In Defense of Being a Dick to New People

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

The subtle nuances of colloquial English rarely translate well into other languages either. When we say over here that something is "The Dog's Bollocks", it's difficult to explain to the Japanese Ambassador that he's actually just been complemented on his Nation's contribution to the cartoon film industry. 

The Dog's Bollocks = The Cat's Meow???

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I did some checking, and in Actual Spain, it is apparently a non-insulting phrase.

Khore, you have to understand, almost everyone on this board speaks Latinamericano Spanish.  Where such a phrase is not used, and, well...I don't need to point out the problem there.

His Spanish is defective.

To be fair the whole country is defective. They haven't been the same since Badbeast and his cronies sunk their armada.

[BadBeast]

You cunning bastard Twid! I'd forgotten I'd even posted that. I'm sending the boys around. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

 

[Doktor Howl]

Bump.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

SHIT, DO WE HAVE A NEW ONE? INCOMING!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Wow, I forgot about this one.

Though, that said, I also forgot the background info on hirley0, which does explain a bit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Okay, let's get things perfectly straight:  I hate stupid people.  I am on a planet where the vast majority of people are stupid all the time, and everyone else is stupid some of the time.  Now, before you think I'm off on some Dunning/Krueger trip, let me remind you that I myself am as stupid as a sack of shit.  I'm not stupid often, but when I am, I exceed normal limitations...I am, after all, the guy who got his tongue stuck in an Epson tractor-feed printer in 1996.  As such, I hate me too, and next time I see me, I'm going to kick my ass.

Okay, disclaimer over.  When I act like a total jackass to new people, I am basically checking to see if they're stupid.  The Ugly American troll is my way of seeing if people will react in one of two ways:  Either ripping me a new ass (acceptable if they think I'm serious), or by laughing or even running with the gag (if they realize I'm joking).  It's almost...a sociological experiment, if you will, except that I never have any idea how they're going to react.

I do these horrible things because I care.  I am, as you know, a Holy Man™, and as such I am obligated to protect myself from the profane, the blind monkeys who would otherwise crawl all over me with illegal sex toys and writs and summons and bills and shit, hounding me ceaselessly to mend my ways.  Well, my ways are Holy™, and I can manage my own sex toys, thank you very much.  Therefore, I gird my loins¹ and stride forth to do Mighty Battle upon the Serious Bidness that is the Internet Supermarket.

Non-sequitor:  The great thing about benzos is that they kick in really fucking fast, and they're totally legal if you tell the doctor you have "rage issues".  Imagine that.  Me with rage issues.

Now, I have in the past backslid, and bowed to the pressure to be nice to the little darlings, to be more accomodating to people who show up claiming to be charmingly mentally ill, or Emperor Norton II, or even Libertarian, but in each case, I am shortly afterward asked to bring HOLY FIRE unto the non-believers...Sometimes by the very people who told me to stop pooping on the very same new person in question.  And with each backsliding, the Gods™ become more and more angry, and we get things like tsunamis and reactor fires and boy bands.  And I cannot be responsible for these things.  It's a question of karma...I mean, I've already bought something like 10,000 years as a series of dung beetles.  You can't expect me to add to that, can you?

There's also the question of wrath blockage.  Constipation of hate.  While I keep asking you scurvy fuckers to kill me, I do not wish to explode in a horrible blizzard of shit that drenches everything for miles in an awful-smelling, sticky veneer of my feces and...

Um.

Never mind.

Or Kill me.



¹  Girding your loins isn't nearly as dirtyfun as it sounds.

Drugs are good for me.

[Ben Shapiro]

Mix drugs with booze! Then you see prophecy!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Mix drugs with booze! Then you see prophecy!

Then you get a valium hangover.   

[Ben Shapiro]

Mix drugs with booze! Then you see prophecy!

Then you get a valium hangover.   

Jesus took nine inch nails.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Mix drugs with booze! Then you see prophecy!

Then you get a valium hangover.   

Jesus took nine inch nails.

And look how THAT turned out.  He STILL can't play the piano.

[Ben Shapiro]

Mix drugs with booze! Then you see prophecy!

Then you get a valium hangover.   

Jesus took nine inch nails.

And look how THAT turned out.  He STILL can't play the piano.

Mitten salesman of the year!