for PROFIT lots of donations to the church coffers there.

Exactly, and this is not a pitcher of beer and a platter of chicken nachos -- it's the blood and body of Christ, shed and broken for you.

[Kurt Christ]

This is the reason that there are Discordians. We need to get a church registered in Alabama!

Do we have any Alabamians on the board?  I looked up Bay Minette and it's about 45 minutes north of Gulf Shores, so it has that going for it.

"Oh yeah, your honor. He was here all day. got nice and filled up with the spirit he did."

Some might worry about the fact that their bar's clientele consists mainly of convicted criminals, but I say that they know if they were to skip out on their tab, then I will tell the judge they didn't show.

I'm from Alabama, although I currently live in the Birmingham area. If navcat's still in Mobile, she'd be closer.

[memy]

What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

He's only human and only has so much blood to go around sir. He needs to keep some of it so he can regenerate and serve up some more next Sunday.

[Disco Pickle]

What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

He's only human and only has so much blood to go around sir. He needs to keep some of it so he can regenerate and serve up some more next Sunday.

CHRIST WAS NOT HUMAN! 

god damn Irish heathens, don't even know that he was from somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.