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As of tonight...

Started by P3nT4gR4m, October 08, 2011, 02:00:08 AM

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P3nT4gR4m

The evidence sorry about the hat but that water is fucking freezing!

Also, don't ask me how but I managed to convince an old chick to swap boats out in the middle! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeJvHBQWo_M

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

BadBeast

Reckon that old chick must have the glad eye for you. No fucking way could I be convinced to swap boats in the middle of Loch Lomond, on a foggy winter's day. (Even if it did have a nice Headcam mounted on the back of it)
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

P3nT4gR4m

All the chicks have the glad eye for me. I drip style!

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

P3nT4gR4m

Hahahahhaaahahaha%$£$*Y! I lost my camera a few weeks back, right at the start of what turned out to be an epic gnarly surf session on the east coast. Reported it missing with the coppers but wasn't holding out much hope then, yesterday I gets a letter through the door -

QuoteDEAR P3NT,

THIS IS THE FILTH HERE AND WE GOT YOUR QUARTER OF A GRAND WORTH OF CAMERA, ALL RIGHT AS RAIN AND STILL WORKING DESPITE BEING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS! COME GET IT BACK, LIKE THE LUCKY MOFO WHAT YOU IS.

LOVE AND KISSES,

TEH PIGS

:kojak:

So I go get it. And I bring it home. And I take the SD card out and slot it in the laptop. I'm treated to 17.5 minutes of me warming up in the break and getting demolished by a sneaky little dumper that I underestimated completely, jumping up behind me, followed by 1 hour 45 of sand moving about, back and forward, with accompanying "whooshy" noises.

So I cut it to Mother.

This is messy shitty windbreak surf, 5 or six seconds apart, no power but fast as fuck and steep as fuck and closing out almost instantly. Fuck all chance of any decent runs but, when it gets a bit bigger, it's good "survival training" Sometimes, at sea, conditions will chuck some aggression your way. If you can deal with surf, you can deal with any shit you'll get hit with 5 miles out, where it's important you can deal.

Checkit!

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Bu🤠ns

HAHAHA that's pretty sweet. 

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

P3nT4gR4m

Trying to put into words what sea kayak surfing does for me. Dunno if this will make sense to anyone, cos I'm so close to the subject matter. Meh, let me know if you get it or don't

The sets are mostly coming in threes, twenty seconds apart with the odd monster superset maybe one time in a dozen or so. Period is about five or six seconds. There's a point break on the headland to the south with the river driving the rip out to it. The rest of the swell is hitting the far end of the beach and breaking to the right, flowing along the shore to meet up with the river and forming a little crossbreak. Surf is hitting about the six or seven foot mark which, when you're sitting down is a double overhead but it's a nice gentle face and spilling, not dumping, except for the curl inside of the pointbreak. Couple of hours here and you'll be warmed up and ready to get stuck into what's waiting for you right around the corner.

Launch at the north end of the beach (get a couple of runs in before you take a look at the point) and paddle out through the foam. Seven or eight seconds and you feel the broken remains of the first set of the day, hissing past you. You dig in a bit deeper and punt out through the soup, trying not to lose too much ground as it feebly tries to drag you back to the beach.

When you meet the third wave in the set, you're thirty yards further out. Wave has still got a bit of meat in it. The spray hits you in the face and you taste salt as you punch through. Your bow rises up and thumps down the other side. Keep paddling. You can see the leader of the next set now, rising up ahead. It replaces the horizon with a jagged white line of foam that races across from left to right.

Then it hits you. In the chest this time, with a thump. You lean forward as far as you can and reach over the back, digging in deep and hauling your boat up and over. Paddle like hell into the second wave. It hits you harder. Third wave bears down on you, you reach forward, dig your blade in deep, and then just stop, right on the crest and hold on tight, with a huge, shit eating grin on your face.

She pushes you back as you hang on for grim death at the front. You're back surfing. 'Fakie' sea kayak style. The stern of your kayak gets pushed underwater. Another couple of seconds til the wave loses a bit of power and it's time to push forward. Hard! Nine feet of buoyancy behind you fires you up out of the water like a rocket. You lean as far forward as you can and get ready to brace as you land the other side with a splash and a "whoop!". Houston we have - 'Fuck yeah!'.

Now you're past the break. Where the boardies hang out in a line either side of you, waiting on the next set. The one your eyes are fixed on, out on the horizon. It starts to rise up but it aint going to break for another twenty seconds til it gets back here. You keep paddling, pumping your arms and legs and torso. Warming up. This is the domain of the longboat surfer and, for the time being at least, You have it all to yourself. Life is sweet. Paddle on.

Halfway to where you're headed you meet the next set on it's way in. You bounce over. Say hello. These ones are your friends. They want to play. You paddle out until you feel it. The next set. Just a gentle swell in the water. They've come a long way like that. They're born miles out at sea as messy, junky, explosions and turmoil kicked up by a couple of days of stormy shit. They head outward at all different speeds, angles and sizes. As they travel along some catch up with the ones in front. These waves get bigger, some fall over, all sorts of stuff happens but the upshot is, the longer they go on they get more uniform - longer, slower but a lot more powerful. These babies, by the time they hit the shore, are packing a strong, smooth punch. Windbreak will hit you but groundswell will plough into you and keep on coming, like a fucking freight train.

