FUJIKOMA
Who are we? We are the battered, bitter shells. We are the hollow product of broken glass homes. We keep quite while the world goes by. When you pass by you do not see us, when you look we are not there. We find our homes in cold, dark corners. We are the coming storm.
Who are we? We are the children of tomorrow, of yesterday, but never of today. The outcasts, the unfriendly people. You see us when we act out, and you torment us when we do not. The sad people, the broken people, and deservedly so. We continue the cycle, we are the bitter fruit that stings the tongue.
Who are we? We are the product of consumerism, the inadvertent outcome of nepotism, the slimy shades in back alleyways that melt into the eaves. We watch you while you are fortunate, we drag you down, and we take from you when you fall. We are the chosen fools, disciples of the madness you created, to which you show unconcern. We are a debt someone never paid, an obligation unfulfilled, this is who we are.
Who are we?
RWHN
We're the people waiting for you to go first. We talk a good game but never throw down. We praise your good ideas and exhalt your plans. We'll be right there behind you! Well, actually, right after we wash our hair. Then we're right there with you! Oh, well, no, we have to renew our gym membership, I mean, it's gonna be a new year, we're going to hit the stair climbers for sure this year! Then, we'll be ripped and ready to fight the good fight along side you...oh wait, we just remembered we need to clean up the hard drive. That shouldn't take too long, and then, holy fuck are we ready to rumble!!! Well, we probably should get a new bottle of asprin first. We might get a headache while trying to fight The Man. Go on ahead, we'll be there eventually, really, trust us, who are we?
LMNO
We're the glitch people. The people in the back, wearing ties, throwing packets of fake blood and blaming the kids behind us. The people who you see leaving last before the building collapses. We're the fading people. The people who simply aren't there when the riot cops show up. The people you pass by every day, failing to comprehend the chaos left in our wake. The ones who know how to get things done, but keep our heads down, our mouths shut.
Who are we?
TGRR
We're the technical people. The people that seem to be just another crowd of jackasses, but always seem to be gone 10 minutes before it happens. The quiet people, the people who look sort of like you, but maybe grin a bit too much. The people who don't seem to care about important things, like the troops and mom and apple pie, but never seem to ride in the back seat of the squad cars.
Who are we?
ADIOS (CHARLEY?)
Sometimes you think you see us out of the corner of your eye, almost ethereal, but never there when you turn your head to look directly at us. We smile and occasionally laugh at your confusion and consternation. We are the ones who are aware of what goes on behind the scenes, which is all that really matters anyway, because everything else is just show and glitter. A whitewashed version of the truth.
Who are we?
LUNA
We're the ones who realize that caring about everything is as useless as caring about nothing, and caring about everybody is as useless as caring about nobody. We're the ones who can find the mirth under the horror and embrace it, despite it being covered with gore. We're the ones who realize that the only thing really worth being serious about is having a good time.
Who are we?
NIGEL
We're the salvage people. The people with the truck and the jumpsuits loading unknown debris from the abandoned building around the corner. We're the pitchfork people, the people you see at the side of the road cleaning up something you can't quite identify as you drive past. We're the lawn care people, and you've never asked what we use in the spray that keeps the grass so green. We're the people with the unmarked white trailer parked outside of your neighbor's house for three days, and you never see us move anything in or out of it but you know something's gone terribly wrong and you don't want to know, so you don't think of it, never think of it again. We're the people who clean up the mess so you don't have to. We do it for you; we're here to protect you from knowing.
Who are we?
TGRR
We're the night time people. We're the people who come in the night. Remember Janis Joplin and Captain Kangaroo and that nice old man that used to live down the street? Neither do we, because we're the clean-up people...We clean your neighborhood, and remove unsightly and unprofitable people who say things that make you think about things that you'd rather just ignore.
Who are we?
SYLPH
We are the legion worshippers of magnaninous blood splattered Eris, she who set in motion certain events leading to the burning of Troy because nobody invited her to the party. Unsurprisingly, we don't get invited to a lot of parties. Inevitably, horrible things keep happening to you. Fair's Fair.
Who are we?
BAD BEAST
We are the reviled, the deliberately misunderstood, the veterans of a truth so savage, the telling of which can send the strongest of men retreating into an ever increasing catatonia, that some never walk out from.
We are the witnesses of the last honest man, and we carry his words, imprinted across the inside of our eyelids, lest we forget.
The Guardians of a path so hard to find, that only the soles of our feet know the direction it takes.
That's who we are
The trail of our broken and discarded dreams show where we have passed.
We are greeted as Heroes by strangers, strangers who would avail themselves of out particular talents.
Then we are held up as Saviours, for maybe a week, and tales of us are sent out into the lands, because always we are known, every town finds time to cheer us and welcome us, until the job's done.
although nothing's ever said, no-one mourns our absence when it's time to move on.
That, is also who we are.
A thousand Wars, and myriad deaths these hands have delivered.
Not for glory, or honour, or any moral holding of ideas, but because, quite simply, ithat's what we do. But the toll of death weighs heavily upon us, we never kill lightly.
