News:

Bigotry is abound, apprently, within these boards.  There is a level of supposed tolerance I will have no part of.  Obviously, it seems to be well-embraced here.  I have finally found something more fucked up than what I'm used to.  Congrats. - Ruby

Main Menu

Twid is a complete jerk.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 09, 2012, 03:55:48 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1
User actions

The Good Reverend Roger

January 09, 2012, 03:55:48 PM
He's made out of dookie, and he has a prehensile tail.  Like all of his people, he runs around with his knees bent and his knuckles - such as they are - dragging on the ground.  Logic tells us that he's a poopie-head, and that only a Kind & Loving Deity are all that stands between us and him reproducing.  Well, that, and the fact that he only has 40 chromosomes. 

He's a musician, and you know what that means.  Much like his equally-odious colleague LMNO, he is interested only in snorting 3' lines of cocaine mixed with pixie sticks, and then slaking his vile lusts on anything at least technically alive.  THERE ARE NO DOGS IN BOSTON, AND I KNOW WHY.

He has no actual digestive tract.  This is a matter of public record.  He just shovels lard into his face, which goes right to his colostomy bag, which he then empties back into the lard barrel.  He drinks shitty fucking beer and then belches in the faces of innocent passers-by.  We've all seen it.

He is the last baseball fan in America.  If it weren't for him, they'd have shut down that "sport" 20 years ago, and used to programming time to run turbo porn for the rest of us.  That's 3 hours of manic, high-speed porn per week that he has robbed us of.

A less known, though no less true, fact is that he also has no tendons or ligaments.  He is in fact full of tiny beetles that have a "hive mind" intelligence and steer him around to do their insidious work.  But you don't hear him complaining, do you.  No.  He LIKES it.

His entire cranium is full of snot.  His feet stink, from jamming them up the arses of nuns.  He invented the "placenta shake".  He isn't allowed to drive, because beetles can't get drivers' licences.  He is very, very short, and keeps his pet fleas (which carry Yersinia Pestis) in his facial hair, and then stands around under the mistletoe every Christmas.

He's insane.  He just makes shit up about people, and then splatters it all over the internet.  He makes no sense.  He can neither read nor write, and isn't reliably potty trained.

Fucking jerk.

Or Kill me. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#1
January 09, 2012, 04:17:12 PM
Hey, I know that I startled you when I swung down from that tree limb in the Common, but my prehensile tail has gotten me out of a number of binds. Plus, the ladies are intrigued by it. And I have 41 chromosomes. The other one has been discovered since my last gene sequencing. Turns out that's the one responsible for the tail.

The cocaine mixed with pixie sticks is not actually my vice, but my drummer's. Must be a drummer thing, I never really got it myself. And while it is true that in days past I would resort to such experimentation as dendrophilia, Villager has effectively put an end to such shenanigans (apparently all it took was a good scolding). As far as the dogs, that was because the Menino heard that a Canadian was coming to town and all pets should be kept indoors during his stay.

The next two paragraphs are absolutely true except for the colostomy bag. That wasn't attached to me, I was holding it for Cram.

While my cranium is full of snot, that is largely as seasonal thing. There's usually no snot in autumn. I will not debate the stinkiness of my feet, and those nuns requested it. I do have a drivers license, just no car. Efforts have been made to make it as unlikely as possible for me to leave the state and Boston all over everything at my leisure. But Uncle Bill wanted to get revenge on the world and so left me his car. I'd be cautious if you plan on visiting New England in the near future.

I am allergic to mistletoe, but do manage to spread the plague by getting affectionate when imbibing to much shitty beer and go on a hugging spree. This of course is a ruse, and is only intended to infect everyone with the black death.

And I'll have you know, I am perfectly sane.




See?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
January 09, 2012, 04:31:20 PM
You're still made out of dookie.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#3
January 09, 2012, 04:32:36 PM
OH MY GOD THE TINY BEETLES!  :aaa:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Nephew Twiddleton

#4
January 09, 2012, 05:13:02 PM
Deer island can only process so much shit rog. Eventually something like me would have to evolve.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
January 09, 2012, 05:14:05 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 09, 2012, 05:13:02 PM
Deer island can only process so much shit rog. Eventually something like me would have to evolve.

Why do they call it Deer Island?

Is it like Coney Island, named after rabbits that were wiped out back in 1867 or so?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#6
January 09, 2012, 05:32:50 PM
Good question actually. Im not sure. Ill have to look into it.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
September 05, 2014, 06:11:04 PM
Bump because I have a hideous idea.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
Print
Go Up Pages1
User actions