Author Topic: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!  (Read 1564 times)

President Television

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CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« on: December 29, 2011, 09:24:23 pm »
Alright, passengers. This is your captain speaking. Buckle in, fold your trays up and make sure your seat is locked in an upright position. We're about to have a little turbulence. If you look out the window to your right, you should be able to see the flooded-in remains of the eastern seaboard, anti-air batteries and the occasional little blue gremlin snacking on the skin of the wing. On your left, there should be... Never mind. I hear it looks back into you, and then the cold sweats and the night chills never go away for however long you've still got left. Best to close your blinds.
Yeah, the conditions are pretty rough. But then, it always gets that way up where we're headed. It's grim up north, says the captain's manual, and this flip-book calender looks an extra page thick. And there are monsters down below, horrible things. Writhing, squamous, toothy things, climbing atop each other to eat us whole. But we're too high for them, and we're too fast for them, and maybe the panels off the tail fin will be enough to throw them off our trail. And there's something in the fish, but we'll have that taken care of when we get to our destination. So buckle in. Chat, read the paper, whatever. And whatever you do, don't panic. We've still got cabin pressure. We've still got hydraulics. We've still got wings.

But I am getting a little low on air. Would Striker head to the cockpit and relieve me? Thanks.
My shit list: Stephen Harper, anarchists that complain about taxes instead of institutionalized torture, those people walking, anyone who lets a single aspect of themselves define their entire personality, salesmen that don't smoke pipes, Fredericton New Brunswick, bigots, philosophy majors, my nemesis, pirates that don't do anything, criminals without class, sociopaths, narcissists, furries, juggalos, foes.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2011, 05:57:03 pm »
Very nice.

Needs to be expanded just a bit.

ETA:  By you.  I'm gonna post a bit too, because I like the idea.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2011, 06:59:15 pm by The Good Reverend Roger »
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2011, 06:48:13 pm »
Hi there, this is your captain speaking.

We're in a holding pattern at 10,000 feet.  If you look to your left, you can see The City below you.  That big thing that's on fire seems to be City Hall, and unless you're sitting over the wing, you can see the food riots in the major parks.

The truth is, folks, we've had clearance to land for about 3 hours now, but we took a good look, and decided to stay up here and get all fucked up in the cockpit.  Don't bother trying to do anything about it, the doors are armored and locked.  Besides, there's no worry...We fuel these things the same way the government plans its budget.  The ride never ends.  Ha.  Haha.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*crackle*

This here is your co-pilot.  Someone send up some blondes.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*crackle*

This is the stewardess.  We don't know what's going on.  Please assume the crash position as outlined on the back of the card in the seatback ahead of you.  We're trying to contact the ground, but all we hear is screaming.

*crackle*

*crackle*
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Telarus

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2011, 07:21:38 pm »
Oooooh. This thread's got some teeth.
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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2011, 08:34:41 pm »
I just came to The City to see my granddaughter's Christening. What's that? Oh, a business trip. Yes, I see, that must be nice, all that travel. Well, it looks like it's going to be some time before we land, do you suppose they'll put on another movie? What a good idea to bring a Snuggie on the flight, you can just snuggle right in there, hee hee!

Care for a few Oreos? I always bring snacks, airline food is never good. Oh, no movie? That's too bad. Well, I guess I'll just settle in and get caught up with some reading, it's a good thing I brought my Kindle and an iPod.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2011, 06:34:23 am »
Quote
On your left, there should be... Never mind. I hear it looks back into you, and then the cold sweats and the night chills never go away for however long you've still got left. Best to close your blinds.

This intrigues me.  Want to know more. 

Collective human consciousness looking back at you knowing all the wrong that's been done?  Or just all the lost souls?  Maybe it's just a clown.  Just a happy/sad harmless clown.
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President Television

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2011, 06:56:34 pm »
Quote
On your left, there should be... Never mind. I hear it looks back into you, and then the cold sweats and the night chills never go away for however long you've still got left. Best to close your blinds.

This intrigues me.  Want to know more. 

Collective human consciousness looking back at you knowing all the wrong that's been done?  Or just all the lost souls?  Maybe it's just a clown.  Just a happy/sad harmless clown.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NothingIsScarier

I'll be adding some more tomorrow, or possibly today if I have time.
My shit list: Stephen Harper, anarchists that complain about taxes instead of institutionalized torture, those people walking, anyone who lets a single aspect of themselves define their entire personality, salesmen that don't smoke pipes, Fredericton New Brunswick, bigots, philosophy majors, my nemesis, pirates that don't do anything, criminals without class, sociopaths, narcissists, furries, juggalos, foes.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2012, 04:34:12 am »
Quote
On your left, there should be... Never mind. I hear it looks back into you, and then the cold sweats and the night chills never go away for however long you've still got left. Best to close your blinds.

This intrigues me.  Want to know more. 

Collective human consciousness looking back at you knowing all the wrong that's been done?  Or just all the lost souls?  Maybe it's just a clown.  Just a happy/sad harmless clown.

:wtf:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: CALM DOWN! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2012, 11:00:44 am »
Quote
On your left, there should be... Never mind. I hear it looks back into you, and then the cold sweats and the night chills never go away for however long you've still got left. Best to close your blinds.

This intrigues me.  Want to know more. 

Collective human consciousness looking back at you knowing all the wrong that's been done?  Or just all the lost souls?  Maybe it's just a clown.  Just a happy/sad harmless clown.

:wtf:

LOL thank you.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”