Author Topic: Eating oranges is for pussies  (Read 1558 times)

East Coast Hustle

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Eating oranges is for pussies
« on: December 01, 2011, 08:03:56 pm »
I bought 20+ pounds of fresh local grapes at the farmers market yesterday afternoon.

When I got home, I started eating grapes.

I ate grapes while making grape jelly.

I ate grapes while making grape juice.

I ate grapes while smoking on the patio and playing angry birds.

I ate grapes while cleaning my kitchen after the grape-ocalypse.

All in all I ate about 3 pounds of grapes, seeds and all.

I woke up at 5am and found out exactly how fast I could sprint to the bathroom.

In the subsequent 7 hours since my bowels first woke me, I have shat 4 more times in various violet hues. The last 3 have literally been nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus. They're scratchy little bastards, to be sure. Now it's lunchtime and I want to walk down to An Xuyen bakery and get a couple of banh mi sandwiches for lunch, but I'm afraid to leave the house and make the 10 minute round-trip walk.

But I'm still hungry. There's gotta be something in the apartment to eat.

Oh, yeah, there's 15 pounds of grapes. Anybody wanna come over for lunch?
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Cain

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2011, 08:27:40 pm »
I'm down for a grape-eating constest.  I'm actually not sure if the store next door stocks grapes.  They should do...I hope so.  Because I am going to grape the fuck out.

Who's with me?

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2011, 08:48:41 pm »
Oh man...This sounds amazing.
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Freeky

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011, 09:37:50 pm »
:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D
If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2011, 09:46:48 pm »
 :x

My grapes are done for the year... but I know from experience exactly what that's like.
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Cramulus

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2011, 09:57:21 pm »
Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.

How does extreme graping compare to drinking an equivalent volume of wine?


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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2011, 10:29:05 pm »
Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.



Don't forget about what happened to your pants.  I sure won't. :lulz:
If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

East Coast Hustle

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2011, 10:36:47 pm »
:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D

yeah, I got a sweet deal on them for buying in bulk. The stand at the farmers market was selling them for $1 a pound anyway but when I asked what my $17 would get me, the guy just gave me an entire tote box of grapes.

Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.

How does extreme graping compare to drinking an equivalent volume of wine?



I've drank enough wine to end up shitting my pants because I forgot to go to the bathroom, but no amount of wine has ever caused a literally unstoppable explosion.
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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #8 on: December 01, 2011, 10:39:54 pm »
:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D

yeah, I got a sweet deal on them for buying in bulk. The stand at the farmers market was selling them for $1 a pound anyway but when I asked what my $17 would get me, the guy just gave me an entire tote box of grapes.


Awesome.
If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

Cramulus

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2011, 01:36:24 am »
DOES YOUR ASS HAVE WINE LIPS??
 :cramulus:

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2011, 09:25:50 am »
nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2011, 09:29:43 am »
nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

ASS-GRAPED
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Luna

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2011, 11:59:39 am »
nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

ASS-GRAPED

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2011, 12:17:18 pm »
Whenever I eat a bowl of grapes, my shits get a bit messed up for the rest of the day. I can only imagine how messed up they would become if I were to consume more. Also  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: @ OP & TRIP

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Re: Eating oranges is for pussies
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2011, 04:20:48 pm »
So THAT's where you've been--you've been eating and shitting grapes!

I'd join in the fun, but it would probably go awry with my current condition.