You turn round and watch one as it makes it's way to the beach. First it piles up on the headland to your left. The shoulder comes up, thick, muscular. Light and green, pulsing veins of white rising up to the crest. The inside slams into the cliff face and explodes as the outside curls out toward you before fading out. Now, out in front the water darkens in a line, along from the right. A couple of the boardies are paddling in front of it, matching speed before dropping into the face. A couple of seconds later you see one of the them pop out over the back, just as his mate gets wiped out and dragged into the foam. Just as the last wave of the set reaches the boardies you feel that playful little tap at the back of your boat a split second before the surge picks you up.

You dig in a couple of hard strokes. Slide into place on the top of the ramp and sit there as you pick up speed. Four seconds, you're going about fifteen or twenty miles per hour, torso rotated fully sideways with your paddle dug in deep behind you. just at the point the wave starts sliding out from in front of you as it piles up you grab the lip with your paddle and pull hard. You dive straight down, keel buried in the trough but the face is still just gentle enough to keep your nose out of the water.

You slide down fast and carve in left as the foam crest comes racing along the wave behind you. You should pop out right now, just before it catches you but, truth be told, you want caught. Getting caught is the best bit. And down it comes. Baring it's teeth six feet above your head and exploding down toward you. You're fully broached - side on to an avalanche. There's nothing else to do. You raise your paddle and fall over into it. And you hang on for dear life. It's a hundred yards to the beach and you're racing there sideways, on a magic carpet of exploding water. Just before you run up against the sand you straighten up and power back out. Round two...

It was fun while it lasted but, on that last run, just as you braced into the foam, you saw a monster break on the point. Cut the crap. You aint going to miss another one of those, are you? you head down the beach, along the soup, where the engery from the break disspiates against the shore, turning the water to thick white mush. You're heading for the rip, all the water that's crashing in, running straight back out to sea, in a current like a river. It's your equivalent of a ski-lift. You're headed for the top of the mountain.

You bounce over a couple of foamers and suddenly you're looking at the inside of a rip-curl, six, maybe seven feet. It's still far enough away that you don't have to worry too much about anything more than dealing with it's aftermath but the next one is going to be a different kettle of fish. You take a breath, muscles wound up, ready to punch out through the wall of incoming foam. And then you're through it and you're paddling like hell as the next one bears it's teeth. Paddling your guts out, you get the front of your boat a foot into bottom of the surge just as it leaps up. You have a split second to make up your mind. Fuck it, you're getting lifted into the pipe way too fucking fast, capsize!

You roll up on the other side and glance over your shoulder at the whoosh of air and spray that comes out when the pipe collapses. If you hadn't rolled you'd have been dragged, cartwheeling, end over end, right across the rocks next to the headland and that would have fucking sucked. And hurt. It aint over yet. You charge on and jump the last one, just as it starts to rear up. Now you're safe. Relatively speaking. You catch your breath and look out. Watch the next set roll in. You sit where you are and let it pass under you, panting like a labrador in a heatwave.

And the next set rolls in, then the next, and the next after that. You bide your time. Monsters come to those who wait. And the next set rolls in. And then you see it, way out on the horizon. It's so big you can see it over the set in front of it. The set that just wiped out the horizon. It's time to surf! You have to backpaddle to get behind the first of the set. That's your target. You watch it evolve in front of you as you let the next one pick you up. You're flying, shooting up ten feet in the air as you punch out five or six strokes with every muscle in your body.

You heave into the trough, just as you hear the screaming, hissing, roar behind you, you sprint down the steep face, digging you blade hard into the rising water and leaning in like your life depends on it. Maybe it does. fucking up right here could lead to broken bones, lots of them, but you aint going to fuck up here, this is only the start of the ride.

There's a perfect moment of clarity, as you hurtle along the tunnel, a green canopy of water above, trying to close in and catch you, you're completely immersed in the moment. It's eternal. Everything else, the past forgotten, the future irrelevant, this, right now is where you are and, for a couple of seconds, it feels like where you've always been. Nothing else exists. It's just you and the ocean, the deafening roar that almost but not quite drowns out the thumping of your heart.

And you lick your lips and taste the salt on them and life has meaning.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Bu🤠ns

Damn, man...

I think the best way I can relate is through that woodblock print: The Great Wave off Kanagawa.



I'm sure you're familiar...with the skilled fishermen negotiating the wild waters--that place where one feels really alive...I think about this art piece often and I immediately brought up it's imagery while reading your piece.

Awesome.

P3nT4gR4m

Just back from a week in the wilderness. No video (need a new lense cover for my gopro) but plenty of pics








Moar here

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Telarus

Oh hell yes. Looks fun. Thanks for the stock photos (you got some killer rock textures).
Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

P3nT4gR4m

Saturday: Got replacement lenses for the GoPro. Sunday: forecast for Belhaven on MagicSeaweed was 4-5 foot of mushy, murderous, evil fucked up shit - My favourite!

Surfing my longboat like a goddamn viking. Got some nervous looks from teh waveski pilots when I didn't put a helmet on. West Coast Hardcore motherfuckers! East cost mob are soft as shite and twice as english! Anyway - what the fuck use is a shiny plastic helmet when the dumpers are only interested in snapping your neck like a twig? :evil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI0L2fatKaY

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

P3nT4gR4m

Weekend in Glen Etive, sea was a sweltering 4 or 5 degrees! Was almost too fucking hot to stay in there, so we concentrated on getting out. Schooling noobs with my own rusty as fuck rescue skills and trying to learn how filming shit like this works.

http://youtu.be/SPAuTmC52oE

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark