TO SAVE CALIFORNIA, WE MUST DESTROY IT. A warning to all Good Americans™

[Doktor Howl]

Agent Garbo and Shoe Ears are bad people.  There, I said it.

I mean, America was doing just fine until they came along.  Things were great...But that wasn't good enough for them.  Oh, no.  Like a pair of deranged Frenchmen, they insisted on tinkering with things best left alone...Agent Garbo's "innovative" raves, for example, in which the lights are left on, allowing poor miserable young people to see how badly they dance (and then photographing the poor fuckers in the act) pretty much killed the party scene in California.

Her "hikes", also; she blatantly exposed other young people to NATURE, which caused their X-Box conditioned faces to explode in hives and rashes upon contact with plant life.  And it seems that every picture she posts has one less person in it.  Is she EATING them?  Or does she just shove them down a ravine for the coyotes to find?

And don't even get me started on Shoe Ears.  Possessed of the personality of a weasel with paint stripper on its teats, she wanders the streets of her town, viciously beating children and stupid people.  "It's for their own good", she trills, "They have to learn."  Everyone knows what's in her backpack, and that alone is good reason for restricting the sale of dental tools to licensed professionals.  There are too many losers wandering around California with distended mouths and extra teeth already.  

I have heard that their condition is the result of breathing the yellow muck Californians call "air", but if that's the case, the whole state would be members of the Manson family.  No, they are deviants of the worst stripe, and they shouldn't be allowed to run loose.  Unfortunately, every time cops are sent to deal with them, the sisters just smile and make goo goo eyes at them, and then the cops are found later, in Oyster Bars or Bath Houses, surgically emasculated.  Female officers either turn Gay and join NOW, or are themselves arrested for unnatural acts with wildlife.

There are even rumors of some sort of connection between them and LMNO's organization, and whispers of involuntary extreme body modifications occurring as a result.  While I have no proof for this, I don't put it past them, not hardly.

WAKE UP, AMERICA!  Don't fall for a pair of pretty faces with hypodermics for teeth and acid nozzles for tonsils.  They are a MENACE to Good Christians™ everywhere, and their very existence threatens our way of life and our precious bodily fluids.  We have to take drastic action before it's too late, before we're all listening to La Roux and wearing canvas running shoes.  We must nuke California TODAY, and worry about the consequences later.

SERVO CIVITAS!

Okay for now,
Dok

[Freeky]

PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON!  It's hardly murder if its being done for charity. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Dude, I've never needed convincing before, but with this new evidence it seems like a moral obligation.

We have to do it for the Children^TM

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Jenne]

Um.

NO 

Jenne,

Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN 

[Jenne]

By the way, Those Two have special dispensation.

CA knows which way that wind blows and forgives the varmints' shinanigans so the rest of us can rest in peace.  Pun intended.

[Doktor Howl]

Um.

NO 

Jenne,

Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN 

It's either The Bomb, or the Agony Sisters.  Decide.

[Juana]

 

You should see Shoe Ears in full form. It's like watched da Vinci or Michelangelo in action. She goes down to Wal Mart and waits for Skeeter and Darlleen and their passel of children to come out and then she pounces - it's pretty impressive. I thought it impossible to lob a tooth that far with one of those dental mirrors, but Shoe Ears managed it. I'm not sure if the resulting casualty was intended, but I'm not going to ask.


Anyone who dances like a retarded t-rex - all arms and stamping - DESERVES to be photographed, and so terribly many of them do. It's a crime against the sacred art of rave and they need to be re-educated! How else can I do that without showing them what they're doing wrong?

If they were any good for eating, I'd offer them to the Dark Empress, but I'm afraid they aren't. Coyotes won't even touch 'em, but there is something that screams, out in the foothills. We don't know what it is, despite much speculation but the last hike we went on, I pushed one of my companions off the trail, the creature howled, and we never did see him again.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Um.

NO 

Jenne,

Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN 

If you check outside there is a large unmarked truck. That's for you, your family, and all of your possessions to get out of the way.

When the area is decontaminated, it's all yours Jenne.

Or should I say, Your Eminence.

[Jenne]

NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form."  If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.

During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.

Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.

[Doktor Howl]

You should see Shoe Ears in full form. It's like watched da Vinci or Michelangelo in action. She goes down to Wal Mart and waits for Skeeter and Darlleen and their passel of children to come out and then she pounces - it's pretty impressive. I thought it impossible to lob a tooth that far with one of those dental mirrors, but Shoe Ears managed it. I'm not sure if the resulting casualty was intended, but I'm not going to ask.


Anyone who dances like a retarded t-rex - all arms and stamping - DESERVES to be photographed, and so terribly many of them do. It's a crime against the sacred art of rave and they need to be re-educated! How else can I do that without showing them what they're doing wrong?

If they were any good for eating, I'd offer them to the Dark Empress, but I'm afraid they aren't. Coyotes won't even touch 'em, but there is something that screams, out in the foothills. We don't know what it is, despite much speculation but the last hike we went on, I pushed one of my companions off the trail, the creature howled, and we never did see him again.

None of this excuses throwing an enraged javelina into a shortbus.  You are essentially rotten people.

[Doktor Howl]

NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form."  If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.

During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.

Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.

I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them.  Just saying.

[Jenne]

Um.

NO 

Jenne,

Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN 

If you check outside there is a large unmarked truck. That's for you, your family, and all of your possessions to get out of the way.

When the area is decontaminated, it's all yours Jenne.

Or should I say, Your Eminence.

Shit.  I got a lot of packing to do.

*bows head gracefully*

[Jenne]

NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form."  If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.

During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.

Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.

I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them.  Just saying.

Better be made out of Titanium.

Just saying.

[Doktor Howl]

NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form."  If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.

During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.

Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.

I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them.  Just saying.

Better be made out of Titanium.

Just saying.

Too expensive.  I just strap homeless people to it.

That's MY American dream.