Fifth World Problems

[navkat]

My clone is filing a lawsuit against me for my bad genes. 

I think my garbage disposal and my dishwasher are having an affair. You would not believe the noises coming out of the kitchen.

My parents won't let me get genetic recoding! How am I meant to express my individuality without gills? 

My replicator is broken and now everything it makes tastes like bratwurst. Anyone got some spare toothpaste?

The line at the teleporter is awful, its going to take me at least five minutes to get to work.

Someone linked me to a picture of the sun going supernova. Ugh! Spoilers!

These are brilliant.

[Cainad (dec.)]

bump

source

"I microwaved my time cube, and now I'm stuck in temporal displacement where The Phantom Menace is being released every 13 years. Please help."



My own brainfarts:

I applied the new rapid evolutionary algorithms to my liver yesterday so I could drink all night. Now I'm hung over and my liver is suing for independence.

Apparently my future self will think it's simply hilarious to send me cryptic text messages right before major life events.

[Telarus]

Apparently my future self will think it's simply hilarious to send me cryptic text messages right before major life events.

Thank you Agent, your contribution has been added to the central One Line MemeBomb Database.

[Cainad (dec.)]

[Telarus]

I awoke from my eternal slumber within an ancient sunken city to wreak havoc, only to discover that the denizens of my universe had all died due to environmental pollution. Does anyone know of civilizations that aren't scheduled to be destroyed by an Elder God?

[Forsooth]

Love the one about Virginians.

[Pergamos]

Somebody uploaded a pirate copy of me and my co-workers have been wanking to wet dreams I haven't even had yet.  Can I sue them for spoilering?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You don't have problems.  I have problems.

My clone is cheating on me again.   

[AFK]

I'm all out of Oxi-Clean anomaly scrubbing pads.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I woke up in a loop. Again. 

[Salty]

Every time I shove cats into the food recycler I get borscht. Not okay.

[Pæs]

I signed up at hirley0's forum and logged into 2013. How do I get home?

[navkat]

My kid's out of diapers but the GPS is broken on my microchip so I totally won't be allowed to buy any until I get a new one inserted on Tuesday.

It's totally sweet that the family I clean for lets me have their dog's leftover filet mignon and I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I wish they'd refrigerate it if it's going to be sitting out more than an hour or two.

I didn't get the job at the bottling plant. Yeah, some things in my purchase history and internet browsing popped positive for lost time/excessive breaks risk and I just can't afford the $90 internship fee to prove my efficiency for three weeks.

[LMNO]

Holy shit.  That was perfect.

[navkat]

Holy shit.  That was perfect.