The Dangerous Chapel (a fragment; translated)

[The Johnny]

***I know that i said I would translate this, but this is as far as ill go, because i dont like the self-important auto-interview style, because i really dont think Ratatosk will end up publishing it in Intermittens and because i think you need to go to therapy***

All this story is true and obviously its incomplete, its just a sketch of what really happened to me. I cant remember half of it already, but a lot of impossible things for consensual reality happened to me in the hospital, believe me.

Source: "Laynd in the Dangerous Chapel"

I've been on the edge of mentally dying, losing reason.

I've suffered fear, to the extent of thinking I was gonna die being eaten alive.

Auditory and visual hallucinations, like creating the appropriate script, inventing the reason for my false death. Giving resources to my mind to keep on the tragic-comedy that brought me to the hospital some night of May. Having lost reality, it was only left to interpret every phenomena as a signal, each color as a meaning, each number interpreted and valued, like a supersticious instruction manual towards "true" "reality", the lost reason or map of a previous reality. Each schedule or bar-code told me something, it gave me a meaning that helped me keep on forward.

Now I know nothing is true.

That reality depends on how you focus on things, that its plural and mutable.

And that the mind can twist into almost impossible extremes.

Fortunately, I got out of the Dangerous Chapel, from the psychotic break or however you wish to call it in sanity and without deep consequences. In some months or years ill be totally recovered if I don't have relapses and all goes well. In my case, mental death invented reasons for physical death. And I(it) almos accomplished it.

-Kirot, October 2010

"Once in the Dangerous Chapel, you start to irrationally associate things just so the world makes sense"

Kirot registered himself in the spring of 2010 as a user in Decondicionamiento with the user name of "Laynd". The very thing he did was open a thread about the "Dangerous Chapel" of which Robert Anton Wilson spoke in his "Cosmic Hammer I", giving some hints about his pass thru that fearsome place which some medicalize as "psychosis", which others consider as the confrontation with the Minor Guardian of the Threshold and that many simply call it "Initiation".

Now, Kirot wants to recount things from his personal experience, being the proposition to develop this ideas in an interview format in which he will try to go in depth into the keys of his experiences.

There was a time before you entered the dangerous chapel in which you affirm that reality acted as you willed it. How did this start? Why do you think that you started to manifest your will in this manner?

Reality  was on my side, because i entered a state of Gnosis, a sensation of being "connected to the source" acompannied by slight hallucinations, like seeing nature as divinized and seeing UFOs instead of stars. Also, the heart burned, traspired when it breathed... which gave pleasure and i felt like the guardian of the oracle in "Matrix" when Neo sees the light within him... something similar I felt within me.
That was the control I had over things. Absolute happiness, mystic extasis. All started to twist with time, because then I didn't know what to expect... also, I had the vague sensation that all whispered or stared at me each time I passed by them. For example, one girl with the appearance of being deteriorated (?) negates her evident symptoms to me, to later take it out on me and ends up happily marching away, and i remain with an incredible bad energy in my chest

The first thing I encounter is some girl that is a shitty mess that DENIES her depressing state. I tell her and she pretends as if nothing is wrong. I keep walking and I noticed I have to escape from her whore face if I don't want the bad energy to "return" that others seem to need so much, and it fills me with SHIT. The face of the girl became worse as I spent time with her while I started to feel something fucking shitty and heavy generating itself within me. IM NOT EXXAGERATING SHIT, I couldn't take it off myself, then my friends arrived and my old best friend seemed changed and demanded that I accompany them like I did before. Its like I see it all upside down and viceversa and I don't know how to get back to being happy without the need to "pleasure" or hold the minds of others. After this many of you think that ive become crazy, but my biggest enemies of before, or people that I thought was being very false are now the only people that greet me in the street.

[Phox]

Thanks, Joh'nyx. I appreciate your efforts.

[Khore]

Thanks, I am by going to therapy, but as long as this is what makes me feel:

I have no cure guy.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Thanks, I am by going to therapy, but as long as this is what makes me feel:

I have no cure guy.

Cure guys are easy to find. We generally call them doctors, though.

[Khore]

Thanks, I am by going to therapy, but as long as this is what makes me feel:

I have no cure guy.

Cure guys are easy to find. We generally call them doctors, though.

But in the Chapel, you cant find a cure.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Thanks, I am by going to therapy, but as long as this is what makes me feel:

I have no cure guy.

Cure guys are easy to find. We generally call them doctors, though.

But in the Chapel, you cant find a cure.

Yeah. I was trying to make a bit of a joke. I guess it didn't quite work.

[Khore]

Thanks, I am by going to therapy, but as long as this is what makes me feel:

I have no cure guy.

Cure guys are easy to find. We generally call them doctors, though.

But in the Chapel, you cant find a cure.

Yeah. I was trying to make a bit of a joke. I guess it didn't quite work.

[BadBeast]

Cure guy  Cure guy Cure guy   Cure guy Cure guy    Cure guy

[Phox]

So that's what? Three references to the Cure in as many days? What are we, 1989? 

[BadBeast]

You can laugh all you like about 1989, ye cheeky wee Dollymop,  :  but it won't help any who lived through that horror to scrub the memory from their minds! 

Actually, thinking about it, I can't remember one fucking thing about 1989.  Is this some kind of cruel trick?  Do you think it's funny ?
Con-fu old BadBeast? See if he's gone senile?    Why I oughtta . . . . . . ZzzzZZZzz. 

[Phox]

You can laugh all you like about 1989, ye cheeky wee Dollymop,  :  but it won't help any who lived through that horror to scrub the memory from their minds! 

Actually, thinking about it, I can't remember one fucking thing about 1989.  Is this some kind of cruel trick?  Do you think it's funny ?
Con-fu old BadBeast? See if he's gone senile?    Why I oughtta . . . . . . ZzzzZZZzz. 

To be fair, one of said references.. was... mine. BUT... it was a reference to a song that was released in 1991 or 92. 

[Luna]

Dollymop?   

[BadBeast]

Colloquial Victorian archaic English term of endearment, for a young lady who embraces a more libertine and hedonistic lifestyle than other people perhaps think she should. Think Tallulah Bankhead's easy Class, but with better publicity, beter impulse control and of course, no syphilis.

[Phox]

Colloquial Victorian archaic English term of endearment, for a young lady who embraces a more libertine and hedonistic lifestyle than other people perhaps think she should. Think Tallulah Bankhead's easy Class, but with better publicity, beter impulse control and of course, no syphilis.

So... yeah, perfectly applicable. 

[BadBeast]

Yuo da bom.