But we do it with such professional excellence that none other can compete. So gather around, you're quite safe, please feel free to ask questions from the FAQ books you were issued during your trip, and our mod team will be happy to take questions by PM, relating to any matters deemed "too sensitive" to tell in polite company. (Confessional confidence is, of course expected of us)
That's who we are.
But never seek to use subterfuge, or attempt to deceive us, for this you will be flayed of your skin, and the red flag of your hide shall adorn our tree of skinnings, while your slick,wet body screams defiance, then pleas, then just sobs from the anthill your broken, bleeding carcasse shall laid upon.
That's who we are.
ECH
We're the Giving People. We're all about giving you more of what you want in quantities you can't possibly need. We're going to force-feed your head until you've got mental fois gras coming out your ears. We're committed to rekindling your commitment to Sparkle Motion. We do these things and more, at prices you can barely almost afford, because we KNOW in our HEARTS that too much is NEVER enough.
Who are we?
We're the providers. We'll tell you what you want while we give you what you need and tell you that you can trade it in as a 20% down payment on what you want. We're the Pay-It-Forward People. You'll never notice how hard we're fucking you in the ass because we've made sure that you'll be too busy buggering someone else while we're doing it. It feels good to give, doesn't it?
Who are we?
We're the Growing People. We've counteracted the recession with our innovative hiring practices. We know how to get more done with less, and we're making you know how as well. Spreading the message and teaching the methods, that's our way. More jobs for less wages. We're the Efficiency People. We won't need to replace you with a robot because we can replace you with 3 part-time Yous for less money.
Who are we?
CAINAD
We're the Opportunity People. It's our pleasure to hook you up with a loan for that thing you desperately need. After all, we know that it can't ALL be fun and games and fifty-two-inch High Definition TVs, though we do our best. That 50 grand you need to get through college another year or two? No problem at all, friend. We know you'll be around for a long, long time, and you'll have plenty of opportunities to pay us back, whether or not you feel like buying food that month. We're so eager to share this money with you, we'll drop you the cash for a brand-spanking-new $500,000 house at a barely-noticeable down payment, hardly any questions asked!
Who are we?
JOH’NYX
We're the Virtuous Crusaders, that know what's best for you and know that sacrifices need to be done if things will be as we envision them. Those 30,000 died so that we can still go to church and not feel indignant that our fellow brothers are getting high instead of being productive, so that we can stare right into our children's eyes and say "They all died to get you a better future, you should be grateful". And you will be grateful, or else.
Who are we?
NIGEL
We're the Opinion People. It's our job to think, so you don't have to. We understand that the burdens of work, family, church, and making those loan payments on time are already enough without the added stress of having to come up with a position on the latest public events; that's why we're here to tell you not only what to think, but how to think it. Don't you worry; everything is going to be just fine. We have people on it. The food is perfectly safe, and the economy is just about to turn around. Studies show that working multiple part-time jobs is good for your health, and medical insurance is really just an unnecessary luxury for effete ivory-tower left-wing bleeding-heart liberals. A sixpack or two after work is a good way to relax and watching TV supports our economy. If you're worried, depressed, anxious, can't sleep, or suffer from cold sweats, poverty, headaches, impotence, or blurred vision, just mention us to your doctor by name.
Who are we?
HOOPLA
We're the Starfuckers. It's our job to pry into the deepest corners of the lives of those who choose to entertain us. We pay them to entertain us, and they do entertain us, but they owe us. They owe us more. They owe us their personal details, they owe us their intimate moments, they owe us their opinions, they owe us their soul. We know that they are both bizarre and alien to us and yet exactly like us... they snort ground hedgehogs off the foreheads of midgets while fucking petrified octopus but they also shop at Target - just! like! us! They also wear sweatpants and consume Big Macs and drive drunk and shoot their wives - there but for the grace of Judy Garland go all of us. We create social networks, ostensibly to keep in touch with our "friends", but really to trick the gods of Hollywood to tell us how heavy their latest bowel movement was, or how often they clean lint from their bellybuttons, they owe us at least that much. We paid for their mansions, we paid for their Bentley, we paid for their Mexican housekeeper, we paid for their alleged privacy, we own that privacy! We own it! They owe us! They owe us! They owe the Starfuckers, because we made them and we can break them just as easily.
Who are we?
LMNO
We're the horror junkies. We track down the worst examples of humanity, and present it to you in snappy 12.5 minute segments. We provide the tragedy you need, from aiplane disasters to floods in third world shitholes, tornadoes, earthquakes and famine. We're the premium providers of impersonal pain. But it doesn't stop there. We're the Human Interest people. We show you the burnouts, the fame whores, the poor-impule-control freakshows. The megalomaniacal daddy issue fuckups, screaming for attention. We scrape the pathetic bottom of those who bought into Warhol's prophecy, and parade them in front of you. We're the ones who make you think these behaviors are "normal". We're the ones who condition you into passive acceptance of evolutionary decline.
Who are we?
