little black bags

[Hoser McRhizzy]

On each side street of my city any time of year, you'll find 2 or 3 (at the very least) hand-sized bags filled with palm-sized portions of puppy shit.  These bags, whether squished, busted or still intact, are sometimes found dangling from the branches of trees, but are usually left in the middle of the sidewalk.  Presumably so mom will know where to find them when she comes to clean up our filthy town. 

But I guess expecting dog owners to carry Rover's poop all the way home is pretty unreasonable of me.  And it's not like they're rude jerks who don't even bother to bag it. 

No, they're the yuppie gods of compromise, lovingly wrapping each individual dog turd, but instead of lugging the stinky homemade stressballs all the way home, they leave them for me to find.  I wonder if its strategic and surreptitious, or if they carry the PRIZE INSIDE bags around and sneaky-drop them when they think no one's looking?

Next logical question -- Where does it go, if not on the sidewalk?

Would you believe -- the compost bin?  The city, you see, encourages eco-minded folk to mix those individually black-bagged fido leavings in with the potato peelings!  I shit you not!  The plastic baggies that you'll still see melting into the sidewalks year round are biodegradable you see, and gosh, folks use cow manure for fertilizer all the time.  So it's the exact same thing!  Right?

And here's where my head explodes.  Toronto closes public toilets throughout the 90s and early into the 00s with the excuse that gay people like to fuck which is dirty-wrong and AIDS, while in the meantime and in totally unrelated news, all the park benches get seemingly pointless dividers down the middle so that no one can sleep on them anymore.  Same bat channel, the downtown shelters get closed while new shelters open up on the outskirts (6$ a day just to get there and back downtown where the panhandling's a little better).  So, while the city's fattest legislate away the right of homeless people to stop walking, there's human crap in every semi-private public nook all up and down the city streets because the city has left people with nowhere left to GO. 

But what we can do, because we're people who care, is individually bag each shit from each purse poodle, mix em all in with our leftover food, and then spread that nutrient rich eco-benefit all over our gardens.  Not to mention all of the cat piss, shit, litter, bird cage stuff and so on.  Dagnabbit, now that's work worth doing!

I hear you ask, "What else goes into a healthy Torontonian mulch?"  How about raw fish and chicken, leftover cake, baby diapers, candy and menstrual pads?!  YUM! 

This lovely mix is then sent (after 'chemical digestion' and some kind of pressing process) to Compost Farms, where our old plastic and nastiness goes to make "high quality compost" (that looks suspiciously like landfill). 

But back to the point.  This, to me, epitomizes the Strange Times:  side-stepping around one of those ridiculous carefully enviro-wrapped little black baggies only to step in that long red-brown thick smear of human shit on my way to work.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

On each side street of my city any time of year, you'll find 2 or 3 (at the very least) hand-sized bags filled with palm-sized portions of puppy shit.  These bags, whether squished, busted or still intact, are sometimes found dangling from the branches of trees, but are usually left in the middle of the sidewalk.  Presumably so mom will know where to find them when she comes to clean up our filthy town. 

HAR!  Check out my "America" thread in Apple Talk.  Talk about synchronicity.

And as far as stepping in human shit, it could be much, much worse.

[Hoser McRhizzy]

Presumably so mom will know where to find them when she comes to clean up our filthy town. 

HAR!  Check out my "America" thread in Apple Talk.  Talk about synchronicity.

I'M NOT PICKING IT UP AND YUO CAN'T MAKE ME.  >muttering<  Can't prove it, never saw me do it... always pickin on me...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Presumably so mom will know where to find them when she comes to clean up our filthy town. 

HAR!  Check out my "America" thread in Apple Talk.  Talk about synchronicity.

I'M NOT PICKING IT UP AND YUO CAN'T MAKE ME.  >muttering<  Can't prove it, never saw me do it... always pickin on me...

[Cramulus]

good rant

[Hoser McRhizzy]

good rant

thanks cram 

[Triple Zero]

I believe though that due to the differences in diet (cat and dog food), human waste is actually quite bad for the environment, compared.

Also, diseases. Though now I wonder why dog poop doesn't risk cholera?

Anyways. Good rant

[Jenne]

Great rant, Hoser!

[Kai]

I believe though that due to the differences in diet (cat and dog food), human waste is actually quite bad for the environment, compared.

Also, diseases. Though now I wonder why dog poop doesn't risk cholera?

Anyways. Good rant

It's mostly all the meat we eat, all the fats and oils, and that we eat to excess; all those phosphates from beef. Ever seen the Dirty Jobs episode where Mike Rowe goes down in the septic tank, prying rancid oil filled shit off the walls? I mean, carnivore shit in general is more likely to have diseases associated with it. Dog shit is much similar to human shit these days, because we feed them like they were omnivores. They're /not/, they're obligate carnivores, and the dog food generally has high carbs, fats and oils, which isn't healthy. If you ever hear someone talk about feeding dogs or cats vegetarian diets, please stab them in the face for their stupidity. They have the digestive tracts for it, we don't.

When animals eat correctly for their digestive systems, their waste tends to be indigestible fiber, dead intestinal cells, and water.

[wudgar]

These homely and unloved bags are not trash or litter!
They are projectiles of opportunity!

From the modded rice racer that only comes out at night to the Beemer that always takes two parking spaces.

The "concerned citizen" with binoculars and the local police on speed dial.

The politician stumping at the local market.
They are the targets!