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You know what I always say? "Always kill the mouthy one", that's what I always say.

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Fifth World Problems

Started by Cramulus, January 04, 2012, 04:53:39 PM

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Cramulus

http://www.reddit.com/r/fifthworldproblems


  • One of my bathrooms is stuck in 2011. Will next month's water bill be charged to multiple timelines?
  • My adrenal gland and Jupiter's Great Red Spot are in trans-dimensional opposition.
  • TIL that slowing down time makes it possible to count to infinity
  • I accidentally deleted 1,500 seconds from my alternate timeline.
  • Bacon from pigs doesn't exist here. In fact, pigs don't even exist, and my bacon comes from fetuses. WHY?!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Triple Zero

I followed that subreddit for a while, it was amazing at first, but got a bit repetitive after a while. I'm certain we can do better :-)

My root identity provider got me a new ego, but it got transcended and now it's delivering itself to the wrong continuum. In triplicate. Then, I found out the new Zv0 model got discounted half an atto-second to the blue but they won't change my order because "it is against our policy to violate causality" :kingmeh:
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrowâ„¢
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Richter

The drink dispenser has stopped accepting integers.

The zeitgiest module keeps telling me to display funny patterns and text in helvetica to others on my ARI display as a prank.

The doctor told me to take less soma.  I'm suing.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

The ancients used to live over there, before the Gods destroyed them.  Don't go over there.  It's haunted.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Scribbly

My clone is filing a lawsuit against me for my bad genes.  :sad:

I think my garbage disposal and my dishwasher are having an affair. You would not believe the noises coming out of the kitchen.

My parents won't let me get genetic recoding! How am I meant to express my individuality without gills?  :x

My replicator is broken and now everything it makes tastes like bratwurst. Anyone got some spare toothpaste?

The line at the teleporter is awful, its going to take me at least five minutes to get to work.

Someone linked me to a picture of the sun going supernova. Ugh! Spoilers!
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

Faust

My Big Brother has frozen and wont update my status reports to my friends list
Sleepless nights at the chateau

Cramulus

The Gray Goo dispenser turned into gray goo.  :sad:



Cramulus

This argument is going in circles. I keep telling him, "No, I'M the copy, YOU'RE the original." Eventually, one of us is going to have to go to work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cramulus

#10
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.

Roger, this thread is for unrealistic, made-up problems


ETA: Please tell your great-grandfather he shouldn't put metal in the microwave

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cramulus on January 05, 2012, 05:43:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.

Roger, this thread is for unrealistic, made-up problems


ETA: Please tell your great-grandfather he shouldn't put metal in the microwave

Um, that's ME.  I thought we were talking about the future.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Template


Roly Poly Oly-Garch

#14
I had a nightmare when I was a kid about showing up to school and being quizzed on a base case I totally hadn't studied for. I've been having the same recursing nightmare about that nightmare ever since.


Back to the fecal matter in the pool