Prostitution & feminism

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, yesterday I made an offhand comment to some friends that I would really like my next boyfriend to be someone who has never visited a prostitute, but that I didn't know if that's an unreasonable hope. I observed that of all the men I've been in relationships with, all but one share the curious commonality of having told me they have been with prostitutes, usually while traveling abroad, with frequency ranging from a one-time experiment to a semi-regular habit.

Space Cowboy, who is easily the awesomest person I have ever been in a relationship with, is the only one who has never paid for sex.

Curiously, my male friends, for the most part, reacted as if I had said the most reasonable thing in the world, and several commented that they didn't even know anyone who had been to a prostitute. Two of my female friends, however, challenged my reasoning, so I said that while I don't think prostitution is wrong, I think that there is a lot wrong with prostitution, and that other than, say, a youthful one-time visit out of curiosity, I don't think paying women for sex as a commodity is consistent with a feminist worldview or with my expectations of a partner.

SHIT STORM. They are acting like I am being TOTALLY unreasonable, discriminatory, and (bizarrely enough) anti-feminist.

What sayeth the peedee on this matter?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Just had fucking PD eat my Goddamn response.

Will try one more fucking time.

Visiting a prostitute strikes me as about as exciting as jacking off with a handfull of hep C.  I've never even been tempted.  It's hard to explain.  There's something pathetic about it...It's like paying someone to be your friend. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And as far as feminism goes, I'm neutral on the subject, provided the person isn't being forced into it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Just had fucking PD eat my Goddamn response.

Will try one more fucking time.

Visiting a prostitute strikes me as about as exciting as jacking off with a handfull of hep C.  I've never even been tempted.  It's hard to explain.  There's something pathetic about it...It's like paying someone to be your friend. 

Haha, yeah. It seems really unappealing to me, too, but I'm not a guy. It's nice to know that most guys feel similarly, because for years I've been assuming that if all the guys I've been with have been with prostitutes, it must be a thing most men do.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And as far as feminism goes, I'm neutral on the subject, provided the person isn't being forced into it.

[Eater of Clowns]

Prostitution can be empowering, if it's an enterprise run by women and/or employing women who feel empowered and legitimate in what they do.

Unfortunately, that's probably not realistic.  It's a lot more frequently the last resort of unempowered and exploited women.

[Phox]

... wat. How the fuck is desiring a partner who has never paid for sex anti-feminist?

Personally, I wouldn't care, on the condition that should the habit continue there are regular STD tests. But I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation. For one, I can see where your coming from, and I have always disagreed with the idea of sex as a commodity as well. So... there's that.

Prostitution can be empowering, if it's an enterprise run by women and/or employing women who feel empowered and legitimate in what they do.

Unfortunately, that's probably not realistic.  It's a lot more frequently the last resort of unempowered and exploited women.

Right on the money, EoC.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Prostitution can be empowering, if it's an enterprise run by women and/or employing women who feel empowered and legitimate in what they do.

Unfortunately, that's probably not realistic.  It's a lot more frequently the last resort of unempowered and exploited women.

Prostitution can be empowering, sure. And it can provide a needed service. However, I am not talking about the prostitutes, but those who pay for them... it seems to me that a man who is comfortable with the idea of paying for sex is probably not going to be a suitable partner for me. I would not have a similar hangup with a man who had prostituted himself, however. The buying and the selling are two very different things. I think there's something, some mental disconnect, in the minds of people who pay for sex... it seems very compartmentalized to me. It makes sex a "thing".

[PopeTom]

While not really opposed to people visiting prostitutes I don't entirely understand why anyone would do it.

Usually all it really takes to get laid is the willingness to take a shower and not be a complete douche bag while out in public places.

[BabylonHoruv]

I've never paid for sex and never intend to. For me it's more about the connection than the physical sensation anyways, and you can't buy connection.

I don't have any problem with people who pay for it, or who get paid for it, they just enjoy a different part of sex than I do.  I don't think a john is anti-feminist, but I do think that sex with someone who pays for sex might not be very satisfying for me, or for anyone for whom that connection is a vital part of it all.

[Kai]

I think it's like what Dear Coke Talk says about the difference between a prostitute and a whore. A prostitute is a sex worker, plain and simple. They do it because they're good at it, because they enjoy it, or because they have to work like any other person who needs to eat and sleep somewhere.

A whore is someone who does it against their principles.

The former can be empowering. The later never will be.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think that in a perfect world visit a prostitute wouldn't be an inherently unfeminist act, but in the world as it stands currently, it is at the very least at odds with the principles of feminism... especially in countries like Thailand or Singapore.

I definitely am seeking a partnership with a person who views sex as a vital part of the partnership connection with another human being, and not as a commodity. That's been lacking in my relationships so far, except for my relationship with Space Cowboy, and while the sample is too small to be anything but anecdotal, I think there might be a connection.

[hooplala]

Anyone who thinks your view is "anti-feminist" is a narrow-viewed fuck and I would personally limit my exposure to said person.  I don't have a problem with prostitution, but I do have a problem with human slavery, and like you mention Nigel, in a lot of countries these women are not in it for the lulz.

[EK WAFFLR]

I used to work for an Escort Agency as a photographer and web administrator  back in the day (before buying sex became illegal here in Norway), and I must agree with Kai and Dear Coke Talk.

The only viable reason I can see for visiting a prostitute is if you have a particular fetish you want satisfied without having to comb the honky tonks and bars (and the internet) to find a partner. These are very rare though.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Prostitution can be empowering, if it's an enterprise run by women and/or employing women who feel empowered and legitimate in what they do.

Unfortunately, that's probably not realistic.  It's a lot more frequently the last resort of unempowered and exploited women.

"Your body is a commodity".

How very empowering.